200 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



Jan. 4, 1S32. 



MISCELLANY 



THE CARRIEH-S ADDRESS TO HIS PATRONS. 



Time, ail old cynical curiiuidgeon, 



A busy Iioily, ever liuilging. 



Who never, since the earth begun 



To *!pin her lono^ yarns roun<l Mie sun, 



(His every alienation reckoned,) 



Has lost one nineteenth of a second ! 



Active, but never in a flurry, 



Whom forty hurricanes can't hurry; 



And all the world, and all that's in it. 



Can no more bribe to stop a minute. 



Than I, by stamping on the ground. 



Can stop the globe from turning round — 



That personage, who is, you're sensible, 



Created being's indispensable. 



Has brought your Carrier once more 



Before your Eminence's door. 



With compliments in rhyme and reason. 



Well cut and dried to suit the season — 



To wish, .IS Sternliol'i said, you may 



Be blest ' forever — and a day,' 



And eke as merry as a loon. 



Until the nevt day's afternoon. 



Last year it seemed no question whether 

 Our articles of wind and weather 

 Weie manufactured at the shop 

 Of Tristram Shanily's Doctor Slop. 

 'Twas feared the skies, by dint of dripping. 

 Would make o^irhigh ways roads Jor shipping 

 And leave us naught, which one coald term a 

 Good solid foot of terra firma ; 

 But earth, ere rain would cease to pour. 

 Would be a sea without a shore. 



Our atmosphere, transformed in wrath 

 To one great shower and vapor bath. 

 Made sweet Miss Flora cross and crusty, 

 Pomona's Sunday suit grew rusty. 

 Dame Ceres' garb of home-spun, plain, 

 But neat, so smirched with mud and rain : — 

 Her goddess-ehip appeared a slattern, 

 Cut from the queen of qusan's worst pattern ; 

 The toil-worn farmer's phiz 't is stated 

 Waxed wo begone and elon^.iled ; 

 The jobbernowl of many a clodpole 

 Might serve surveyors for a rod-pole, 

 For that wherei'.s untimely rain 

 Had hurt his hay, and grown his grain ; 

 Though turnips, corn and grass in pasture 

 This very lain brought forward faster. 



What hurts one helps another crop, 

 A fact which should such murmurs stop ; 

 What is, is right, well understood. 

 And partial ill is general good ; 

 A solemn truth, without a trope. 

 Long since enforced by poet Pope. 



Each master of the Farmer's art. 

 Intent on acting well his part, 

 Has difiPercnt sorts of produce growin" 

 In ploughed land, pasturing and mowing ; 

 The season then, which mischief brings 

 To one crop, may have balmy wings 

 For some anticipated yields 

 In products of some other fields ; 

 And by such management as this. 

 No season can come much amiss. 

 But, on an average, it? round. 

 With competence at least be crowned. 



That wight deserves to be eschewed 

 For baseness and ingratitude. 

 Who hesitates to yield applause 

 To our good Gardeners, because 

 They introduce t' enrich the nation 

 New articles of cultivation. — 

 Not only giving man a greater 

 Di minion o'er the realms of nature. 

 But means of plentiful subsistence 

 To human beings, whose existence 

 Will be a boon, entirely owing 

 To benefits of their bestowing. 



Malthus said poor folks should not breed, 

 And those who cannot clothe and feed 

 Their precious little ones, no doubt 

 Are rather better off without. 

 Life scarcely can he styled a blessing, 

 With nought in life that's worth possessing. 

 Besides, our cultivators, giving 

 New ways and means to make a living. 

 Their country cause, by such donation, 

 A sure increase in population. 

 In yeomen, moral and industrious. 

 Who make a nation more illustrious 

 Than nobles, armies, towers and palaces — 

 All bloated grandeur's gorgeous fallacies. 

 Superb monstrosities of state. 

 Which, if they prove a nation great. 

 Are like hydropical inflations. 

 Diseases' direst demonstrations. 

 Princes and kings, as Goldsmith said, 

 A breath may make, a breath has made. 

 But arts alone of cultivation 

 Can f^ibricate a mijhty nation. 



But lest you think my moralising 

 Is .setting up for sermonising. 

 Though never yet ordained a preacher, 

 Nor wise enough to be a teacher, 

 1 '1! shut the floodgate of my lays. 

 And throw cold water on that blaze. 

 Which must more hydrogen require, 

 To make it right poetic fire. 



But still, may't please you, ere that I 

 Bid your pre-eminence good bye, 

 A quarter, or a pair of dimes. 

 May balance my account for rhymes: 

 But then, I hope, you '11 owe mc still 

 A great abundance of f;ood will, 

 A sort of stock in which my betters 

 I beg might always be my debtors. 

 Ja.vu.iry 1, 1832. 



parody of a poacher. 

 A poor strollincr player in England, was once 

 caught performing the part of a poacher, and bein" 

 taken before the magistrates assembled at quartPT 

 sessions, for e.xaminatioii, one of them asked what 

 right he had to kill a hare, when he replied in the 

 following parody on Brutus' speech to the Romans, 

 in defence ofhis killing Caesar: 

 Britons, hnngrymen, and epicures ! 

 Hear me for my cause, and be silent that you may 

 hear.believe me for my honor,and have respect for my 

 honor that you may believe; censure me not in your 

 wisdom, and awake your senses that you may better 

 judge. If there be any in this assembly,any dear friend 

 of this hare, to him I say that a poacher's love for 

 hare is no less than his. If then he demand why a 

 poacher rose against a hare, this is my answer: not 

 that I loved hare less, but that I loved eating more. 

