MR. SPONGE'S SPORTING TOUR. 1G1 



tap, though the needle-case glasses stood to tantalise the party till 

 about the time that the beverage ought to have been flowing, when 

 Spigot took them off. The flatness then became flatter. Never- 

 theless, Jack worked away in his usual carnivorous style, and 

 finished by paying his respects to all the sweets, jellies, and things 

 in succession. He never got any of these, he said, at " home," 

 meaning at Lord Scamperdale's — Amelia thought, if she w T as "my 

 lady," he would not get any meat there either. 



At length Jack finished ; and having discussed cheese, porter, 

 and red herrings, the cloth was drawn, and a hard-featured dessert, 

 ounsisting principally of apples, followed. The wine having made 

 a couple of melancholy circuits, the strained conversation about 

 came to a full stop, and Spigot having considerately placed the 

 little round table, as if to keep the peace between them, the ladies 

 left the male worthies to discuss their port and sherry together. 

 Jack, according to Woodmansterne fashion, unbuttoned his waist- 

 coat, and stuck his legs out before him, — an example that Mr. 

 Sponge quickly followed, and each assumed an attitude that as 

 good as said, " I don't care twopence for you." A dead silence 

 then prevailed, interrupted only by the snap, snap, snapping of 

 Jack's toothpick against his chair-edge, when he was not busy 

 exploring his mouth with it. It seemed to be a match which 

 should keep silence longest. Jack sat squinting his eyes inside out 

 at Sponge, while Sponge pretended to be occupied with the fire. 

 The wine being with Sponge, and at length wanting some, he was 

 constrained to make the first move, by passing it over to Jack, who 

 helped himself to port and sherry simultaneously — a glass of 

 sherry after dinner (in Jack's opinion) denoting a gentleman. 

 Having smacked his lips over that, he presently turned to the glass 

 of port. He checked his hand in passing it to his mouth, and bore 

 the glass up to his nose. 



" Corlced, by Jove ! " exclaimed he, setting the glass down on the 

 table with a thump of disgust. 



It is curious what unexpected turns things sometimes take in the 

 world, and how completely whole trains of well-preconcerted plans 

 are often turned aside by mere accidents such as this. If it hadn't 

 '.»een for the corked bottle of port, there is no saying but these two 

 worthies would have held a Quakers' meeting without the "spirit" 

 moving either of them. 



" Corked, by Jove ! " exclaimed Jack. 



" It is ! " rejoined Sponge, smelling at his half-emptied glass. 



" Better have another bottle," observed Jack. 



" Certainly," replied Sponge, ringing the bell. " Spigot, this 

 wine's corked," observed Sponge, as old Pomposo entered the room. 



" Is it ? " said Spigot, with the most peifect innocence, though 

 he knew it came out of the corked batch. " I'll brine: another 



