32 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER, 



August 15, lt>^ 



MISCELLANIES. 



From the New Ensrland Farmer's Almanack for 

 1829 ; now in the press of J. B. Russi:i.l, propri- 

 etor of the New England Farmer and Horticultu- 

 ral Jonnial. 



For the Calendar pages for the month of Au- 

 gust, are the following lines ; by T. G. Fessen- 



DEN. 



HARVEST -INTE!HPERA\CE 



The arnl'te licIJs and gay inea<Iows hehoid. 

 And laugliiii^' luxuriaiil laDdscapc aci-ord, 

 In Irlbulcs (if verdure, rnamcirj wiUi gold, 

 Tlie haid-lmnded lius'iaudnian's [jromis'd reward. 



Bui pause ere you n^alher Uic bouulilu! crop. 

 .\nd listen lo well meanl advice of a friend. 

 Tiie ev:N wli'Ch flow from intemperance slop, 

 So far HS your own goud example may lead. 



Avoid the inveierate hahil of some, 



(ExcesS'VeK fooTsh, atrociously sinful,) 



Now l-'oated v^itli brandy, now reeling wilii rum. 



iVow siu.hng with wliiskey a Spanish brown skin full. 



With the tire of the elements raging w ithnut, 

 Jf tile file of the stili is consuming within, 

 A body of .tdaniant soon must give out, 

 As the sie.^l-5iuew'd laborer soon mast give in. 



A iman l;ad much heller be burnt at the slake. 

 For thus he will finish his troubles much quicker. 

 Than his own carcase take a blue blaze lo make. 

 And he burning for years with the fire of strong liquor. 



island, indirectly hinted to him in the presence of 

 an Irish physician who attended him, the proprie- 

 ty of malung a will in a country where people 

 were so apt to die — the physician thinking his 

 judgment called in question, tartly replied, " By 

 St. Patrick, madam, I wish you would tell me 



his Brutus ; Charles the First his Cromwell ; and 



George the III" ("Treason !" cried the sjieak- 



er ; " treason, treason !" echoed from every part 

 of the house.) — It was one of those tryiit;; nio- 



itients which are decisive of character^ Henrj' 

 faultered not for an instant ; but fixifig on the 

 where j)eo)ile do not die — and I will go and end speaker an eye flashing with fire, coiithiued, ^^mai) 

 my days there. " profit by their example. If this be treason make the 



This puts us in mind of a Hibernian minister most of it.'' — Percy Anecdotes. 



who said during one of his sermons, that if there ^- 



was no such thing as death in the v/oild, we Oiiginnl Mecdaie — T#Sne of our country tav- 

 should increase to such a degree, that the j.lague enis a fen years since, thfie happened to be a 

 would get among us, and we should die off by number of respectable farmers clad in the usual 

 thousands .'! ! habit, when a spruce young gentleman came in, 

 . rigged in the highest style with a watch in his 



Flaltlrer. — A flatterer is said to be a beast that pocket, who strutted around the room with great 

 biteth smiling. But it is hard to know tltein from pomp, dingiing his gold watch keys and seals in 

 friends, they are so obsequious and full of protes- the most foppish manner. After swaggering 

 tations ; for, as a wolf resembles a dog, so doth a about the room a few minutes, he cried out and 

 flatterer a- friend. challenged any man in the room to drop money 

 with him, one piece at a time, and the one whose 



i,ong-e!)i7i/.— Mary Fish, (who was born on a purse held out the longest should take the whole 

 passage from Africa to this country in 1707,) died and treat the company. No one at first appeared 

 a few days since, in Dorchester county. State of disposed to accept his challenge, which only tend- 

 Maivland _ having attained the hundred and twen- 



ty-first year of her age. 



Tliey who are easily flattered are always easily 

 cheated. 



The petty vexations of life are like beggars ; if 

 50U treat them kindly, they " call again ;" but if 

 you kick them from your door, they will be very 

 likely to t ut your acquaintance. 



Silence is the best remedy for anger. If you 

 say nothing, you will have nothing to unsay. 



A man without wisdom is like a cat without 



A London hatter advertises having invented a 

 porous hat, to remedy complaints made against 

 water proof hats of preventing the escape of per- 

 spiration and causing headache. The inventor 

 must have been a relative of the Irishman who 

 made a bole in his shoe to let the water out. 



THE YANKEE AND DUTCHMAN. 



The N. Y. Commercial Advertiser relates the 

 following anecdote of a Yankee pedlar, and a 

 Dutch Inkeeper, near Catskill. 



After some sporting and bantering between 

 Mynheer and .Jonathan, who had shown off some 

 common slight of hand tricks, the said Jonathan 

 declared that he could swallow his robust host ! 



whiskers, liable to thrust his head into a hole \ Notwithstanding that Jonathan had already play 



where he cannot draw his haunches through. 



