248 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



FEB. 1, 1813, 



MISCELLANEOUS. 



A GOOD COW. 



The following song, descriptive of the points of a cel- 

 ebrated Durham cow, was chaunlei) amidst great ap- 

 plause at the Darlington Agricultural Society's iiieeling, 

 — English paper. 



She 's long in her face, she 's fine in her horn, 

 She 'II quickly get fat without oil-cake or corn. 



Hurrah ! hurrah for this beautiful cow ! 

 She 's clear in her jaws, and full in her r.liine, 

 She 's heavy in flank, and wide in her loin ; 

 She 's broad in her ribs, and long in her rump, 

 Has a straight and flat back, with never a hump- 

 Hurrah ! hurrah for this beautiful cow ! 



She 's wide in her hips, and calm in her eyes. 

 She's fine in her shoulders, and thin in her thighs. 

 Hurrah ! hurrah for this beautiful cow '. 



She 's light in her neck, and small in her tail, 

 She 's wide in her breast, and i;ood at the pail ; 

 She's fine in her bone, and silky of skin— 

 She "sa grazier's without, and a butcher's within. 

 Huirah ! hurrah fur the beautiful cow ! 



G/ios(s.— Speaking of ghosts, Tom Hood, the 

 humorist, in the New Monthly, says : 



"Ghosts be hanged ! No such things in nature. 

 All laid long ago, before the wood pavement. 

 What should Ihey come for.' The colliers may 

 rise for higher wages, and the chartists may rise 

 for refornC and Joseph Sturge may rise, and the 

 rising generation may rise— but that the dead 

 shnufd rise only to make one's hair rise, is more 

 than I can credit. Suppose yourself a ghost. 

 Well, if you come out of your grave to serve a 

 friend, how are you to help him? And if it's an 

 enemy, what 's the use of appearing to him if you 

 can 't pitch into him?" 



Substance and Shmlow.—A fellow went to the 

 parish priest, and told him that the night before he 

 saw a ghost. "In what shape did it appear ?" in- 

 quired the priest. "It appeared in the shape of a 

 great ass." "Go home, and hold your tongue 

 about it," rejoined the pastor, ''you have been 

 frightened by 3'our own shadow.'" 



LAW. 



An upper and a lower mill 



Fell out about their water : 

 To war they went, that is to law. 



Resolved to give no quarter. 



The heavy costs remaining still. 



Were settled without pother — 

 One lawyer took the upper mill, 



The lower mill the other. 



Evidence of Greatness.— The Washington cor- 

 respondent of the New York Aurora, (Michael 

 Walsh, by name,) says in one of his letters — 



"Half the well-dressed humbugs who come here 

 from other places, expect to see the leading men of 

 Congress sit like so many statues, and to hear them 

 speak like so many departed patriot spirits, warn- 

 ing the nation from the deep recesses of a tomb ; 

 but when they see the master-minds of the capitol 

 sit laugh, joke and quiz each other, like other men, 

 they are entirely disappointed. Now all this, to 

 me, is the strongest evidence of greatness. I 

 know what it is to be great, gloomy, playful and 

 philosophical myself! Ves, and all in the space 

 of an hour sometimes. Bui then all the rest of 

 the world are not philosophers. The fact of the 

 business is, tlie greatest men are only great in their 

 happy moments. If a man was continually bril- 

 liant, he'd set fire to himself — and if his thoughts 

 were continually expanding, his head would burst." 

 The Washington correspondent of tiie Albany 

 Advertiser, gives a pretty good anecdote of Walsh, 

 the author of the above. Dining recently with the 

 occupant of the White House, in the course of con- 

 versation the President remarked to him that his 

 (W.'s) party seemed to have "repudiated" him, and 

 asked the cause. '' They bring a specific charge 

 against me, sir, that I can't get over," replied 

 Walsh. " What's that ?" inquired the President. 

 "They charge me with keeping low company T^ 



Gentility. — "I'd have you to know, Mrs. Stoker, 

 that my uncle was a bannister of the law !" "A 

 ficr for your bannister," cried Mrs. Scraggs, turning 

 up her nose, and putting her arms akimbo, " havn't 

 I a cousin as is a corridor in the navy ?" 



Psalm Singing.— In olden times, when it was a 

 custom in many parts of New England to sing the 

 psalms and hymns at church by " deaconing" them, 

 as it was called, that was, by the deacon's reading 

 each line previous to its being sung, one of these 

 church dignitaries rose, and after looking at his 

 book some time, and making several attempts to 

 spell the words, apologized for the difficulty he ex- 

 perienced in reading, by observing, 



" My eyes indeed are very blir.d.'' 

 The choir, who had been impatiently wailing for 

 a whole line, thinking this to be the first of a com- 

 mon metre hymn, immediately sang it. The good 

 deacon exclaimed with emphasis, 

 " I cannot see at all." 

 This, of course, they also sung, when the aston- 

 ished pillar of the church cried out, 



" I really b'lieve you are bewitched I" 

 Response by the choir: "I really b'leive you are 

 bewitched." — Deacon : 



" The deuce is in you all I" 

 The choir finished the verse by echoing the last 

 line, and the deacon sal down in despair. — The 

 Humorist. 



