64 



THE GENESEE FARMER. 



uctlhic(su\ 



THE DUTCHMAN'S HEN: OR FEMALE PERVERSITY, 



" If she will, she will— you may depend on 't." 



And if she won't, she won't — and there 's the end on V 



" Once with an honest Dutchman walking, 



About his troubles he was talking — 



The most of which seemed to arise 



From friends' and wife's perversities. 



When he took breath his pipe to fill, 



I ventured to suggest, that will 



Was oft the cause of human ill ; 



That life was full of self-denials, 



And every man had his own trials. 



' 'T is not the will,' he quick replied. 



' But it s the won't by which I 'm tried. 



When people will, I 'm always glad, 



'T is only when they won't, I 'm mad ! 



Contrary folks, like mine old hen, 



Who laid a dozen eggs, and ihen, 



Instead of sitting down to notch, 



Kuus off into mine garden patch! 



I goes and catches her and brings her, 



And back on to her nest I flings her; 



And then I snaps her on the head, 



And tells her: 'Sit there, you old jade!' 



But sH she won't, for all I say, 



She's up again, and runs away. 



Then I was mad, as mad as fire ; 

 But once again I thought I 'd try her. 



So after her I soon makes chase, 

 And brings her back to the old place. 

 And then I snaps her a great deal, 

 And does my best to make her feel 

 That she must do as she was bid ; 

 But not a bit of it she did. 

 She was the most contrariest bird 

 Of which I ever saw or heard. 

 Before I 'd turn my back again, 

 Was running off, that cursed hen. 

 Thinks I, I 'm now a ' used-up ' man: 

 1 tit tist adopt some other plan. 

 I 'II fix her now, for if I do n't, 

 My will is conquered by her won't! 

 So then I goes and gets some blocks, 

 And with them makes a little box ; 

 And takes some straw, the very best, 

 And makes the nicest kind of nest. 

 Then in the ne«t the eggs I place, 

 And feel a smile upon my face 

 As I thinks, now at last I've got her, 

 When in the litre box I 've sot her ; 

 For to this little box I did 

 Consider I must have a lid ; 

 So that she could n't get away, 

 But in it, till she hatched, must stay. 

 And then again, once more I chase her, 

 And catch, and in the box I place her. 

 Again I snaps her on the bead, 

 Until I fear she might be dead ; 

 And then, when 1 had made her sit down, 

 Immediately 1 claps the lid on. 

 And now, thinks I, I 've got her fast, 

 She 'II have to do her work at last. 

 No longer shall I stand the brunt 

 Of this old hen's confounded won't! 

 So I goes in and tells mine folks, 

 And then I takes mini? pipe and smokes, 

 And walks about and feels so good 

 That ' would n't' yields at length to • would.' 

 And as so oft I M snapped the hen, 

 I take some ' schnapps ' myself, and then- 

 I thought I 'd see how the old crettur 

 Was getting on where 1 had set her ; 

 The lid, the box so nicely fits on, 

 1 gently raised — (hinder and blitzen! — 

 (Give me more schnapps and till the cup!) 

 _ I here she « as sitting — standing up!"' 

 —Knickerbocker Magazine, 



' ^♦••■^ ! _ 



An Unfortunate Cultivator.— One little " gardeo 

 patch" of ours, says a wag, has been very unprofitable 

 this season, very. The snails ate up the cucumbers, the 

 chickens ate up the snails, the neighbors' cats ate up the 

 chickens, and we are now in search of something that 

 will eat the cats. Can any of our agricultural friends 

 aid us ? 



DOCTORS' FEES. 



A celebrated physician in London relates the fo] 



ing as an item of his experience : " One stormy nigl 



was awakened from his first nap by the ringing o 



office-bell. He put his head out of the window and r 



the usual inquiry, ' What's wanted ?' ' Och, docther, < 



be quick ! Me old woman, Biddy, is tarin' bad,' answ 



a voice below, with an unmistakable brogue. 'Wh< 



you ?' .said the doctor. ' Shure I'm Dinney Sullivan, 



honor, an' I live in Bow, an' ye must be quick.' 



place indicated being at a considerable distance, the 



tor demurred, and asked him to summon a nearer p 



titioner. Dinney urged, and finally, as an inducerx 



said, '.Docther, dear, if you'll only come, I'll give you 



pounds, kill or cure.' Tempted by the fee, the do 



assented, and after a disagreeable walk found Biddy 



yond human aid. He prescribed for her as well as 



could, and then left, and the next morning heard of 



death. After a time the doctor sent bis bill to Din 



who indignantly repudiated it, and was sued in co 



queuce. When the trial came on, and the doctor st 



his case, Dinney quietly asked the plaintiff if he had ci 



' the old woman ?' He answered in the negative, 



course. 'Then, doctor,' he continued, in a boistei 



tone, 'upon the virtue of your oath, did you hill h 



The doctor was thunderstruck, stammered, and fin 



answered once more in the negative. ' Thin, your hor 



said Dinney, 'the docther didn't keep his contract- 



nather killed nor cured Biddy, and he can't have 



money.' The Court non-suited the plaintiff, and the ( 



tor acknowledged himself sold." 



American Education. — In Timothy Titcomb's i 

 book, " Lessons in Life," we find the following: "W 

 we greatly need in this country is the inculcation of sol 

 er views of life. Boys and girls are bred to disconti 

 Everybody is after a high place, and nearly everyb 

 fails to get one ; and, failing, loses heart, temper, and c 

 tent. The multitude dress beyond their means, and J 

 beyond their necessities, to keep up a show of be 

 what they are not. Farmers' daughters do not love 

 become farmers' wives, and even their fathers and mc 

 ers stimulate their ambition to exchange their station 

 one which stands higher in the world's estimation. Hi 

 ble employments are held in contempt, and humble p< 

 ers are everywhere making high employments contem 

 ible. Our children need to be educated to fill, in Christ 

 humility, the subordinate offices of life which they m 

 occupy, and taught to respect humble callings, and 

 beautify and glorify them by lives of contented and g 

 industry." 



Doublino-up a Judge.— Ottiwell Wood, a witness 

 a case at the assizes, on being sworn, was asked his nan 

 and gave it. The judge, puzzled with the unusual Chr 

 tian name, which probably he had only imperfectly heai 

 requested the witness to repeat it, which was done wi 

 no better success'; and the judge somewhat, testily sai 

 " Have the goodness to spell your name, sir." The w 

 ness responded as follows : "0 double T, I double U, 

 double L, double U, double 0, D." This doubling up 

 the judge completely overcame his lordship, and he ga 

 up all eilbrts to spell the name in sheer despair. 



