144 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



J^isccUanfrs. 



SATURDAY NIGHT. 



SWEET to the soul the parting ray, 

 Which ushers placid evening in, 

 When with the sliU expiring day. 

 The Sabbath's peaceful hours begin ; — 

 How grateful to the anxious breast, 

 The sacred hour of holy rest ! 



I love the blush of vernal bloom, 

 When morning gilds night's sullen tear : 

 And dear to me the mournful gloom 

 Of Autumn — Sabbath of the year ; 

 But purer pleasures, joys sublime, 

 Await the dawn of Holy lime. 



Hush'd is t!ie tumult of the day, 

 And worldly cares, and Intsiness cease, 

 Wiiile soft the vesper breezes play. 

 To hymn the glad return of peace ; 

 O season blest ! () monicnU given 

 To turn the vagrant thoughts to heaven ! 



What though involved in lurid night. 

 The loveliest forms in nature fade, 

 Yet 'mid the gloom shall heavenly light, 

 AVith joy the contrite heart pervade ; 

 O then, great Source of light divine. 

 With beams etherial, gladden mine. 



Oft as this hallow'd hour shall come, 

 O raise my thoughts from earthly things. 

 And bear them to my heavenly home, 

 On living faith's immortal wings — 

 Till the last gleam of life decay 

 In one (rternal Sabbath day ! 



.■} sovcrcig7i remedy for American distresses — 

 proposed four and sixty jears iigo, and as much 

 to be relifid on as the best prescriptions of Hip- 

 pocrates or Galen. 



1. When you incline to have new clothes, 

 look first well over the old ones, and see if yon 

 cannot shil't with them another year, either by 

 scouring, mending or patchincf, it' necessary. — 

 lYcmetnber a patch on your coat and money in 

 your poclict, is belter, and more creditable, 

 than a writ on your hack and no money to take 

 it olT — and when you must buy new clolhe=, let 

 them, I beseech you, he the produce of your 

 own country ; lliey will keep you as warm, 

 and, perhaps, hist :'.ri lon;^ as the best pieces of 

 cloth, manufactured in Great Britain. 



J. When you incline to buy any China ware, 

 chintzes, India silks, or any such baubles, I 

 would not bo so hard with you as to insist on 

 your idisolntely resolving against it; all I would 

 advise is, to put it off, (as you do your reperi' 

 lance) till another year : and this, in some re- 

 .spects, may prevent an occasion of repentance. 

 3. if you are noiv a drinker of punch, wine, 

 ale, tea, or coffee, twice a day, drink them but 

 once a day lor the ensuing year. If you 

 now drink Ihoin but once a day, do it but once 

 every other day. If you do it but once a week, 

 reduce the practice to once a fortnight. And 

 if you do not exceed the quantity as yon les- 

 sen the limes, half your expenses in these ar- 

 ticles will be saved. 



4. And lastly, when you intend to drink 

 rum, fdl the gl.iss half with walej-. If paper 

 money in evei' so great cpiantily couUl he made, 

 no man can get any of it for nothing. Then 

 the merchant's old and doubtful debts may lie 

 paid olY,. and trading become sure beivafle"''. if 

 not extensive. 



Miseries of Human Life. — Being prevailed 

 upon byyoar friend, to accompany liitii lo a din- 



ner parly, lo which vou have not been invited,' 

 and upon ^'our introdnction to the lady of the 

 house, she expresses her regret that her dining 1 

 room is so small, and immediately afterwards, 

 obliquely observes, with a but, that siie can man- 

 age very «ell, as her brother can sit at a side 

 table. j 



Being invited to a wedding dinner, wiien you 

 have just .discovered the inconstancy of yourj 

 wife. I 



In fiharply turning a corner, coming suddenly i 

 in contact with a rI)imricy-?weepGr, who im-j 

 presses your wbi'o waistcoat and light coloured 

 lireeche--, v.ilh very visible memorials of the 

 rencontre. 



Receiving a bomtful splash upon your face 

 and neckcbitb, from a wheel o! a heavily laden 

 cart, suddenly dropping into a pudille of mud- 

 water in a narrow street, and being forwarded 

 by an audacious little butcher's boy, who con- 

 stantly kee))= a little before yon, every now and 

 then looking up and grinning in your face. 



Walking am; in arm with a man of fashion, to 

 whom you have liecn recently introduced, and 

 meeting with a vulgar acquaintance. 



To be obliged to listen to n sharp savage old 

 maid, while s'le relates the srand.il of the vil- 

 lage, yon not being acqu«)ntcd with any creature 

 in It except the narratrix. , 



Asking a lady to permit you to look al a beau- 

 tiful siring of very small pearN, bretiking it in 

 two, scattering lliom over the floor, and crush- 

 ing several under your feel, in endeavoring to 

 collect thejn. 



In a cold nigh;, !or.g logs, and a shorl camp 

 bed. 



Sitting opposite to a m.in u ho squints, and an- 

 swering him when he is adiiressing another per- 

 son. 



