40 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER, 



August 22, 182!5. 



MISCELLAWI ES. 



Frp/n the iferlMliire American. 



MILITIA SYSTE3I. 



Our Militia System, (says tlie accomi>lished Ed- 

 itor) is every day treated with less and less re- 

 spect. It is attacked in the pulpit— lashed by the 

 press — stouted liy wags — hated by farmers — exe- 

 crated by the mechanics, and treated with rude- 

 ness even by the soldiers themselves. In short, it 

 ■finds little quarter e.vcejjt with idle boys, ronipiiisj 

 girls, and members of the Legislature. Not long 

 ago the follow ing conversation took place between 

 Colonel Cantecuzena, a member of the Legislature 

 anil Corporal Calabash — both officers of the Mas- 

 sailiusetts militia. 



Col. — Well, friend Calabash, you've got a ris- 

 ing.', post. 



Corp. — Why, yes sir — rather on the rise ; and 

 as the militia system is falling, I may soon get to 

 the to|i. 



Col Get to the to]) ! — what do you mean you 



tmgraceless reprobate ? You don't calculate, to 

 mount over the heads of colonels, and majors, and 

 the like, and get to the top without passing thro' 

 the regular gradations of office. 



Corp. — I had no idea of mounting at all ; I was 

 only tliiuking of waiting till the system come doum 

 to me. 



Cul. — Eh ? — Then you will wait one while, by 

 gorry — and you may as well hang up your whis- 

 tle as to think of rising like a Ponux, on the ashes 

 of our glorious and unparalysed militia system. 



Corp. — it is not altogether unparalysed, colonel ; 

 on the contrary, it has met «'ith some pretty smart 

 shocks, that have benumbed and crippled it most 

 •severely. It is with great difficulty it can make a 

 shift to stand, by the help of the Legislature. 



Col. — Harkee, corporal Calabash, I belong to 

 that honorable body, and I advise you not to cast 

 none of your slurs and back-handed illusions upon 

 the coiToborated wisdom of the Slate, or |)ossibly 

 you may be brought up for attemi)t of court. 



Corp. — I have been brought up by an attempt 



mising young officer like you, a corporal, enlisted 

 against the militia system. 



Corp. — I am a promising fellow, it is true ; and 

 as a proof of it, I ])romisc you on the word of a 

 corporal, that I have very little ambition for the 

 honor and glorv of a militia officer. So far from 



nermost portion of the brain, is compressed or in- 

 jured, that life and intellect are affiicled. 



Except thou desire to hasten thine end, fake 

 this for a general rule, that thou never add anj 

 artificial heat to thy body by wine or spice, tmtii 



wishing to mount over your head, as you just now I thou fiiul that time hath decayed thy natural heat, 

 mentioned, that I pray heaven your epaulettes may | and the sooner thou begimiest to help Nature, tlu 



cling to your shoulders, and your sword to you 

 side, as long as the State continues in petticoats, 

 and is pleased with mere military play-things. 



Col Though I sp.nke about sticking to the sys- 

 tem, I had no idear of holding on to my commis- 

 sion (brevor. No, I calculate soon to resign -my 

 ejxiulcltcs and other bags of distinction, having al- 

 ready spent a good thousand dollars in supporting 

 them honorably. i 



Corp. — Indeed ! It is vastly tein])ting for a cor- ; 

 poral to ])crsevere in the path of (iromotion ! — to i 

 get honor enough to come to a thousand dollars ! 

 But I take it mihtia honors will be less exjiensive 

 belbre many years. The peojjie are wide awake, 

 and fully resolved to get rid of so useless a burden. 

 Col. — How do they calculate to get red of it, 

 Mr. Corporal ? 



Corp. — By getting the law repealed. 

 Col. — Exactly so. But harkee, Calabash, that 

 is not so' easy a matter as some people imagine. I 

 belong to the Legislater, and while I have a seat 

 there, I'll do my best to keep iij) the old militia 

 sjstem. 



Corp. — l'n«qual and burdensome as it is ! 



Col 1 don't care a snap for that ; I've spent a 



thousand dollars in its support, and 



Corp. — Never benefitted the country a thousand 

 mills — I beg ]iardon for interrupting- you, colonel. 

 Col. — Whether I've benefitted the country or 

 not, I leave to my coustickuents to judge. But 

 one thing I know, I've spent my money, and I'm 

 determined others shall spend tlicir'n in the same 

 way. 



Corp. — A noble principle that ! — and worthy of 

 a Legislator ! ! 



Col. — Worthy, or unworthy, sir, it is the princi- 



sooner she will forsake thee, and leave thee alto- 

 gether to Art. — Sir. W. Ralegh. 



Vegelahle Resuscitation. — A very old niulberrv 

 tree was shattered in pieces by a storm of wind 

 in 1790 ; afterwards, an elder tree, which grew, 

 without doubt, from berries that luid fallen into 

 the heart of the old mulberry trunk, usurped its 

 place ; this elder tree died in 182G, and then — 36 

 years after the destruction of their parent stem — 

 about a dozen of mulberry shoots started forth to 

 the light of day. 



Many people say ripe fruit is always wholesome. 

 But it is injurious to eat to excess even of good : 

 beside, proportions of diflerent kinds of food are 

 required. Fruit has very different properties, what- 

 ever those projierties are, good or bad, they are 

 most powerful when the fruit is ripe. 



