208 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



DEC. 88. ^^i 



MISCELLANEOUS. 



Jl Puzzle. — There \s a story that a ship's crew 

 of 30, ha!f whites and half blacks, wore short of 

 provisions, and it became necessary that half of 

 them should be thrown overboard. It was agreed 

 that they should be placed in a ring on deck, by 

 the captain, and that as he counted round and round, 

 every tenth man should be thrown over, until the 

 crew should be reduced one half. lie so placed 

 them that nil the blacks were taken. What was 

 the order of arrangement .' Can you so place them ? 

 There is a sort of rhyme that used to be our rule 

 for this, which runs thus : 



Two before One, 



Three before P^ive, 



Here two, ihere two, 



Save Four alive ; 



Here one, there one. 



Three thai are cast, 



Now one, twice two, 



Whip Jack at Ust. 



Charaih. — Any one fond of the fun may unriddle 

 this — that is, if they can. Our "P. D." says it's 

 a hard 'un, and he has " given up." 

 My first is over many a city door, 

 Sometimes but one, but always half of four; 

 My second 'a a retir'd ahrt aoliuiry thing. 

 That runs as morn or midnighl bell dolh ring ; 

 BIy third is heard amid the battle's roar — 

 My whole '« a thmg for you lo bother o'er. 



Pretty Good. — Sambo was a slave to a master 

 who was constitutionally addicted to lying'. Sam 

 bo, being strongly devoted to his master, had by 

 dint of long practice, become an adept in giving 

 plausibility to his master's stories. 



One day, when the master was entertaining his 

 guests in his customary manner, among other mar- 

 vellous facts, he related an incident which took 

 place in one of his hunting excursions. 



" I fired at a buck," said he, " at a hundred yards 

 distance, and the ball passed through his loft hind 

 foot, and through his head just back of his ear!" 



This evidently producing some little doubt in 

 the minds of his guests, he called upon Sambo to 

 corroborate him. 



" Yes, massa," says the almost confounded slave, 

 after a moment's hesitation, "me see de ball hit 

 'im. Jas as massa lif up de gun to he eye, de 

 buck lif up his hind foot to 'cratch 'im ear, and 

 massa's hall went clear frongh 'im foot an' head at 



same time." 



The guests were perfectly satisfied with Sambo's 

 explanation, and swallowed the whole without fur- 

 ther hesitation ; but when the guests were gone, 

 Sambo ventured upon his master's good humor so 

 far as to remonstrate with him against his calling 

 upon him (Sambo) to clinch such confounded lies. 



" For conscience sake, massn," said the negro, 

 •'when you tell a nudder such a big lie, don't put 

 'ura so fur apart ; me had plaguy hard work for get 

 urn togedder." — Selected. 



An Illinois Court Scene. — We sometimes get 

 rich jokes from Illinois, and the latest is the fol- 

 lowing. It is a good bit of drollery, quite original, 

 we believe, and we must put it on file among the 

 funny things of the day. 



A constable who had lately been inducted into 

 office, was in attendance on the court, and was or- 

 dered by the Judge to call John Bell and Elizabeth 

 Bell. He immediately begai at the top of his 

 lungs — 



"John Bell and Elizabeth Bell!" 



"One at a time," said the Judge. 



"One at n time — one at a time — one at a 

 TIME," shouted the constable. 



" Now you 've done it," exclaimed the Judge, 

 out of patience. 



" Now you 've done it — now you 're done it — 

 NOW YOU 'vE DONE IT !" yelled the constable. 



There was no standing this; the court, bar and 

 bystanders broke into a hearty laugh, to the perfect 

 surprise and dismay of the astonished constable. — 

 JV. O. Pic. 



Anecdote of Burns. — Than Burns, perhaps, no 

 man moie severely inflicted the castigation of re- 

 proof The following anecdote will illustrate this 

 fact. The conversation one right at the King's 

 Arms Inn, Dumfries, turning on the death of a 

 townsman, whose funeral was to take place on the 

 following day, " By the by," said one of the com- 

 pany, addressing himself to Burns, " I wish you 

 would lend mo your black coat for the occasion, 

 my own being rather out of repair "Having my- 

 self to attend the same funeral," answered Burns, 

 " I cannot spare my sables ; but I can recommend 

 a most excellent substitute: throw your character 

 over your shoulders — that will he the blackest coat 

 you ever wore in your lifetime !" — Selected. 



Candid. — A bill was once before the House of 

 Assembly of Jamaica, for regulating wliarfingers. 

