MB. SPONGE'S SPORTING TOUR. 4£9 



Mr. Sponge then became still more afc home. It was very soon 

 " my hounds," and " my horses," and " my whips ; " and he wrote 

 to Jawleyford, and Puffington, and Guano, and Lumpleg, and 

 Washball, and Spraggon, offering to make meets to suit their 

 convenience, and even to mount them if required. His "Mogg" 

 was quite neglected in favour of Lucy ; and it says much for the 

 influence of female charms that, before they had been engaged a 

 fortnight, he, who had been a perfect oracle in cab-fares, would 

 have been puzzled to tell the most ordinary fare on the most 

 frequented route. He had forgotten all about them. Nevertheless, 

 Lucy and he went out hunting as often as they could raise hounds, 

 and when they had a good run and killed, he saluted her ; and 

 when they didn't kill, why — he just did the same. He headed 

 and tailed the stringing pack, drafted the skirters and babblers 

 (which he sent to Lord Scamperdale, with his compliments), and 

 presently had the uneven kennel in something like shape. 



Nor was this the only way in which he made himself useful, for 

 Nonsuch House being now supported almost entirely by voluntary 

 contributions, — that is to say, by the gullibility of tradesmen, — 

 his street and shop knowledge was valuable in determining who to 

 " do." With the Post-office Directory and Mr. Sponge at his 

 elbow, Mr. Bottleends, the butler — "delirius tremendous," as 

 Bottleends called it, having quite incapacitated Sir Harry — wrote 

 off for champagne from this man, sherry from that, turtle from a 

 third, turbot from a fourth, tea from a fifth, truffles from a sixth, 

 wax-lights from one, sperm from another ; and down came the 

 things with such alacrity, such thanks for the past and hopes for 

 the future, as we poor devils of the untitled world are quite 

 unacquainted with. Nay, not content with giving him the goods, 

 many of the poor demented creatures actually paraded their 

 folly at their doors in new deal packing-cases, flourishingly 

 directed " To Sir Harry Scattercasii, Bart., Nonsuch 

 House, &c. By Express Train" In some cases they even 

 paid the carriage. 



There is no saying what advantages railway communication 

 may confer upon a country. But for the Granddiddle Junction, 

 shire never would have had a steeple-chase — an " Aris- 

 tocratic," at least — for it is observable that the more snobbish a 

 thing is, the more certain they are to call it aristocratic. When 

 it is too bad for anything, they call it " Grand." Well, as we said 



before, but for the Granddiddle Junction, shire would never 



have had a " Grand Aristocratic Steeple-Chase." A few friends 

 or farmers might have got up a quiet thing among themselves, 

 but it would never have seen a regular trade transaction, with its 

 swell-mob, sham captains, and all the paraphernalia of odd laying, 