Numerous Swiss emigrants remained at Ha\rf 

 when the Olympian sailed, waiting a passage to 

 the United States. AH the American vessels there 

 could have a full compliment. We are informed 

 some months since, that from eight to ten thous- 

 and were arranging to emigrate, principally from 

 the Canton of Bern. 



of court too often, and comiielled to march half a P^e "f a majority <,f the Legislater— of that honor- 

 ilav witii a gun on my shoulder, a mere spectacle 1 able body, who are two thu-ds of them past and 

 for boys— and all to gratify your Leeislative wis- I present mibfm ojicers, such as generals, colonels, 

 dom, which is more lame than justice herself, and I majors, &c. all of whom have spent a great deal 

 comes hmpmg along a mile behind the sense of >*' nioney in brushing up their regimentals, and 

 the a^e. ' pohshing their weepons, and wetting their com- 



Col— The age has no sense— the people are I "ussions, and wish to strut about like so many 

 start mad— as mad as a March mare. Wo should i I'uftbons, for idle boys to stare at, and never will 

 have fine thnes, indeed, if our laws did'nt compel \ consent that others shall come off with a lighter 

 ihe poor jieoplc to protect the propertij of the rich. But | burden than they. 



1 cannot believe the people are "in airnest about ] Corp.— WeW, if the Legislature is composed of 

 overthrowing our glorious and matchless mditia such men, it is time they had leave to stay at home, 

 ■system. and the noncommissioned officers and privates will 



Corp.— Never boast of its being inatchkss, colo- !be apt to reserve the right of command, and say 

 uel, for public opinion is preparing a match for it to them, at the ballot boxes— "to the right about 

 that will be apt to blow it sky high, sir. 



Col. — Is it so near its end then, Calabash ? 



Corp. — It is even so. It has been trembling for 

 some years, and now only survives to excite ridi- 

 cule and reproach. 



Col.— Well, if it must go, I'll light for it till all 



Bitter Jilmonds. — Tlipse were considered bv th- 

 ancients as of use to alleviate the evils of drunkei; 

 ness. Plutarch relates iiat Drusus' pliysician 

 (v/ho was a great drinker) took at every cup Hw 

 bitter almonds, to allay the heat and fumes of the 

 wine. Bitter almonds are held aperient, detersive 

 and diuretic ; they are therefore recommended in 

 obstructions of the liver, spleen, &c. Pliny states, 

 that a decoction of the roots of the bitter almond- 

 tree supples the skin, prevents wrinkles, and give:< 

 a fresh, cheerful color to the countenance ; and 

 that bitter almonds cause sleep, and create appe- 

 tite. They were considered as a cure for chil- 

 blains, as well as the bite of a mad doc. 



face ! March ! You're dismissed ! 



Loss of brains The present Duke of Manches- 

 ter met with an accident, by which a piece of 

 his skull was kicked away by a horse, with a por- 

 tion of the brain also ; and yet his Grace has made 

 is blue. Ay, sir, I'll stick to it to'tho'ust, as Lon- \ a very excellent Governor of a colony notwith- 

 idas did with his three hundred Spaniards at the standing. It is now well known, that the outer, 

 Straits of Trcmoppily ;_I'1I i:,-vcr, never give up "i", as it is called, the coHtcal part of the brain, is 

 the ship by gorry. entirely devoid of feeling when in a natural ynd 

 Corp.— Bravo"! colonel. ■ see a man ofliealthy state ; and that any portion of it may be 

 vour ni' tile. lost by accident, (as in this instance) or by disease, 

 Col.—A\, sir— I hope I am ,„> v.anting in the without any inteference with the intellect of the 

 real military sperji, I ain asteiijshcd to find a pre- individrral. It . is only when the medullary, cr in- 



DISTKICT OF M.\S.SACHl/SETT.S, to wit: 



District Clerk's Offire. 



Be it remembered, Thai on the eiEhlepiiih Hay of July, A D. 

 1828, in ihe firty-lhird yt»nr of the liidcpeiKlen'ce of Ihe'Uniled 

 Slales of America, J. A. Russell, o! the said dislricl, has dcpos- 

 iicd in Uiis office the liile of a f-ook, the right whereol he claims 

 as proprietor, in tho words follow iiig, to wit ; 



" The New American Gardener ; containing practical Direc- 

 tions on he Culiure ol Fruiis and Vufetahles; lucludiiig Ladn 

 scape and Orriiimenta! Gardeninff. (Jrape Vines, Silk, Straw- 

 berries. &.C. &.C. By Thomas U. Fes.»ienden. Editor of the New 

 England Farmer. 



" God Almighty first planteil a Garden ; and indeed it is the 

 purest of human pleasures : it is the greatest refreshment to the 

 spirits of man ; without which buildings and palaces are but 

 gross handy-works — Bncon's Essays." 



In conformity to the act ol C'lmgress of the United States, en- 

 titled, "An Act for the encouragement of learning, by securing 

 the coniesof maps, charts, and book, to the authors and proprie- 

 tors o! such ci'pies during the limes therein nienlioned j" and 

 also to an act. entitled. "An Act stippleinentar)' to an act, enti- 

 tled. An Act for the eiicouragemeul ol learning, by securing the 

 copies of maps, clirirts. and books, to the authors and proprietors 

 of such copies duiiiis: the times therein mentioned ; and extend- 

 ing the benefits thereof to the arts of desiffniiig, engraving, and 

 etch ng historical and other prints. JNO. W. DAVIS. 



Clerk of the District of Massac/iuseti£. 



Published every Friday, at ^3 per annum, payable at ilie 

 end of the yc<u- — but those who pay within sixty days from the 

 tiine fif subcribing, arc entitled tn « deduction of fifty cents. 