Wishing to have an early breakfisf, and the 

 kettle relusing, as if by fatahty. to boil. 



Walking in a dark night, without lamp or lan- 

 tern, upon unequal grounil. 



Calling upon a couple of dear domestic friends, 

 and never finding them at home. 



Fond of being your own carpenter, nttempt- 

 ing lo take off a lock, the screws of which have 

 rusted in their holes, and your screw driver per- 

 petually slipping out of its bite. 



Tormented for a week with a severe tootli 

 ache, going to a dentist, who draws a sound tooth 

 next to the decayed one. 



Curious Cenise of War. — In lOOo, some sol- 

 diers of Modena ran away with a bucket 

 Irom a public well, belonging lo the state ol 

 Bologna. This bucket might be worth a shil- 

 ling; but it produced a quarrel which v^as 

 worked up into a long and bloo<ly war. Henry, 

 the King of Sardina, son of the Emperour Hen- 

 ry the Second, assisted the Blodcnese lo keep 

 possession of the bucket, and he was made 

 prisoner in one of the battles. His father, the 

 t.mperonr, offered a chain of gold that would 

 encircle Bologna, which is .seven miles in com- 

 pass, tor his son's ransom, but in vain. After 

 twenty-two years of imprisonment, his father 

 being dead, he pined away and died. This fa- 

 tal bucket is still exhibited in the tower of the 

 C>thedral of Modena, inclosed in an iron cage. 

 The offer ot the gold chain seemed a prodigious 

 bribe, lint there aie many artists in London, wlio 

 could make a very few ounces of gold answer 

 the purpose ; as n single grain can be hammer- 



ed until it is the thirty thousandtli part of a lino 

 in thii'kness, and will cover fifty square Indies; 

 and £arb square incli may be divided into two 

 hundred strips, reaching more than one-eighth 

 part of a mile. The Bolognese were jirobably 

 aware of the ductility of tiiis metal, and were 

 not lo be duped into such a bargain. 



Franhtin^s mode of lending Money. — I send 

 you herewith a bill for ten louis d'ors. 1 do not 

 pretend to give much. — 1 only lend it (o you.— 

 VNlien you shall return lo your coun'ry,yrm can- 

 not tail of getting into some business thai will in 

 lime enable you lo pay all your debts. In that 

 case, when you meet another honest man in sim- 

 ilar distress, you must pay me by lending this 

 money to him, enjoining him to discharge the 

 debt by a like operation, when he shall be able 

 and shall meet ividi such anoilier opportunely. 

 i hope it may thus go through m my hands bei'ore 

 it meets with a knave to stop its progress. This 

 is a trick of mine for doing a gooii deal with a 

 little money. I am not rich enough to afford 

 much in good works, and so am obliged lo be 

 cunning and make the most of a liule. 



Mr fnctednn being one day at TaltersallV, 

 when Soett, who happened to be- there loo, ask- 

 ed him if he was come there to buy liorses ? 

 " Ye?," said Inclcdon, " but what are you come 

 here (or ? Do you think, Dicky, you could tell 

 the difference between a horse and an ass ?" 

 "Oh yes," said Suetl, " if you were among a 

 th.'csmd horses 1 should know you immedi- 

 atelv." 



A Receipt for producing pleasant dreams, — 1. 

 A good conscience. 2. Good heallii. 3. A free- 

 dom trom evil passions, such as envy, malice, 

 and covetousness. 4. Out of debt. 5. A constant 

 attention to business. 



I ' 



! Tlie Fire-Side. — Home must if possible be 



I rendered pleasant lo its master ; and a wife 



should ever strive lo appear amiable in the 

 I eyes of her husband. A man should come lo 



his own fire side as a weary bird lo ils nest, not 



as a captive to his pri=on. 



% FRUIT TREES, &c. 



TAMES BKOODGOOD&CO. 



have for sale at Iheir Nursery 

 at riufhing, en Long Island, near 



-■--•' ^'S'S>'S^o» New York, 



Fruit and Forest Trees, Flowering Shrubs Sz rianls, 

 of the most approved sorts. 



The Froprietors of this Nursery attend personally (o 

 the inoculation and engrafting of «// Iheir Fni'l Trees, 

 and purchasers may itly with confidence, that the 

 Trees they order will prove genuine. 



Orders left with Mr /?EBEnEK Cook, jr. No. 4-1 State 

 Street, Bosfbn, will be transmitted to us, and receive 

 our prompt and-particular attention. (Catalogues will 

 he delivered, and any information imparted respecting 

 the condition, &:c. k.e. that may be required, on appli- 

 cation to him. Sept. 4. 



TFilMS OF THE F.'.r.A.Cr.. 



O:^'- Published every Saturday, at Thrkf. Doli.ahs 

 I per annum, payable at the end of the year — tut tl-.ose 

 ' who pay within sirlt/ dai/s from tl.e time of subsciibingf 

 will In- entilUd lo a d' iluction of 1 nrv ( ^.^Ts. 

 I (t^l'ostage must bo paid on all letters lo the Editor 

 1 or Publisher. 