 Mr Paul Phipps, a distinguished member, rose to 

 advocate it. " Mr Speaker," said he, " I very much 

 approve the bill. The wharfingers are a set of 

 knaves. 1 was one myself for ten years." 



■ Strict Construction. — " John," said a gentleman 

 to his servant, " I am going to church, and if it 

 should rain at the time meeting is out, I wish you 

 to bring me an umbrella ; but you need not come 

 unless it rains down straight." The gentleman 

 went: it did rain ; but, according to John's con- 

 struction of his orders, it was not necessary, from 

 the app«arance of the rain, to go with the umbrella. 

 While standing at the door, waiting for the rain to 

 come down straight, he was not a little surprised to 

 see his master approaching the house with drenched 

 garments, and a look of implacable anger. " John ! 

 Jcdin !" said the good man, " why did n't you brin" 

 the umbrella?" "Because, sir," replied John, " it 

 rained slanli7^s:.'" — Selected. 



Hard upon Him. — A gentleman remarkable for 

 having a great deal of lead in his forehead, called 

 one morning on a counsellor, who asked what news 

 was stirring. " Nothing extraordinary," said the 

 other; " my head is confoundedly out of order this 

 morning. '' That is extraordinary news, indeed," 

 says the counsellor. "What! an extraordinary 

 thing for a man to have the headache ?" " No, sir, 

 1 do not say that ; but for so simple a machine to 

 be out of order is extraordinary indeed!" — Selected. 



A tradesman pressing a gentleman very hard for 

 payment of his bill, the latter said, " You need not 

 be in so great a hurry : 1 am not going to run 

 away." '' I do not imagine you are, sir," returned 

 the tradesman, '• but /am." 



" Does Mrs Swipes enjoy good health V " Yes, 

 ma'am — and did you ever know one who did not ?" 



AGRICUL.TURA.I, IIHPI.EMEXTS, &c 



The Proprietors of the New England A£rriculliir;il 

 house and Seed Store No. 61 and 52 Norih MarLti 

 would inform their customers and the pubhc general 

 they have on hand the most extensive assorlnien\ if 

 culluial and Horticultural Tools to be found m the 

 Slates. Part of which are the following : 



MtlCK MANUAL.. 



Forsaleby JOSEPH BRECK& CO., The MucklH 

 ual for Farmers. By Dr S. L. Dana; price $1. 

 Boston, April 13. 



GREKN'S PATENT STRAW CUTTER. ,, 



JOSEPH BRECK & CO. at the New England A8r|( 

 tural Warehouse and Seed Store Nos. 51 and 52 North v 

 ket Street, have for sale, Green's Patent Straw, Ha; it 

 Stalk Cuuer, operating on a mechanical principle not I ^ 

 applied to any implement for this purpose. The most | k 

 inent effecis of this application, and some of the consei It 

 peculiarities of the machine are : !| 



1. So great a reduction of the quantum of power req ^ 

 to use it, that the strength of a talf grown boy is suH 1^ 

 to work it efficiently. 



2. With even this moderate power, it easily cuts two 

 els a minute, which is full twice as fast as has been ch 

 hy any other machine even when worked by horse or i 

 power. 



3. The knives, owing to the peculiar manner in whic) 

 cut, require sharpening less often than those of any 

 straw cutler. 



4. The machine is simple in its construction, made ai 

 together very strongly. It is therefore not so liable i 

 complicated machines in general use to gel out of ore If 



TYK UP CHAINS. 



Just received by 600 Chains for tyeing up Cattle. 



These chains, introduced by E. H. Derby, Esq. of S 

 and Col. Jacques, for the purpose of securing cattle i 

 stall, are found tc be the safest and most convenient 

 of fastening cows and oxen to the stanchion. f. 



For sale by JOSEPH BRECK & CO., No. 52 1 1 

 Market st. 



DRAFT AND TRACE CHAINS. 



400 pair Trace Chains, suitable for Ploughing. 

 200 " "Truck- and leading Chains. 

 2U0 " Draft Chains. For sale hy J. BRECK & 

 No. 62 North Market st. 



LACTOMETERS— a simple instrument for U J 

 the quality of milk. For sale by J. BRECK & C! 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



A WEEKLY PAPER. 



Terms, $2 per year in adtanee, oi$2 50 ifnolU 

 within thirty days. 



p). B. Postmasters are permitted by law to frail 



eiibscriptions and remiltancts for newspapers, wi 't 

 expense to subscribers. 



TUTTLl AND DEHHITT, PKIHTIK*. 



