60 



THE GENESEE FARMER. 



Pdtti.vo Things too fae Apart. — Sambo was a slave 

 to a master vvlio was coiistitutioniiUy addicted to lying. 

 Sambo, boin-^ strongly devoted to his master, had, by 

 dint ol" long practice, made himself an adept in giving 

 j)laiisibility to his master's stories. 



Oue day, when the master was entertaining his guests 

 in his customary manner, he related an incident which 

 took place on one of his hunting excursions. 



"I fired at a buck," said he, "at a hundred yards dis- 

 tance, and the ball passed through his left hind foot and 

 through his head just, back of the ear!" 



This evidently producing some little doubt in the minds 

 of his guests, he called upon Sambo to corroborate him. 



" Yes, massa," said the almost confounded slave, after 

 a moment's hesitation, "me see de ball hit 'im. Jes' as 

 massa lift up de gun to de eye, de old buck lift up him 

 foot to scratch 'im ear, massa's ball went clear frough 

 him heel and head at the same time!" 



The guests were perfectly satisfied with Sambo's ex- 

 planation, and swallowed the whole without hesitation; 

 but when the guests were gone. Sambo ventured so far 

 upon his master's good humor as to remonstrate. 



"For goodness sake, massa, when you tell 'nudder 

 such big lie, don't put 'um so far apart — me hab tarnation 

 hard work to get 'um together !" 



IxsiQxiA OF Office. — The commissioned officers all 

 wear shoulder-straps. These are pieces of cloth, one and 

 three-eighths of an inch wide and four inches long, bor- 

 dered with an embroidery of gold a quarter of an inch 

 wide. The color of the cloth in the shoulder-strap tells 

 to which arm of the service the officer belongs. In the 

 artillery the cloth is scarlet, in the infantry light blue, 

 and in the cavalry yellow. General officers, that is, those 

 above a Colonel in rank, and the stafi" officers of Gene- 

 rals, wear dark blue shoulder-straps. A Second Lieuten- 

 ant, who IS the lowest commissioned officer, has nothing 

 inside of the gold bordering on his shoulder-straps. A 

 First Litatenant has a little gold-embroidered bar just 

 inside of each end of the border of his straps, and par- 

 allel witM the end. A Captain has two such bars in each 

 end; that is, four in each strap. A Major has, instead of 

 gold bars, a gold-embroidered leaf in each end of each 

 strap. A Lieutenant-Colonel has a silver-embroidered leaf 

 in each end of each strap. A Colonel has a silver-embroid- 

 ered eagle in the middle of each strap. A Brigadier- 

 General has a silver embroidered star, with five rays in 

 the place of the eagle. A Major-General has two such 

 stars in each strap. A Lieutenant-General has three 

 stars, the center one being larger than the other two. 



DoroLASS Jebbold is our authority for the following 

 «' Description of a Storm at Sea by a Young Lady :" 

 "The sun went down like a ball of dull fire in the midst 

 of smearing clouds of red currant jam. Every wave was 

 Buddenly as big and high as Primrose Hill. The cords 

 of the ship snapped like bad stay-laces. No best Genoa 

 velvet was ever blacker than the firmament, and not even 

 tLe vo/ccs of the ladies calling for the stewardess were 

 htMU above the orchestral crashing of the elements!" 



A Laugh Native Diamokd. — The art of cutting and 

 polishing diamonds, though of remote antiquity in Asia, 

 has only recently been introduced into thi.i country. It 

 is now practiced here by one house, and only one, we be,- 

 lieve, that of Messrs. Crosby, Huxxewell & Morse, of 

 Boston, and we need no longer send, as heretofore, to 

 Amsterdam or London to have diamonds repaired or re- 

 cut. These dealers have now on exhibition at their store 

 a native diamond which they have cut in the highest style 

 of the art. It is the largest diamond ever found in the 

 United States; perhaps the largest now in the country. 

 The weight of the gem before cutting was nearly twenty- 

 four carats; after cutting it was about one-half its 

 original weight. It was found near New London, in 

 Southern Virginia, in the vicinity of a quarry of elastic- 

 jointed sandstone. No exact value has. been put upon 

 the gem, but it is estimated as worth from $10,000 to 

 $15,000. — Boston Transcrvpt. 



A Drunken Elephant. — Our men seemed to fraternize 

 most with the "Kifles" — at least I judge so from the fol- 

 lowing: Private Blank is brought in much bruised. 

 "Well, Pat, how hare you been hurtV" "Why, a 

 drunken elephant knocked me down and then drenched 

 me with his head." "Ah! that is singular. Are you quite 

 sure that you were not drunk yourself?" " Certain ; but 

 I am sure the elephant was, for the driver, who ought to 

 know, said that the beast had been drinking." Paddy's 

 wit saved him. — Blackwood^ s Magazine. 



A Stanza for Tobacco Smokers. — A Scotch lady, who 

 has more reverence for the inspiration she draws from 

 Helicon than that imparted from Havana, writes in the 

 following style of the patrons of "the weed:" 

 May never lady press his lips his proffered love reliimintt, 

 Who mukes a furnace of his mouth and keeps ils chimney bnm- 



ins; 

 May each true woman shun his sight for fear his fumes might 



choke her ; 

 And none but those who smoke themselves have kijses for a 



smoker. 



Woman's Tears. — What women would do if they could 

 not cry nobody knows. They are treated badly enough as 

 it is ; but if they could not cry when they liked, how they 

 would be put upon. What poor defenseless creatures 

 thev would be! Nature has been very kind to them. 

 Next to a riuoceros, there is nothing in the world armed 

 like a woman. And she knows it. — Jerrold. 



Ludicrous Politeness. — Sir Robert Graham, being ap- 

 prised that he had, by mistake, pronounced sentence of 

 transportation on a criminal who had been found guilty 

 of a capital offense, desired the man to be again placed 

 upon the dock, and hastily putting on the black cap, be 

 said : " Prisoner at the bar, Iheg vour pardon T and then 

 passed on him the awful sentence of death. 



Adroitness.— HoRNE Tooke was the son of a poulterer, 

 which he alluded to when called upon by the proud 

 stripling of Eton to describe himself " I am," said 

 UoRXB, "the sou of an eminent Tvrke;/ merchant." 



A BLixnER, BUT NOT Irish.— A lady told me, says a 

 French writer, that in her will she had ordered her body 

 to be opened after her death, as she was afraid of being 

 buried alive 1 



