176 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



From the Old Colony Memorial. 



THE COOKING STOVE. 

 Did you ever see a cooking stove, Cate ? 

 Why no ; but I've heard much about one, 

 They have grown much in fashion of late, 

 And some think they can't do without one. 



There are others, -who think they are dark 

 And dismal, unsocial and dull : 

 Of the fire you can see not a spark, 

 Though it roars full as loud as a bull. 



And then while youVe a cooking, they say, 

 Such a fogo beclouds all the room, 

 That the girls have to group out the waj', 

 In search of the tongs or the broom. 



There's the odour and stench of the boiler. 

 And the smell of the hot burning fat. 

 And the smoke of the steak on the broiler ; 

 By jingo, I couldn't bear that! 



Beside, who could e'er think of eating 

 A sirloin, a turkey,, or goose, 

 That is baked, like a pumpkin or sweeting, 

 By the heat of this .stinking cambousc ? 



But, hark ye, now Cate, while I mention, 

 'Tis prejudice instigates those. 

 Who decry this most useful invention. 

 Why, it is just like the tah of the crous. 



I tell you, their gabble and prate. 

 Are nothing but bother and blarney. 

 If you doubt what I say, my dear Cate, 

 Enquire of uncle Jo Carney. 



He has had one this twelve month or more ; 

 He says there is surely a saving ; 

 He has tried it a hundred times o'er, 

 And he knows the expense to a shaving. 



The labor of cooking is less ; 



No burning your brains, while you're frying ; 



No shivering children, half drest. 



Crowd under the mantle-tree, crying. 



Of wood too, ah, there is the rub ! 

 You save full one third in the burning. 

 While you're warm as a cat or a cub. 

 In a chilling and freezing cold m»rning. 



This darkness and gloom is a hum, 

 Tor only just open the door. 

 You can see all over the room, 

 To pick up a pin on the floor. 



And as for the smoke of the fat, 

 Of the steak, and the sausage, and tripe ; 

 The fogo and stench, and all that, 

 Why, it passes all off in a pipe. 



The roasting, which some have called baking, 

 The oven is managed so well, 

 The diff'rence, if he were partaking, 

 Epicurus himself could'nt tell. 



Now, Caty, this thing, so derided 



By those who know nonglit of its use. 



Its worth would have proved, had they tried it, 



Nor suffered so wrongful abuse. 



So, here is an end on't, dear honey ; 

 And if you are minded to try one, 

 I'll step out and saddle ourponey. 

 And ride over to Rich's and buy one. 



Charlst McComfort. 



BEAR AND TORBEAR. 



Bear and/orftear, thus preach the soundest sages, 

 And in two words include the sense of pages ; 

 With patience bear life's certain ills — and, O ! 

 Fordeor those pleasures vphich must end iu woe! 



MISCELLANY. 



ANECDOTES. 

 1)1 Erpcditinvs Workman. — A Carpenter being 

 at work near the top of a building, stepped on 

 a board not strong enough to bear his whole 

 weight, fell through the floor and broke his 

 leg. A bje slander pretending to comfort him, 

 said, that tliough he had made a bad job of that 

 business, it must be acknowledged that nobody 

 could ^0 through his work more expeditiously. 



Money in the Bank. — A miser having careful- 

 ly deposited his darling treasure in a bank of 

 earth under a hedge, — in one of his visits to 

 the spot, which contained all his hopes, found 

 his money gone. His lamentations attracted 

 several persons, when a wag, who had more wit 

 than feeling, observed that it " was very sur- 

 prising that the old gentleman should los& his 

 money, as it was put into the Banh.^'' 



The Citizen. — A constant frequenter ef city 

 feasts having grown very corpulent, it was pro- 

 posed to write on his back, " Widened at the ex- 

 pense of the corporation.'''' 



Eulogy on Punning. — A gentleman observed to 

 Mr. Henry Erskine, a great punster, that pun- 

 ning is the lowest sort of wit. " It is so" an- 

 swered he, " and therefore the foundation 

 of all wit." ^^= 



A hint to snuff Takers. — A woman asked a Doc- 

 tor whether taking snufl" was not hurtful to the 

 brains ? " No," said the Doctor, " for he that 

 has any brains will not take snulT." 



ALLITERATION ARTKULLY APPLIED. 



Sale of a Steed. — Will be sold on Saturday, 

 at the sign of the Sportsman, near the South 

 Meeting House in Salisbury, at six o'clock, P. M. 

 the celebrated Steed Swift-Sure. The tbilow 

 ing is the sum and substance of the string of 

 superlatives, which shew his superiority. 



