LETTER?. 223 



TO MR R. A- 



Xottingham, 9tli May 1804. 

 Mr DEAPv Friend, 



I have not spoken as yet to Messrs Coldham and 

 Enfield. Your injunction to suspend so doing has left 

 me in a state of mind, which, I think, I am blameable for 

 indulging, but which is indescribably painful. I had 

 no sleep last night, panlv from anxiety, and partly from 

 the effects of a low fever, which has preyed on my nerves 

 for the last six or seven days. I am afraid, Robert, my 

 religion is very superficial, I ought not to feel this dis- 

 trust of God's providence. Should I now be prevented 

 from going to College, I shall regard it as a just punish- 

 ment for my want of faith. 



I conclude ]Mr ^lartyn has failed in procuring the aid 

 he expected. Is it so? 



On these contingencies, Robert, you must know from 

 ray peculiar situation I shall never be able to get to Col- 

 lege. iNIy mother, at all times averse, has lately been 

 pressed by one of the deacons of Castlegate Meeting, to 

 prevail on me to go to Dr Yv'illiams. This idea now fills 

 her head, and she would feel no small degree of pleasure 

 in the failure of my resources for College. Besides this, 

 her natural anxiety for my welfare will never allow her 

 to permit me to go to the University depending almost 

 entirely on herself, knowing not only the inadequacy, 

 but the great uncertaintii, of her aid. Coldham and En- 

 field must likewise be satisfied that my way is clear : I 

 tremble, I almost despair. A variety of contending 

 emotions, which I cannot particularize, agitate my mind, 

 I tremble lest I should have mistaken my call : these are 

 solemn warnings : but no — I cannot entertain the thought. 

 To the ministry I am devoted, I believe, by God ; in 

 what way must be left to his providence. 



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