TO PARTENKIRCHEN. 259 



or whatever it is they wish for, and not a mere make- 

 believe ! They are always fearful they may be put off 

 with something that is not the reality, and so there 

 be a falling away from their brilliant imaginings. 

 Somehow or other I carry this childish anxiety about 

 with me still; and when a wished-for-thing is just be- 

 fore me, and another step will enable me to reach it, 

 the doubt and the suspicion will arise, and I can hardly 

 bring myself to believe that it is really so. And even 

 this difficulty over, all my reasoning cannot make my 

 silly self give up the fear that something may yet hap- 

 pen to snatch away the enjoyment. I must have the 

 toy in my hands, before I can believe it is my " very 

 own." And so I looked to satisfy myself that what I 

 saw was all real ; and then I looked again, to be sure 

 that my wishes had not betrayed me into self-decep- 

 tion. But there was no mistake here; and it was 

 settled these were indeed thoroughly respectable moun- 

 tains, and that I with my own eyes was beholding 

 them. 



Just with such fluttering anxiety did I approach 

 Venice for the first time. Already at Mestre, I dreaded 

 lest, by some unforeseen cause or other, I should be 

 transported across the Lagune otherwise than in a 

 gondola. Could I by any piece of witchery have been 

 carried thither through the air, I would still have 

 preferred the gondola ; for that was associated with all 

 my boyish notions of Venice, and without it therefore 

 the charm of that moment, so long waited for, would 

 have been incomplete. And only when fairly seated 



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