THE GENESEE FARMER. 



159 



IRiscdhtittous, 



I idolize the ladies. They are fairies 

 That j-juritualize this world of ours. 

 From heavenly hot-beds, most delightful flowers, 

 Or choice cream-cheeses from celestial dairies. 

 But learning, in its barbarous seminaries, 

 Gives ihe dear creatures many wretched hours, 

 And on their gossamer intellect sternly showers 

 Science, with all its horrid accessories. 

 Now, seriously, the only things I tiiink . 

 In which young ladies should instructed be, 

 Are stocking-mending, love and cookery — 

 Accomplishments that very soon will sink, 

 Since Fluxions now and Sanscrit conversation 

 Always form part of female education. 



[ongtont. — \fonotony is pleasant in itself, morally 

 isant and morally useful. Marriage is monotonous, 



there is much, we trust, to be said in favor of holy 

 ilock. Living in the same house is monotonous; but 

 ;e removes, say the wise, are as bad as a fire. Loco- 

 ion is regarded as an evil by our Litany. The Litany, 

 usual, is right. "Those who travel by sea or land" 



to be objects of our pity and our prayers ; and we do 

 ' them. I delight in that same monotony. It saves 

 iosity, anxiety, excitement, disappointment, and a host 

 )ad passions. It gives a man the blessed, invigorating 

 ing that he is at home : that he has roots deep and 

 ick down into all he has, and that only the Being who 



do nothing cruel or useless can tear them up. It is 

 isant and good to see the same trees year after year — 

 same birds coming back in spring to the same shrubs 

 le same banks covered with the same flowers. That 

 i who offered twenty pounds reward for a lost carpet 



full of old boots was a sage, and I wish I knew him. 

 y should we change one's place more than one's wife, 

 ne's children ? Is a hermit crab, slipping his tail out 

 one strange shell into another, in the hopes of its 

 ng him a little better, either a dignified, safe or grace- 

 animal ? No. George Reddler was a true philos- 



" Let vules go searching var and nigh, 

 We bides at whum, my dog and I." 



-Frazer's Magazint. 



r E are all naturally benevolent when no selfish inter- 

 interposes, and when no advantage is to be given up. 



can all pity distress when it lies complaining at our 

 , and confesses our superiority and happier situation. 



I have seen the sufferer himself become the object of 

 y and ill-will as soon as his fortitude and greatness of 

 d had began to attract attention, and to make the 

 ious person feel the superiority of birth over good 

 une. 



* ^ ! »■ 



iportance op Swallows. — As a proof of the valuable 

 ■ices rendered by swallows, it is estimated that one of 

 ;e birds will devour 900 insects in a day ; and when it 

 onsidered that some insects produce as many as nine 

 erations in a summer, the state of the air but for 

 se birds maybe readily conceived. One kind of insect 

 le might produce 550.970,489,000,000,000 of its race in 

 ngle year. 



^hy are seeds when sown like gate posts? Because 

 y are planted in the earth to prop-a-gate. 



A manufacturer and vender of quack medicines re- 

 cently wrote to a friend for a strong recommendation of 

 his (the manufacturer's) " Balsam." In a few days he 

 received the following, which we call pretty strong: 

 " Dear Sir— The land composing this farm has hitherto 

 been so poor that a Scotchman could not get his living 

 off it, and so stony that we had to slice our potatoes and 

 plant them edgeways; but hearing of your balsam, I put 

 some on the corner of a ten-acre field surrounded by a 

 rail fence, and in the morning I found that the rock had 

 entirely disappeared, a neat stone wall encircled the field, 

 and the rails were split into firewood and piled up sym- 

 metrically in my backyard. I put half an ounce in the 

 middle of a huckleberry swamp — in two days it was 

 cleared oft', planted with corn and pumpkins, and a row 

 of peach trees in full blossom through the middle. As an 

 evidence of its tremendous strength, I would say that it 

 drew a striking likeness of my eldest son out of a mill- 

 pond, drew a blister all over his stomach, drew a load of 

 potatoes four miles to market, and eventually drew a prize 

 of ninety-seven dollars in a lottery." 



A bird-collector died in Paris lately. A trait of sa- 

 gacity on his part was to insure the attendance of the 

 jackdaws of the Louvre to his funeral, which he effected 

 in the following manner: His residence was on the Quai 

 Voltaire, and for the last seven years of his life he always 

 placed on his balcony, exactly at three o'clock in the af- 

 ternoon, several plates of meat cut in small pieces. The 

 jackdaws were most punctual in their attendance. He 

 had, therefore, only to give directions in his will that his 

 funeral should take place at three precisely. The jack- 

 daws came that day as usual — and if he had wished to 

 have real mourners, he certainly succeeded ; for, as their 

 usual meal had not been prepared, they were loud in their 

 lamentations, much to the amazements of all the friends 

 who attended his obsequies. 



In Venango County, Pennsylvania, is a queer fellow 

 by the Mme of Tom Barton, who drinks and stutters, and 

 stutters and drinks. He has a brother Jim, who is glib 

 of tongue, and was a great liar — we hope he has reformed, 

 for he professed to become a good man, and was baptized 

 in the river. It was a bitter cold day in winter, and the 

 ice had to be cut to make a place for the ceremony. Tom 

 was in attendance, and close by. As Jim came up out of 

 the water, Tom said to him : 



" Is it c-c-c-cold, Jim ?" 



" No," replied Jim ; " not at all." 



" D-d-d-dip him again, m-m-minister," cried Tom; "he 

 -1-1-liesyet!" 



The word Timbuctoo, supposed to be rhymeless, was 

 once mated by a London professor of mathematics, who 

 was challenged to find a rhyme for it, in the following: . 



"If I were a eas s aow«ry, 



On the sands of Timbuctoo, 

 I would eat a missionary, 



Skin, and bones, and hymn-book too !" 



"Can you tell me, Billy, how it is that the chanticleer 

 always keeps his feathers so sleek and smooth V "No." 

 Well, I'll tell you. He always carries his comb with 

 him. 



