1857. 



NEW ENGLAND FAHMER. 



35 



to die, and perfectly willing to die ; and in the last 

 the same feeling and desire was constantly present, 

 my only regret being the leaving of a young and 

 dependent family. I do not mention this as being 

 any particular psychological feature peculiar to my- 

 self, but in a large experience for sixteen years 

 past, among the sick and dying, I have very sel- 

 dom met with this state of feeling, even among 

 those whom I had supposed decided and exempla- 

 ry Christians. I cannot remember the time but 

 the thought of dying produced a feeling of plea- 

 sure ; and yet, few, I think, relish life and its plea- 

 sures more than myself. To die is not painful, as 

 most suppose ; and allow me to say, that my pro- 

 fessional education and experience has but con- 

 firmed my views of death. I will not stop to ex- 

 plain, or give my reasons for this opinion. 



From this digression I start at the age of four- 

 teen. The previous fall and winter, I worked at 

 shoemaking with the intention of going away from 

 home to school in the spring, paying my mother a 

 small sum each week. I found myself in the spring 

 of 1833 with about fifty dollars ahead. What put 

 this notion into my head, it would be difiicult to 

 tell, but there it was. With a light heart and a 

 strong hope, and no particular object in view, I 

 started for Boston, and took the stage for Wilbra- 

 ham Academy. Stopped at Worcester over night, 

 and the next day was landed at the academy board- 

 ing-house, — a ride of only three or four hours now. 

 Until this time, I had had little taste for books or 

 learning of any kind. I was most fortunate in be- 

 ing placed under one of the best teachers that cel- 

 ebrated school ever had, a Miss Hyde. Even now 

 I remember her mild but firm countenance as if it 

 were but yesterday. Under her training, and that 

 of its present principal, I made rapid progress in the 

 usual English branches of study, and left at the end 

 of six months, fully resolved to obtain an educa- 

 tion. That resolve has been faithfully carried out, 

 This was the grand turning point of my life, and 

 whatever I have since done, or now am, I owe to 

 the six months spent at that school. While there 

 I formed the friendship of a wealthy young man 

 from the central part of this State, with whom, and 

 in whose family, I spent the next five years, worL 

 ing a Httle at my trade, and pursuing my studies 

 with all the energy and enthusiasm of my nature 



The last three years of the five I spent with my 

 friend at a distinguished school some ten miles 

 from Boston ; and to its principal at that time, I 

 owe now a debt of gratitude. While there, I had 

 more than accomplished the usual studies required 

 to enter college, but for the sake of economy, pre- 

 ferred not to enter, though fully intending to do so 

 in the junior year. At about this time, a very in- 

 timate friend, though much older than myself, a 

 clergyman, now settled in the western part of Mas- 

 sachusetts, removed into New Hampshire for the 

 purpose of studying theology at an institution loca- 

 ted in the town of G., at the same time urging 

 me to aval myself of the economy of living there 

 and informing me of the superior advantages 

 offered for study at a celebrated academy in the 

 town. Having been an assistant teacher in a for- 

 mer institution, I now had little trouble in pay- 

 ing my way by the use of my brains, instead of 

 my hands, though I used each as became the most 

 convenient. Here I spent nearly a year, when, by 

 chance, I was offered a situation in the city of New 

 York, with a fair salary. Up to this time, I had 



formed no definite plan for life's duties. Contrary 

 to the advice of my friends, 1 at once resolved to 

 accept the offer, and immediately left N. II. for 

 that city. The idea of living in a large city was 

 particularly fascinating to my young brain. This 

 caused me to abandon the idea of going through 

 college, and for the time spent here, little was giv- 

 en to the study of books. It proved one of the 

 best schools I had yet attended, although its lessons 

 were of quite a different character from any I had 

 heretofore given my attention to. At the end of 

 two years, I got tired of the city, and my old studi- 

 ous habits returned. While here, my twenty-first 

 year had come and gone, and I began to think it 

 high time to have some settled purpose for life ; 

 but before coming to any definite course of action, 

 I had the offer of a select school at a liberal salary 

 in the eastern part of the Old Dominion. Without 

 much consideration, I accepted the offer, and at 

 once took passage for Philadelphia, passing through 

 Baltimore, on to Washington, and spent my first 

 week in the Federal city. My first evening was 

 spent in the Senate of the United States. The 

 Eastern boundary question occupied the attention 

 of the country at this time, and the public mind 

 was in a high state of excitement as to the course 

 Congress would take on this important question. 

 I remember perfectly well the speech of Mr. Web- 

 ster at this evening session. On the next day, how- 

 ever, the very gist of this short speech was ex- 

 plained in quite a different way from what the 

 "Thunderer" delivered himself the evening before, 

 or else my ears and eyes were both at fault. At 

 this visit I had an opportunity of seeing and hear- 

 ing most of the great men of the country, which at 

 that time composed the Senate of the United States, 

 — a large share of them now dead. The acquaint- 

 ance of some of them I formed, which was of great 

 benefit to me a year or two afterwards. 



I spent two years in charge of this school. Here 

 was a large mihtary hospital, which I visited nearly 

 every day, and was led to turn my attention to the 

 study of medicine. I commenced this study with 

 the intention of going into the army. Here I had 

 every advantage I could possibly desire, and for a 

 year and a half I devoted every spare moment out of 

 the school-room to the study of the human sys- 

 tem. 



I now had an object in view ; one to which I had 

 resolved to devote the energy and study of my life. 

 My room was piled with the bones of the dead, and 

 from the sale of these, I afterwards paid my way 

 for a year's study under a physician in N. H. But 

 I must hasten to a close, and will do so by telling 

 what few know outside of my family ; for the good 

 deeds of charity done by Mr. Webster will only be 

 known when his account is rendered above. While 

 here, I wrote to him at Washington, stating my 

 position and future desires. The result was a let- 

 ter from him, which I now preserve as sacred to 

 his memory, inviting me to come to Washington 

 the following winter, and he would place me under 

 Prof. Sewell, a Massachusetts man, and I should 

 have the advantages of the lectures at the Colum- 

 bian College, free of expense. Consequently, I 

 spent, under this arrangement, the winters of 1840, 

 '41 and '42 in that city. My diploma dates from 

 that college. Probably few young men under such 

 discouraging circumstances — if I were to enter in- 

 to particulars — have had greater stimulants to high 

 and honorable achievements in my profession, than 



