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THE GENESEE FARMER. 



Wisttl'fanwns. 



& 



A Sailor's Story of a Pig. — A curious animal is a pig 

 gentlemen ! Very cunning, too— a great deal more senl 

 sible than people give him credit for. 



I had a pig aboard my ship that was too knowing by 

 half. All hands were fond of him, and there was not one 

 on board that would have seen him injured. There was a 

 dog on board, too, and the pig and he were capital 

 friends ; they ate out of the same plate, walked about the 

 decks together, and would lie down side by side under 

 the bulwarks in the sun. 



The only thing they ever quarreled about was lodging. 

 The dog, you see, sir, had got a kennel for himself; the 

 pig had nothing of the sort. "We did not think he needed 

 one ; but he had his own notions upon that matter. Why 

 should Toby be better housed of a night than he ? Well, 

 sir, he had somehow got it into his head that possession 

 is nine parts of the law ; and though Toby tried to show 

 him the rights of the question, he was so pigheaded that 

 he either would not or could not understand. So every 

 night it came to be " catch as catch can." If the dog got 

 in first, he would show his teeth, and the other had to lie 

 under the boat, or to find the softest plank where he 

 could ; if the pig was found to be in possession, the dog 

 could not turn him out, but looked out for his revenge 

 next time. 



One evening, gentlemen, it had been blowing hard all 

 day, and I had just ordered close-reefed topsails, for the 

 gale was increasing, and there was a good deal of sea 

 running, and it was coming on to be wet ; in short, I said 

 to myself, as I called down the companion-ladder for the 

 boy to bring up my peajacket, " We are going to have a 

 dirty night." The pig was slipping and tumbling about 

 the decks, for the ship lay over so much with the breeze' 

 being close-hauled, that he could not keep his hoofs. At 

 last, he thought he would go and secure his berth for the 

 night, though it wanted a good bit to dusk. But, lo and 

 behold ! Toby had been of the same mind, and there he 

 was safely housed. " Umph, umph !" says piggy, as he 

 turned and looked up at the black sky to windward; but 

 Toby did not offer to move. At last, the pig seemed to 

 give it up, and took a turn or two, as if he was making 

 up his miud which was the warmest corner. Presently 

 he trudges off to the lee scuppers, where the tin plate 

 was lying that they ate their cold 'tatoes off. Pig takes 

 up the plate in his mouth, and carries it to a part of the 

 deck where the dog could see it, but some way from the 

 keunel ; then, turning his tail towards the dog, he begins 

 to act as if he was eating out of the plate, making it rattle, 

 and munching with, his mouth pretty loud. "What!" 

 thinks Toby, "has piggy got victuals there?" and he 

 pricked up his ears aud looked out towards the place, 

 making a little whining. " Champ, champ !" goes the 

 pig, taking not the least notice of the dog ; and down goes 

 his mouth to the plate again. Toby couldn't stand that 

 any longer ; victuals and he not there ! Out he runs, and 

 comes up in front of the pig, with his mouth watering, 

 and pushes his cold nose into the empty plate. Like a 

 shot, geutlemen, the pig turned tail, aud was snug in the 



kennel before Toby well knew whether there was an 

 meat or not in the plate.— Animal Traits and Characta 

 istics, by the Re.v. J. G. Wood. 



Piety and Profts.— A gentleman who employs a gre« 

 number of hands in a manufactory, in the west of Enjj 

 land, in order to encourage his people in a due attendanc 

 at church on a late fast day, told them that if the 

 went to church they should receive their wages 

 though they had been at work. Upon which a deputi 

 tion was appointed to tell their employer that if he woul 

 pay them for over hours, they would likewise attend th 

 Methodist Chapel in the evening! 



Taking Him Down.— Bulwer tells a good story of 

 young lord who went to Eton, and who was asked hi 

 name by the cock of the school, a big brave fellow, tb 

 son of a retired wine merchant. " I am Lord Dash," sai 

 the boy, vainly, " the son of the Marquess of Blank, 

 "Then," said the other, taking him quietly one side, am 

 giving him a practical lesson, " there are three kicks- 

 one for my lord, and two for the marquess." 



A Farmer's Opinion.— A certain lawyer had his portrai 

 taken in his favorite attitude— standing with his hand ii 

 his pocket. His friends and clients went to see it, anc 

 everybody exclaimed, " Oh, how like ! it's the very pio 

 ture of him ! " An old farmer, however, dissented 

 "Don't you see," said he, "he has got his hand in his 

 own pocket? 'Twould be as like again if he had it ii 

 somebody else's." 



A Scotch Pulpit Joke.— The pulpit of a church ii 

 Scotland being vacant, two candidates offered to preach 

 whose names were Adam and Low. The latter preachec 

 in the morning, and took for his text, "Adam, where arl 

 thou?" He made an excellent discourse. In the after- 

 noon, Mr. Adam preached upon the words, "Lo, here am 

 1!" The impromptu gained the appointment. 



Boarder: "What large chickens these are!" Land- 

 lady : " Yes, chickens are larger now-a-days than they 

 used to he; ten years ago they were nothing like so large." 

 Boarder (innocently) : " No, I suppose not ; they must 

 have grown some in that time." (Landlady looks as 

 though she thought she hadbeeu misunderstood.) 



Nothing teaches patience like a garden. You may go 

 round and watch the opening bud from day to day ; but it 

 takes its own time, and you cannot urge it on faster than 

 it will. If forced, it is only torn to pieces. All the best 

 results of a garden, like those of life, are slowly but regu- 

 larly progressive. 



At Constantinople the Sultau recently presented the 

 Prince of Wales with a magnificent narghileh, which he 

 (the Prince) had smoked. It is gorgeously chased and 

 thickly diamond-studded— its estimated value being near- 

 ly £8,000. 



It was said of the first Lord Lyttleton, the absent-mind, 

 ed, when once he fell into the river, that he sunk twice 

 before he could recollect that he knew how to swim. 



