A CURIOUS BILL 167 



years ; but my landlord behaved so ill, and infracted the agree- 

 ment to such an extent, that we went to law, and I quashed the 

 undertaking at the expiration of the second year. 



In any building which I undertook at Teffont, and there 

 was no place fit to put a decently nurtured dog in when I came 

 there, he bound himself to find stone and mortar on my paying 

 for the labour. On the threat of flinging him into the water if 

 he pulled down the stop put against the trout, he pretended 

 anger, and sent to me to say he would supply my house with 

 butter and cream from his farm no more, demanding instant 

 payment for the week that was owing. I have not the slightest 

 doubt that he thought that I should really be angry, and pay his 

 bill in haste, without looking at it. I did look at it, though ; 

 and was astounded at the charge for a week's dairy. On looking 

 closely into the items I discovered that, slipped in between the 

 charges for cream and butter, was the amount of stone and 

 mortar he had found as per agreement for the improvements I 

 had made. This attempt at imposition was broadly obliterated 

 by my pen, and my servant called, money in hand, in exchange 

 for a receipt for the dairy-charge alone. Having quashed the 

 original lease on my quitting the place at the end of the second 

 year, my landlord sent me in a charge for undue wear and tear 

 and dilapidation ; and in the same bill, reader ! thou wilt never 

 believe it was a charge to the amount, I think, of "two 

 pounds for the loss of his wife's peace of mind in that Mrs. 

 Berkeley had deprived her of a pet canary-bird during the time 

 of our residence at Teffont." The fact as to the bird was this : 

 we found it there on our arrival in a cage, hung up in the con- 

 servatory, forgotten, and nearly dead from famine ; Mrs. Berkeley 

 took great care of the poor little thing, and it recovered and 

 became much attached. The bird undoubtedly did not originally 

 belong to us ; so I returned it with the following note : 



" Sir, I return you the canary-bird ; but as to your charge 



for the loss of Mrs. 's peace of mind on this occasion, that 



is absurd : considering the time you have been married, she 

 could not have had any to lose."" 



