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NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



Frovi the National Gasttte. 

 The following; beautiful appeal to the charitable, was 

 written by a gentleman in Montreal, when the 

 distress of the poor in that place called loudly on 

 the charity of the opulent, during the hard winter of 

 1817 and '18. 



WINTER. 

 At this chill time, while stormy winter reigns. 

 And driven snow lies scattered on the plains ; 

 V\hile bitter tcippests howl with furious dread. 

 And search each crevice of the peasant's shed ; 

 At this bleak home the poor are doomed to know 

 The cutting pangs of undeserved woe ; 

 To feel the sorrows that from want arise. 

 While famine waits when craving nature cries. 

 Bereft of means to earn their food each day 

 They pine unknown their humble woes away, 

 Ye sons of fortune, blest with happy lot 

 Go view the misery of the poor man's cot ; 

 See how distress bows down a father's head, 

 While hungry infants call aloud for bread ; 

 See the low mother, sickly and opprest, 

 Weep o'er her child half famish'd at her breast ; 

 Go, view this scene, and teach your hearts to feel 

 The force, the claim of poverty's appeal. 

 O ! charity, sweet nymph of every grace, 

 Extend thy arm to cheer a drooping race, 

 Raise up the wretched from their pining state 

 And yiuld thy aid where want and death await. 



MISCELLANY. 



The following article ridicules with a good deal of hu- 

 mor a propensity of British Legislators to over-act 

 their parts, and make laws relating to triHing sub- 

 jects, which are not required by the wants of soci- 

 ety, and whose only tendency is to promote needless 

 and vexatious law suits. The garment was fashion- 

 ed for the English lawgivers, but if it fits any of our 

 American Legislative bodies nobody can possibly ob- 

 ject to iheW pulling it on. 

 To the Editor of the Morning Chronicle. 



Sir — We have now, thanks to the wisdom of 

 our Legislators, arrived at such a happy pass, 

 that there is scarcely an act of life the due 

 performance of which is not provided for by 

 Act of Parliament. Something, however, still 

 netnains to be done ; and I am assured by my 



Tety good friend, Mr. M , of G ', that 



the following Bills are to pass tlie next Session. 

 1 am, Sir, &c. 



TIMOTHY LOVELWV. 



An Act to oblige Parents (o blow their chil- 

 dren's noses, or to cause them to be blown by 

 Nurse, Cook, Housemaid, Groom, Hel[)er, or 

 other proper and fit Person, three times a day 

 in summer, and nine in winter, under the pen- 

 alty of, &ic. 



^ An Act to prevent Adults from swallowing 

 Cherry stones, and giving Magistrates, siispect"- 

 iiig the same to be practiced, the right of 

 search into private places, Penalties qiutn-siif. 



An Act to prevent Cruelty to Flies, Black 

 Beetles, and Fathers Long Legs, with a Clause 

 provldmg that Moths shall not approach within 

 six inches of any Wax, Mould, Spermaceti, Dip, 

 or other Candle, nor within three inches of any 

 farthing Rushlight. 



An Act for better preserving the health of 

 his Majesty's liege Subjects from the dangers 

 too often allcndiiig exposure to wetting their 

 feet, whereby many have grievously suffered 



coughs, catarrhs, and other maladies, and en- 

 acting that persons found walking in wet, damp, 

 sloppy, greasy, splashy, dirty, mucky weather, 

 with shoes, boots, pumps, or slippers, less than 

 three inches thick in the sole from (he heel 

 piece to the toe, or four inches in the heel, or 

 with shoes with such a thickness as above re 

 cited, but cracked, damaged, burst, worn into 

 holes or otherwise impaired or injured, shall 

 on conviction before a Magistrate or Justice of 

 Peace, be sentenced to the Tread mill for a 

 term not under one month, nor exceeding six, 

 and shall forfeit such shoes to our Lord the 

 King. Persons bare footed, or without shoes, 

 shall be considered as coming imder the terms 

 of the act, but shall be exempted from the for- 

 feiture. 



An Act regulating (he size and weight of 

 penny plum buns, and enacting that not less 

 than six, nor exceeding eight green goo 

 ries shall be put into a penny tart, on the pain 

 of forfeiture, one half to the Lord our King the 

 other half to the informer. Also a clause for 

 better ordering of lollipop. 



An .\ct to oblige persons to blow cool their 

 hasty pudding in the spoon, for the space of fif- 

 teen seconds before eating the same. " For 

 many and divers persons have been grievously 

 burned, scalded, and damaged in their mouths, 

 tongues, gullets, windpipes, and stomachs, by 

 greedily, voraciously, hastily, gluttonously, eat- 

 ing and devouring, bolting and swallowing, hot 

 hasty pudding, &c. &.c. It is therefore hereby 

 enacted, that all grown persons and adults of 

 an estate to hold a spoon, shall blow and puff 

 such hasty pudding in a spoon for a space not 

 under fifteen seconds, under the penalty of, &;c." 



An Act to prevent parents from eating green 

 Peas with two pronged forks. 



