84 MR. SPONGE'S SPORTING TOUR. 



out benefiting themselves — just as a careless waggoner scatters his 

 load on the road. Few people are insensible to the advantage of 

 having their champagne brisk, which can only be done by keeping 

 the cork in ; but few ever think of keeping the cork of their own 

 conversation in. See a Frenchman — how light and buoyant he 

 trips into a drawing-room, fresh from the satisfactory scrutiny of 

 the looking-glass, with all the news, and jokes, and tittle-tattle of 

 the day, in full bloom ! How sparkling and radiant he is, with 

 something smart and pleasant to say to every one ! How 

 thoroughly happy and easy he is ; and what a contrast to 

 phlegmatic John Bull, who stands with his great red fists doubled, 

 looking as if he thought whoever spoke to him would be wanting 

 him to endorse a bill of exchange ! But, as we said before, the 

 dread hour before dinner is an awful time in the country — frightful 

 when there are two hours, and never a subject in common for the 

 company to work upon. Laverick Wells and their mutual 

 acquaintance was all Sponge and Jawleyford's stock-in-trade ; and 

 that was a very small capital to begin upon, for they had been 

 there together too short a time to make much of a purse of conver- 

 sation. Even the young ladies, with their inquiries after the 

 respective flirtations — how Miss Sawney and Captain Snubnose 

 were " getting on ? " and whether the rich Widow Spankley was 

 likely to bring Sir Thomas Greedey to book ? — failed to make up 

 a conversation ; for Sponge knew little of the ins and outs of 

 these matters, his attention having been more directed to Mr. 

 Waffles than any one else. Still, the mere questions, put in a 

 playful, womanly way, helped the time on, and prevented things 

 coining to that frightful dead-lock of silence, that causes an 

 involuntary inward exclamation of " How am I to get through 

 the time with, this man ! " There are people who seem to think 

 that sitting and looking at each other constitutes society. Women 

 have a great advantage over men in the talking way ; they have 

 always something to say. Let a lot of women be huddled 

 together throughout the whole of a livelong day, and they will 

 yet have such a balance of conversation at night, as to render it 

 necessary to convert a bed-room into a clearing-house, to get rid 

 of it. Men, however, soon get high and dry, especially before 

 dinner ; and a host ought to be at liberty to read the Biot Act, 

 and disperse them to their bed-rooms, till such times as they 

 wanted to eat and drink. 



A most scientifically-sounded gong, beginning low, like distant 

 thunder, and gradually increasing its murmur till it filled the 

 whole mansion with its roar, at length relieved all parties from 

 the labour of further efforts ; and, looking at his watch, Jawley- 

 ford asked Mrs. Jawleyford, in an innocent, indifferent sort of 

 way, which was Mr. Sponge's room ; though he had been fussing- 



