MR. SPONGE'S SPORTING TOUR. 173 



"'Deed have I!" replied Springwheat ; "and a pair of 

 uncommon awkward tight customers they are," added he, trying 

 to move his feet about in them. 



" Ah ! you should always have a chap to wear your boots a few 

 times before you put them on yourself," observed his lordship. 

 " I never have a pair of tight uns," added he ; "Jack here always 

 does the needful by mine." 



"That's all very well for lords," replied Mr. Springwheat ; "but 

 us farmers wear out our boots fast enough ourselves, without any- 

 body to help us." 



""Well, but I s'pose we may as well fall to," observed his 

 lordship, casting his eye upon the well-garnished table. " All 

 these good things are meant to eat, I s'pose," added he : " cakes. 

 and sweets, and jellies without end : and as to your sideboard," 

 said he, turning round and looking at it, " it's a match for any 

 Lord Mayor's. A round of beef, a ham, a tongue, and is that a 

 goose or a turkey ? " 



"A turkey, my lord," replied Springwheat ; "home-fed, my lord." 



"Ah, home-fed, indeed ! " ejaculated his lordship, with a shake 

 of the head: "home-fed: wish I could feed at home. The man 

 who said that 



E'en from the peasant to the lord, 

 The turkey smokes on every board, 



told a big un, for I'm sure none ever smokes on mine." 



" Take a little here to-day, then," observed Mr. Springwheat 

 cutting deep into the white breast. 



" I will," replied his lordship, " I will ; and a slice of tongue, 

 too," added he. 



" There are some hot sausingers comin'," observed Mr. Sprino- 

 wheat. 



•' You don't say so," replied his lordship, apparently thunder- 

 struck at the announcement. " Well, I must have all three. By 

 Jove, Jack ! " said he, appealing to his friend, " but you've lit on 

 your legs coming here. Here's a breakfast fit to set before the 

 Queen — muffins, and crumpets, and cakes. Let me advise you to 

 make the best use of your time, for you have but twenty minutes," 

 continued his lordship, looking at his watch, "and muffins and 

 crumpets don't come in your way every day." 



" 'Deed they don't," replied Jack, with a grin. 



" Will your lordship take tea or coffee ? " asked Mrs. Spring- 

 wheat, who had now taken her seat at the top of the table, behind 

 a richly chased equipage for the distribution of those beverages. 



" Ton my word, replied his lordship," apparently bewildered 



" 'pon my word, I don't know what to say. Tea or coffee ? To 

 tell you the truth, I was going to take something out of my 