" An .\ct to prevent Cruelty to Visitors, pro- 

 hibiting the galloping of Young children ad- 

 mitted after dinner over the small clothes of 

 Visitors, spilling their wine, eating their fruit, 

 fouling their waistcoats, ruining their neck- 

 cloths, kicking their shins, calling them names, 

 bawling, stjuailing, crying, roaring, or singing 

 or spouting at the request of their parents or 

 guardians, te the great detriment of social in- 

 tercourse and scandal of all good livers ; all 

 which things arc hereby declared contrary to 

 law, and punishable under the Siatute herewith 

 framed and enacted, for preventing the spoiling 

 of children. And be it (nrther enacted, that 

 more than 16 children be never and in no case, 

 permitted or suffered to rush into the dining 

 room when the cloth is removed, but that such 

 irruption slinll be a riot, and quelled according 

 to law." Tlie Act goes on to send the ])a- 

 rents to (he house of correction, for aiding and 

 abetting in such tumults, and further relates the 

 size and shape of pap-boats, mid the fashion and 

 figure of corals. 



.\u Act to prevent gluttons from eating worst- 

 ed stock ngs, tallow candles, ten penny nails, 

 and case knives, &.c. &,c. 



.1 .tinguhir Ftmah Character. — Dr.W. Hutton, 

 formerly of Birmingham, Eng. gives the follow- 

 ing account of an English woman. " The great- 

 est wonder I saw in Derbyshire, was Miss J^lie- 

 be Brown, in person obout five feet six, about 

 thirty, well proportioned, round sized and 

 ruddy, a dirk penetrating eye, which the mo- 

 ment it fixes upon your face, stamps your char- 



acter, and that with precision. Her steps, p 

 don me for the Irishism, is more manly thai 

 man's, and can easily cover forty miles a d 

 Her common dress is a man's hat, coat, am 

 spencer over it, and men's shoes. I believe s 

 is a stranger to breeches. She can lift one hi 

 dred weight with each hand, and carry fourte 

 score. Can sow, knit, cook, and spin, but ha 

 them all and every accompaniament of the 

 male character, except that of modesty. A p 

 tleman of the New Bath, recently treated li 

 so rudely that " she had a good mind to ha 

 knocked him down." She positively assur 

 me that she did not know what fear was — s 

 never gives any affront, but will offer to fi{ 

 any man who gives her one — if she hasi 

 fought perhaps it is owing to the insultor's 1 

 ing a coward, for none else would give an 

 front. She has strong sense, an excellent jui 

 ment, says some smart things, and supports 

 easy freedom in all companies. Her voice 

 more than masculine, it is deep toned ; the wi 

 in her favor, she can send it a mile; ha|i 

 beard or prominence of breast ; accepts oft 

 kind of manual labor, as holding the plojf 

 driving the team, thatching the ricks, &c. ; I 

 her chief vocation is horse breaking, at ag 

 nea a week ; always rides without a saddle 

 supposed the best judge of a horse, cow, &{, 

 all the country, and is frequently requestej 

 purchase for others at the neighboring Fili 

 She is fond of Milton, Pope, Shakspeare, al» 

 music ; is self taught ; and performs on se« 

 musical instruiBents. 



" She is an excellent marks-woman., and li 

 her brother sportsmen always carries her{ 

 on her shoulder. She eats no beef or pc 

 and but liKle mutton ; her chief food is mi 

 and also her drink, discarding wine, ale,i 

 spirits." =?!=? 



Effects of extreme cold. — In (he adventure 

 some Russian explorers of high northern tit 

 we find the following curious statement;— 

 was now (says (he narrator) almost impow 

 to fall limber, which was as hard as the 14' 

 et itself, except it was perfectly dry; andiel 

 greatest severity, the hatchets, on strikingt 

 wood, broke like glass. Indeed it was imp* 

 ble to work in (he open air, \vhich compel! 

 us to make many holidays much against oijfl^ 

 clination. Upon coming ou( of a warm 

 it is absolutely necessary to breathe fhr 

 handkerchief; and you findyourself immi 

 ly surrounded by an atmosphere, arisin 

 the breath and the heat of the body, wbii 

 closes you in a mist, and consists of s 

 dules of hoar ice. Breathing causes 

 like a tearing of coarse paper, or the bn 

 of (hin twigs, and the expired breath is ii 

 ately condensed in the fine substance m 

 ed above. The northern Lights are col 

 and very brilliant; they seem close ti 

 and you may sometimes hear litem shoot 

 they assume an amazing diversity of si 

 and the Tungoose consider them to be 

 at variance, fighting in the air." jj 



TKR.ViS of" TIlirFARMERT^^ 

 Ct^ Published every Saturday, at Thkhe DI 

 per annum, payable at the end of the year— 1 

 who pay within sii-ly dai^s from the time of sul 

 will he entitled to a deduction of Fifty Cemi 



(fCp- No paper will be discontinued (unlcsdj 

 discretion of the publisher.) until arrearages 



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