GRBEN'S PATENT STRAW CUTTEK. 



TOSPPH BRECK & CO. at the New England Agricu). 

 tufanV^'^^houfe and Seed Store Nos. 5, and52^on^^^^^^^^^ 

 ket Street have for sale, Green's Patent Straw, Hay ami 

 S alk Cuuer, operating on a "echanica pniu-iple no b ( 

 annlied to any implement for tins purpose. Tic most prom- 

 menlelrectsof this application, and some of the consequent 

 peculiarities of the machine are : 



1 So -reat a reduction of the quantum ol power requisite 

 to use H.^that the strength of a hall grown hoy is suffice,* 

 to work it efficiently. 



2. With even this moderate power it easilycmslwobush- 

 els a minute, which is full twice as fast as has I'-^^^'s ^;^ 

 by any other machine even when worked by horse or steam 

 power. . , ■ , , 



•! The knives owing to the peculiar manner m which tli>y 

 cutrTqtnre shaipeniifg less o'fien than those of any other 

 straw cutter. 



4. The machine is simple in its construction, inade and put 

 together very strongly. It is therefore not so hable as lh« 

 Xlicated^machine'sm general use to get out of order 



AGRICULTURAI- IMPIiEMENTS, &c 



The Proprietors of the New England Agricultural Ware- 

 house and Seed Store No. 61 and 52 North Market, streel. 

 would intlrm their customers and the public generally tha, 

 thev have on hand the most extensive assortment ot A ^ri- 

 cuUuial and Horticultural Tools to be found m the United 

 States. Part of which are the lollowin~ - 



1000 Howard's Patent Cast 



Iron Ploughs. 

 300 Common do. do. 

 200 Cultivators. 

 100 Greene's Straw Cutters. 

 SOlWiUis' do. do. 

 too Common do. do. 

 100 Willis' Patent Corn 



Shellcrs. 

 50 Common do do. 

 2v)0 Willis' Seed Sowers. 

 60 " Vegetable Cutters 

 50 Common do. do. 



200 Hand Corn Mills. 

 200 Grain Cradles. 

 100 Ox Yokes. 

 1500 Doz. Scythe Stones. 

 3000 " Austin's Rifles. 

 March 17. 



100 doz.°Cast SteS Shovels. 

 Common do. 

 Spades. 

 Grass Scythes- 

 Patent Snailhs. 

 Common do. 

 Hay Rakes. 

 Garden do. 

 Manure Forks. 

 Hay do. 



500 Pair Trace Chains. 



100 " Truck do. 



too Draft do. 



500 Tie up do. 



60 doz. Halter do. 

 1000 yards Fence do. 

 25 Grind Stones on rollers- 



Speaking of a heavy wind, Prof H. remarked, 

 that it was literally a mathematical wind, as it had 

 extracted several roots. 



The trite joke of nine tailors making a man, is 

 said to have originated from the following anec- 

 dote : Avery worthy tailor having failed, nine of 



his neighbors, of the same trade, subscribed to set 

 him up again, and thus made a man of him. 



JVew Jl'ay to Pay Old Debts. — A fire happening 

 at a public house, a man present entreated one of 

 the firemen to play the engine upon a particular 

 door. The firemen complied — upon which the arch 

 rogue, oft'ering his friend a shilling, exclaimed, 

 "Thank you, sir : you 'vo done what I never could 

 do ; for, egad, you 've ii^ui'd-ated my score !" 



Legal Advice. — " Sir," said a barber to an attor- 

 ney who was pa.ssing his door, " will you tell me 

 if this is a good dollar." The lawyer, pronounc- 

 ing the piece good, deposited it in his pocket, add- 

 ing with great gravity, " If you'll send your lad to 

 my office, I'll return the fifty cents."' 



PENCE CHAINS. 



Just received from Ensl«"d, 10,000 feet Chains smtable 

 for Fences or other purposes, tor sale by J. BRECK * 

 CO., No. 52 North Market st. April ll 



TVe I'P CHAINS. 



Just received by 600 Chains for tyeing up Cattle. 



These chains, introduced by E. H- Debbv, Esq. o Salc^ 

 and Col. JAcauES, for the purpose of securing cattle to the 

 stall, are found to be the safest and most convenient mode 

 of fastening cows and oxen to the stanchion. 



For sale by JOSEPH BRECK & CO., No. 52 Norlki 

 Markel.sl. 



Honest. — A dentist advertises that he " will 

 spare no pains in his operations, to please patrons. 



DRAFT AND TRACE CHAINS. 



400 pair Trace Chains, suitable for Ploughing. 

 200 " Truck and leading Chains „„„„k. & cq 

 200 " Draft Chains. For sale by J. BRECK & CO., 

 No. 52 North Market si. 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



A WEEKLY PAPER. 



Terms, $2 per year in advance, oi$2 50 if not paid 

 within thirty days. r i ii 



N B —Postmasters are permitted by law to frank ill 

 subscriptums and remittances for newspapers, withou4 

 expense to subscribers. 



TUTTI-r AND DENN«TT. PRIKTBM. 



