72 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



JtttscfUantcs. 



BY T. G. FESSENDEN. 



Advice to a would be Poet, who had written a " Na- 

 tional Odt''' in a most dismal style, which the author 

 had mistaken for a marvellous mixture of the sublime 

 and pathetic. The Fabricator of the rhymes alluded 

 to had so high an opinion of their merit, that he wished 

 they might be set to music and sung at a political fes- 

 tival. — 



Your lays, Mr Rhyme Monger, are I opine, 



Most nolabk things in the Bobadil line ; 



But believe me no boasting nor bombast there needs 



To blazon and burnish American deeds. 



One would think that your muse, from the style you 



begin. 

 Had indulged in a dram of gun-powder and gin. 

 For your metaphors mad, and your similies huddled, 

 Proclaim Mr. Bard, and Miss Muse were bolhfuddled. 



When I first set my eyes on your tinkling commodity, 

 The ranting quintessence of nonsense and oddity, 

 Thinks I to myself, surely sprnig must be nigh, 

 For lo ! the wild geese are beginning to fly 1 



Like a cart o'er a pavement it rumbles along, 



Or a rantipole-cafaract roaring a song ; — 



Each petulant line, seems to snarl at its neighbour, 



And the whole makes pomposity's mountain in labour. 



Your string of hard words, strung without any skill. 

 Appears like the alphabet ground in a mill, 

 Rudely jumbled together, sans bolting or sifling. 

 Like brush wood adown the Connecticut drifting. 



Sometimes you are delving at meaning profound. 

 And creep like a meadow mole under the ground, 

 Then determiu'd the nadir of folly to probe, 

 You seem a geologist, boring the globe. 



And now again mounted on metaphor high, 



You resemble a terrapin trying to fly. 



Or a cat in a parachute, loos'd from balloon, 



Or a huge heavy mass, tumbling down from the moon. 



With your ' epochs' and ' eras,' and ' fighting for 



freedom,' 

 If the sons of Columbia could have you to lead 'em. 

 Against an arra'd universe led to the charge. 

 They would certainly conquer creation at large ! 



For such is the meaning, if aught is bcstow'd. 

 Of what 3'ou have nick-nam'd a " National Ode," 

 Bat which one would think in Laputa was made, 

 Or cast in a mould by a tinker by trade. 



This " Ode," as you call it, yon wish set to ransic. 

 Though its bare recitation, makes Christian or Jew 



sick ; 

 But I should much rather, were I in your place 

 Run my chance for an earthquake to play thorough 



bass. 



A tenor I would not attempt to perform 

 Without special aid from a grand thunder storm, 

 And treble perhaps, of a suitable strain, 

 Will be whistled and howl'd in the next hurricane. 



tor, " then I'll see if I cannot take awny n lit- 

 tle of that cleverness from you." So ho order- 

 ed him up into a garret room to be confined on 

 bread and water. By some chance a cat was 

 locked up in the room with him. Tearing the 

 sheets into strings, he made a long cord ot it, 

 and having fastened the cat to the etid of it, 

 stood with the window open prepared for what 

 might happen. At his usual hour the Doctor 

 returned from visiting his patients, got out of 

 his sedan chair, his hat according to custom, un- 

 der his arm, and his enormous white powdered 

 wig, which would have covered a bee hive, 

 exposed to view. Young Cullen immediately 

 let down the cat, which, catching hold of the 

 Doctor's wig with her claws, held it fast. The 

 Doctor, greaily alarmed, looked up to his infi- 

 nite chagrin and amazement, beheld wig and cat 

 ascending into the air, and his son looking out 

 and laughinff. Ah, you rascal, exclaimed the 

 Doctor, is this your doing ? Yes, roared out the 

 arch youngster, while the passers by stopped in 

 surprise, yes, father, you threatened to deprive 

 I me of my cleverness, and TU be hang'd if 1 

 have not deprived you of all yours. 



The sons of (he late Dr. Cnllcn, of Edin- 

 burgh, were distinguished by extraordinary tal- 

 ents, accompanied however," by the most eccen- 

 Jric turns of mind and whimsical fancies. One 

 of them was, when a small boy, so singularly 

 arch, and at the same time high mettled, that 

 the Doctor could get lillic good of him. II 

 the Doctor corrected him, he vvorried the Doc- 

 tor in return. One day he committed some ve- 

 ry liigh oftenr.e which (he Doctor resolved to 

 punish. A friend who was present interposed, 

 and said " do. Doctor, forgive him this lime, by 

 my fiiith, he's a clever little fellow." <' Yes, 

 (re-echoed the boy archly) I am indeed a clev- 

 er lillle fellow." "Aye, Aye," said the Doc- 



the suburbs, and of which the population may 

 be staled in round numbers at 1500, and there 

 will remain for the true number of the popula- 

 tion of the built parts of the city in 1302, 

 121,496."— JVaJ. Gaz. 



At an English Opera House, last summer, a 

 gentleman fell suddenly in love with a young 

 lady, who sat with her mother and sisters a few 

 seats from him ; tearing a blank leaf out of his 

 pocket-book, he wrote with a pencil, "may I 

 inquire if your affections are engaged?" and 

 handed it to iier, which she showed to her 

 mother. — Shortly afterwards she wrote under- 

 neath his question, " I believe 1 may venture to 

 say they are not ; but why do you ask ?"' and 

 returned him the paper. The gentleman then 

 wrote on another leaf, " 1 love you dearly, 1 

 am single, I have £I0G0 a year, I am not in 

 in debt, 1 have a good house, and I only want a 

 good wife to make me completely happy : will 

 you be mine? If you will, I promise (and with 

 every intention of keeping my word) to be an 

 affectionate, indulgent, and faithful husband to 

 you, and what more can Isay?"' The young 

 lady was so much pleased with this declaration, 

 that they immediately became acquainted, and 

 in about four months afterwards, with the leave 

 of her parents, led her to the hymeneal altar. 