 Had you rather this hare were living than I had 

 died quite starving— than that this hare were dead, 

 that I might live a jolly fellow ? As this hare was 



pretty, I weep for him ; as he was plump, I honor 

 hitii ; as he was nimble, 1 rejoice at it ; but as he wag 

 eatable, I slew him. There are tears for his beauty, 

 honor for Ins condition, joy for his speed, death for 

 his toothsomeness. Who is here so cruel, would 

 see nie a starved man? if any, speak, for him liave I 

 offended. ' Who is lie so silly, that would not make a 

 tit-bit?— if any, speak, for him have 1 offended. Who 

 is he sosleek, that does not luve his belly ? — if any 

 speak, tor him have I offended.' 



' Vou have offended Justice, sirrah,' cried out one 

 of the magistrates^ out of all patience with this lontr 

 and strange harangue, wliicli had began to invade 

 the time that his own belly had arrived. 



'Then,' said the culprit, guessing at the hungry 

 feelings of the bench, -since /ustice is dissiitisfied, 

 it must needs have something to devour. Heaven 

 forbid I should keep any justice from dinner !— so, if 

 you please, I'H wish your lordship a good day and a 

 good hare to dinner ." 



The magistrates, eager to retire, and somewhat 

 pleased with the fellow's last wish, gave him a repri- 

 mand and let him go. 



Jewelry, hatches and Fancy Goods. 

 \VM. M. WESSON, No. 105 Washington Street, 

 Boston, is constantly supplied with a good assortment 

 of Watches, Silver and Plated Ware, Jewelry, Cutlery, 

 Trays of all kiods, Fancy Goods, ^-c, ^c, which he will 

 dispose of at as low a rate as can be purchased in the 

 i'y- [CT Watches repaired and warranted. 



Sir Thomas Browne^s ll'orks. 



HiLLiARD If Brown, Booksellers lo the University, 

 Canibiidge. have this day published— The Library of 

 the Old English Pro-e Writers, Vol. HI., conlaining tli« 

 Miscellaneous Works of Sir Thomas Browne, with some 

 account of his file and writings. Edited byM* Rev. 

 Alexander Young. This volume conl.tiirf. the whole of 

 •I'be Religion of a Physician,' tieatfse' on ' Urn-Burial," 

 the Letter to a Friend on the dealh ol bis intimate 

 Friend, and selections from the ' Vulgar Errors.' 



H. & B. have a few copies remaining of the first and 

 second vols, of this collection, containing Fuller's Holy 

 Slate, Sidney's Defence of Poesie, and Seidell's Tabl« 

 Talk. Each volume may be obtained separately, nen/Zu 

 bo und in linen, or elegantly in calf and gilt. Dec. 21. 



Flooring Boards, fyc . -■ 



Of hard Southern Pine, or Eastern White Pine, fur- 

 nished to order, ready planed (by steam power) and 

 tongued or grooved, of any required dimensions.. Quality 

 good, and price lower than they c.in be elsewhere had 



Apply to E. COFELAND, Jr, 65, Broad street 



Cobh's Treatise gn Silk. 



Just publishe.i, and for sale at the Agricultural Ware- 

 house and Seed Store, No 50^ North Market street, 



A Manual, containing information respecting the 

 Growth of the Mulberry Tree, with suilable Directions 

 for the Culture of Silk— In three parts— wiih colored en- 

 gravings. By J. H. Cobb, A. M. Published by direiv 

 tion of His Excellency Gov. Lincoln, agreeably to a 

 Resolve of the Lcgislaiure of Massachusetts. Price 37J 

 "^ents. Oct. 26. 



Published evpry \Ve,i„Hsday EirniMg, at gi per annuHL 

 payable at the end c.l ihe year— but those who pay within 

 sixty days from the ume of subecribiiig, are entitlt-d to a de- 

 duction of fifty cents. 



0° No paper will be sent to a distance without paymcnl 

 being made in advance. 



Printed tor J. H. Russell, by I. R. Butts— by whom 

 all descriptions of Printing can be executed to meet the 

 wishes of customers. Orders for printing received by J. B. 

 UussELL, at the Agricultural Warehouse, No. 52 North 

 Market Street. agents. 



A'cwKor*— G.Thorburn &. SoNS,67Liberiy-slreel 

 Alhamj—W'n. Tnol!HUKN,.in Alarket-sireel. 

 I'liilatleljilna— \) . ii. C Lanhketh ..'35 Cheslnul-slreel 

 Uallimore—G. IS.S.MITH , E.liior ol ihe American Farmer. 

 Ciiirinmiti—S. C. Pakkhurst,23 Lower Markei-sireel. ' 

 F/iiiliins, N. Y. Wm. PRiNCEit .Sons, Prop. Lia.Boi. Gardes 

 Mi'ldtebnnt. Vt. — Wight Chapman. 

 //.i.7/or</-GooiiwiN & Co. Booksellers. 

 S/)ringfiehl, Ms. — E. Edwards. 

 Newbitryporf , Ebenk/.er Stedman, Bookseller. 

 Portsmouth, N. H.—J. W. Foster, Bookseller. 

 Portland, Af'^.—SxywEt^ Colman, Bookseller. 

 .lufTVsta , Me. Wm. Mann. 



Halifax, N. S — P. J. Hoi land, Esq. Recorder office 

 AIoiUrea/.L. C. — Henry Hillock. 