True pith. — The force of language is apt to be 

 much injured by the multitude of words. A re- 

 spectable tanner, has the singular happy talent of 

 not saying too much. A young man wishing to 

 obtain his consent to marry his daughter, called 

 upon him one day when he happciied to be in the : tomer would accept, when, as he supposed, he 



ed off several of his Yankee tricks which puzzled 

 the good people exceedingly, yet the as.sertion 

 was too great a mouthful for them to swallow, if 

 the pedlar could. A bet sufficient to moisten the 

 throats of the whole company, was the conse- 

 quence between the principal parties, though the 

 hindlord, in proposing it, had no idea that his cus 



ed to render the foj) more inflated with an idea of 

 his superior wealth, and he became the more 

 earnest. At length, a rusty looking, but shrewd 

 old farmer observed, if no one else woidd accept 

 of his offer, he would do it. " It is done," said 

 the fop, and immediately called on a third man to 

 hold the hat, and commenced the game, by drop- 

 ping a piece of money into the hat. The former 

 then put his htind into his pocket and took out 

 what was called a hung-toum copper, and dropt it 

 into the hat. The fop immediately dropt in his 

 second piece, when the farmer, feeling in his 

 pockets after another piece, but finding none, 

 gravely observed, " I own you beat, I've got no 

 more — you may take the whole and treat the 

 company. — Trent. Emp. 



Curiosity. — Large flocks of swallows are daily 

 seen on the small bridges on the turnpike between 

 Chelsea and Lynn. On the bridge nearest to 

 Lynn may be seen at all hours of the day one 

 which mixes witli the rest in color perfectly ivhite. 

 For several days past it has been noticed with 

 much pleasure by the passengers passing in the 

 different stages. — Centinel. 



field ploughing with his oxen. It was, past all 

 doubt, a fearful matter for a dilHilent man to 

 broach, and the hesitating lover, after running a 

 parallel with the furrow several times round the 

 field, and essaying with all his courage to utter 

 the important question, at last stammered out, 



I — I —I've been thinldng, P.Ir. , that — that 



as how I — S — I should be gl — gl — glad to — to — 

 m — m — mar — marry your daughter. 



Farmer — Take her and use her well — lolioa, haiv. 

 Buck. — Berks. Am. 



" Four and twenty Fiddlers'" in a IFhaJe's Bel- 

 ly. — An entertainment has been given by Mr. Kes- 

 sels, the naturalist of Gaud, for tiie purpose of ex- 

 hibiting an enormous whale, which M. Cuvier and 

 others think must have reached the age of 9 or 10 

 centuries. The orchestra was arranged in the 

 interior of the stupendous aiiitnal, and there were 

 24 performers. — London Weekly Review. 



An Irish gentleman being taken ill of a yellow 

 fever at Jamaica, a lady who had married in that 



„, . r ., ., J- . I DISTRICT OF MASSACHU.SETTS, !o «i(. 



must be certam of losmg. Jonathan then direct- i District Cla-k's Office. 



ed that Rlynheer should be divested of his coat Be it remembered. That onlhe eighteenth dav of July, A D. 

 and boots," and be stretched longitudinally upon 1^528, in the fifty-ihii-d year of the I.idependence of ihe U„i,ed 

 " ' ,. I 1 , I ■ II Stales of America, J. li. Russell, of the said dislrict, has depos- 



the old oaken table which had stood in the bar- i,ed in this office the title of a b,ook, the right whereof he claims 

 room for half a centurv. These arrangements as proprietor, in the words following, to h ii : 



, 1 T ' ..1 • 1 ■ 1 ** The New American Gardener ; containing practical Uirec- 



havmg been made, Jonathan vol aciously seized tions on die Cuhurc of Fruiis and Vugetables; including Ladn 

 upon the honest landlord's gouty great toe, which scape and Ornamental Gardenins', (irape Vines, Silk, Straw- 



he pressed rather violently between his teeth, giv- 

 ing the good man a twinge which cau.sed a writh- 

 ing movement and a groan. " Dunder and blix- 

 um !" exclaimed Mynheer : " Vat te tetKI do ye 

 pite me sho for ?" " Why, you darn'd great fool," 

 said Jonathan, " You didn't think I was going to 

 swallow you whole, did you ?" A burst of laugh- 

 ter proclaimed Jonathan the victor, and Mynheer 

 had to pay the toast and toddy. 



Patrick Henry. — When Patrick Henry, who 

 gave the first impulse to the ball of the American 

 revolution, introduced his celebrated resolution on 

 the stamp act into the House of Burgesses of Vir- 

 ginia (May, 1765,) he exclaimed, when descanting 

 on the tyranny of the obnoxious act, " Cesar had 



berries, &c. &c. By Thomas G. Fes.senden, Editor of Ihe New 

 England Farmer. 



j *' God .\lmight3- first planted a Garden j and indeed it is the 

 ! purest of humau pleasures : it is the ereatest r«fi"esliment to Ihe 

 [spirits of man; without \vhich buildings and palaces are but 

 gross handv-w'orks. ^Bacon's Essays." 



In conformity to the act 0/ Congress of the United States, en- 

 titled, "An Act for ihe encouragement of learning; by securing 

 the copies of maps, charts, and book, to the authors and proprie- 

 tors of such cnpies during the times therein mentioned;" and 

 also to an act, enlilled, "An Act supplementary to an act, enti- 

 tled, An Act for the encouragemeoi ol learning, by securing the 

 copies of maps, charts, and books, to the authors and proprietors 

 of such copies during the times therein mentioned ; and extend- 

 ing the benefits thereof to the arts of Jesjgnin^, engraving, and 

 etch ng historical and other prints. JNO. W. DAVIS. 



Clerk of the District 0/ Massachusetts. 



Published every Friday, at ^3 per annun), payable at the 

 end of the year — but those who pay within sixty days li-om Iht 

 lime of suhcribing, are culitled !o a deduction of tifiy c<uUs. 