Impertinence re-wardcd. — A man of mean ap- 

 pearance, last week, made some purchases at a 

 shop in Bath, to the amount of \\s. Cr/. in pay- 

 ment of which he tendered a gold sovereign. — ■ 



A Prinler^s remnrkable dream. — The printer 

 of the Farmer's Advocate, says — " We do not 

 pretend to ' believe in dreams,' but we had one 

 a few nights since, of such a singular charac- 

 ter that we cannot resist an inclination to give 

 it publicity. Wo dreamed (for printers are 

 subject to dreams) that all our delinquent sub- 



^icribers flocked in and paid up their old ac- . „,, . , :.i •, j i - j 



f ',. , ■ I The shop-keeper with a conceited smile, ad- 



coun s — consequenllv. we immediately procur- , • ' , "^ . ■ i n i l 



; ^ , ■' , ,, . , , J ., I dressing the customer, said — "I see vou have 



ed new type, en arged the Advocate, and paid , f „ ,, ^ ^ .', . . ,, •' , ,, 



' , vi ' 1 I .1 • 1 \ s:ot a stransrer. " Yes, ' replied the man (cocy 



off the paper maker. n this we were exceed- ' ^ , ,. 1- . , J.. ^ ,■ ., ^ i ■' 



. 1 j'l- 1 J 1 .• . „ 1 ,,„; pocketms: his coin, and walking cut of the shop, 



insr V de 'Kbfed — but just as we were about to V , =, j ' ,u . i i f . ,- i- \ 



^ ' ? ^ !■ , /■ I 1 11 , , leaving the goods that had been cut for him) 



render a host of grateful acknowledgements to , , ^J » „■;;;;,, • i A 



^, , , , 1 . I-,, I . i tind before ti'c part, .ce tc'iH be better aCiiuatiuea. 

 our patrons, an unlucky, blundering little m- 1 •' •' ' ' 



sect, (which we do think mighf have found j ,j,^^ Detroit Gazette mentions that Mr. Wil- 

 better lodarings) gave us such a friendly grip be- ^^^^ _., „..,„ ^^^^ ^^j.,;^^^ ^^^^^ „,g ^-^^ 



(ween the shoulders, that we awoke under the ,„^^g „(• 5 3.^ ^ji^, ;,, ^^ minutes and 15 sec- 

 dreadful apprehension that the Sherifi had fa- on,is_The first mile in 7 and the last G 1-2 

 vored us with a call — but 'twas all a dream — minutes 

 all but the bite. ' 



FRUIT TREES, &c. 



JAMES BLOODGOOn & CO. 

 have for sale at their Xursery 

 at Flushing, on Longlsland, near 

 Xew York, 



Fruit and Forest Trees, Flowering Shrubs & Plants, 



According (o the valuable and engaging lit-' 

 tie work, " Philadelpliia in 1824," published 

 by Messrs. Carey & Lea, the number of Zooms in 

 that vicinity does not fall short of 5000, atid 

 there are upwards of thirty cr.tlon factories. 

 most of them on an extensive scale. The num- ' 

 ber of brcteerics is fit'lccn. There are one hun- 

 dred and forty-eight attorneys and counsellors at . of the most approved sorts. 



law; and one hundred and seventeen physicians, j The I'roprielors of this Nursery attend personally to 

 Philadelphia receives nearly one half of the an- "'^ inoculation and engrafting of nH l/uir Frnil Trees, 

 nual interest on the whole debt of the United ' ^""^ purchasers may rely with confuleace, that the 



riM , , 1 1 ft •. 1 • ,; Trees they order Will prove genuine. 

 States. Ihe total value of her capital in real orders left with MrZEBEiiEE Cook, jr. No.JlState 

 and personal estate, including stock, is eslimat-] street, Boston, will be transmitted to u?. and receive 

 ed >§l.j8,286, 478. The amount of postage paid our prompt and particular attention. Catalogues ivill 

 herein 1*823 was seventy-seven thousand dol- ' I'c delivered, and any information imparted respecting 

 lars. The number of wagons loaded for Pitts- 1 tbe condition, i:c. &c. that may be required on appli- 

 I ,1 -11 1 . cation to him. Sept. 4. 

 burgh, by a single house, last year, was up-! , , 1 1 , 1 ■ 1 11 ..».i.. hlmimi. ■■ 



wards of two iiundred — and the freight alone I ' TERMS OF TlllO I'\-iKMKu" 



at the present reduced rate, amounted lo 24,000 Q:;^ Published every .Saturday, at Thref, Dcmaks 

 dollars. Th;s may afford an idea of the vast per annum, payable at the end'of the year— i I'l ibose 

 iiuaiititv sent westward in the same way. \V'e I who pay within su"/)/ i/ni/-' from the time of sii.sciibinj: 



have fil'ty-live printing offices. The Ibllowing 

 view is taken of our population. The whole 



will be entitled to a dcdnction ot' Fifty Cems. 

 0:^ No pai'cr will be discontinued (unless at the 



arc paid. 



1 ,. r ,1 ■, - ■, .1 .1. ; discretion of the publisher,) until arreara, 



population ol the city and county, by the cen- ^ ''' 



-us of 1820, was 13l">,4!l7. Deduct from this JOB PRINTING 



amount the returns of the several tow 'rihiiis of executed with neatness and despatch, on reasonable 



llie county, which tire not proprii; parts ofi terms at this Office. 