Swift-Sure is strong, staunch, steadv, stout, 

 sound, sate, sinewj', serviceable, strapping, sup- 

 ple, swift, smart, sightly, sprightly, spirited, 

 sturdy, sleek, sure-footed, of sizeable symmetry, 

 shining-sorrel, square-sided, slender-shouldered, 

 sharp-sighted, steps singularly stalely — without 

 strain, spasm, spring-halt, stranguary, sciatica, 

 staggers, scouring, surfeit, swellings, scratches, 

 splint, shuffling, or symptoms of any sort of 

 sickness — not stiff mouthed, shabby coated, sin- 

 ew-shrunk, saddle-gall»d, short-winded or shoul- 

 der-slipped — has neither spleen, sand-crack, 

 staring coat nor shattered hoofs — not shy, skit- 

 tish, slow, sluggish, nor stupid — he never slips, 

 strays, stalks, starts, stops, shakes, snuffles, 

 snorts, stumbles, and scarcely or seldom sweats 

 — has a showy, stylish, switch tail, and a 

 safe, strong set of shoes on — can feed on sain- 

 foin, sheaf-oats, straw or spear grass. He was 

 sold six months since for six hundred and sixty 

 six dollars and sixty six cents to Simon Sly- 

 boots, of Salem, who has been offered seven 

 hundred and seventy seven dollars and seventy 

 seven cents io silver for this superb stud-horse. 

 Simeon Stdmficvau/. 



The Shakers. — Amidst all the singularities 

 the Shakers, they have some rules which 

 would be well for all denominations to ado]_ 

 "It is contrary to order, or the gift, as they catlj 

 (says Professor Silliman, in his Tour,) to leaVl 

 any bars dow.n or gates open, or leave any thint 

 they use out of its proper place ; consequent^, 

 they seldom have any thing lost. It is accordii^ 

 to the gift, or order for all to endeavor ^ 

 keep all things in order; indolence and cal* 

 lessness, they say, are directly apposite to tift 

 gospel and order of God; cleanliness, in evetj 

 respect is strongly enforced : it is contrary b 

 order even to spit on the floor. A dirty, care- 

 less, slovenly or indolent person, they say can- 

 not travel in the way of God, or be religious 

 It is contrary to order to talk loud, to shut doon 

 hard, to rap at a door for admittance, or to 

 make a noise in any respect; even when walk- 

 ing the floor, they must be careful not to make 

 a noise with their feet. They go to bed at S 

 or 10 o'clock and rise ot 4 or 5. Every mao 

 and woman must be employed and work steadi- 

 ly and moderately." Trifling as these rules 

 may appear, their adoption would have a verj 

 important effect upon any household orcoaimn- 



Punishment for reading the word of God in 

 the days of popery. — In the parliament held al 

 Leicester, in A. D. 1415, it was enacted, " Tha; 

 whosoever they were that should read the 

 scriptures in the mother tongue, (which wa* 

 then called Wickliffe's learning) they shoulil 

 forfeit lands, cattle, body, life, and goods, fioni 

 their heirs forever ; and so be condetnucil he- 

 retics to God, enemies to the crown, niid mw 

 errant traitors to the land." Besides this, i! 

 was enacted, " That neither a sanctuary noi 

 privileged ground within the realm shouli 

 hold them, though they were still permitted 

 to thieves and murderers. And, if in case thej 

 would not go over, or were after their pardot 

 relapsed, they should suffer death in tuo mat 

 ner of kinds ; that is they should first be hanf 

 ed, and then be burned for heresy against GoJ. 

 and yet neither of both committed." — Tom 

 lcy''s Illustrations of Biblical Literature. 



la England, Mr. Beckford, aged 65, has late- 

 ly bought the Landsdown Farm, to lay it out in 

 a new manner with forest and fruit trees, &t. 

 .\ man should either in some degree desigoei- 

 ly work for posterity, or be unconscious of bh 

 age. It is pleasant to see an aged farmer 

 planting trees and ordering stone walls — om 

 venerable citizen building granite and iron. I' 

 shews something opposite to selfishness. 



Canal Revenue. — Eleven hundred dollars, not 

 long since, were received for tolls upon tk 

 Canal, in one day, at Albany. 



Knowledge. — Those who know most are mWt 

 anxious to know more ; but those who know but 

 little think they have little need of knowledgf- 

 — Ed. TV. E. Farmer. 



TERMS OF THE FARMER. 



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