280 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



MAItCH 1, ISi! 



MISCELLANEOUS 



HOPE. 



BY SCHILLER. 



We speak with the lip, and we dream in the soul, 



Of some better and fairer day ; 

 And oiir days, the meanwhile, to that golden goal 



Are gliding and sliding away. 

 Now llie world becomes old, now again it is young — 

 But " The Better" 's forever ihe word on the tongue. 



At the threshold of life Hope leads ua in — 



Hope plays round the mirthful boy ; 

 Though the best of its ch.irms may with youth begin, 



Yet fur age it reserves its toy. 

 When we sink at the grave, why, the grave has scope, 

 And over the coffin, man planleth — Hope 1 



And it is not a dream of a fancy proud, 



With a fool for its dull begetter ; 

 There 's a voice at the heart that proclaims aloud, 



" Ye were born to possess The Belter !" 

 And that voice of the heart, O ye may believe, 

 Will never the hope of the soul deceive ! 



The Dead Alive. — Some hypocondriacs have fan- 

 cied themselves miserably afflicted in one way, and 

 some in another : some have insisted that they 

 were tea-pots, and some that they were townclock.s ; 

 one that he was extremely ill', and another that he 

 was actually dying. Hut perhaps none of this un- 

 fortunate class ever matched in the ullraism of 

 their whims, a patient of the late Dr. Stevenson, of 

 Baltimore. 



This hypochondriac, after ringing the change of 

 every mad conceit that ever tormented a crazy 

 brain, would have it, at last, that he was dead — 

 actually dead. Dr. Stevenson having been sent 

 for one morning in great haste, by the wife of his 

 patient, he hastened to the house, and found him 

 stretched out at full length in bed, his hands across 

 his breast, his eyes and mouth closely shut, and his 

 looks cadaverous. 



"Well, sir, how do you do? — how do you do, 

 this morning ?" asked Dr. Stevenson, in a jocular 

 way. "How do I do !" replied the hypochondriac, 

 faintly: " a pretty question to ask a dead man." 

 " Dead !" replied the doctor. " Yes, sir, dead — 

 quite dead. I died last night about twelve o'clock." 

 Dr. Stevenson, putting his hand gently on the 

 forehead of the hypochondriac, as if to ascertain 

 whether it was cold, and also feeling his pulse, e,x- 

 claimed in a doleful tone, " Yes, the poor man is 

 dead enough — 't is all over with him, and now the 

 sooner he can bo buried the better." Then step- 

 ping up to his wife, and whispering to her not to 

 be frightened at the measures he was about to 

 take, he says aloud to the servant, " My boy, your 

 poor master is dead, and the sooner he can be put 



in the ground the better. Run to C m's, for I 



know he always keeps ready made coffins by him ; 

 and, do you hear, bring a coffin of the largest size, 

 for your master makes a stout corpse, and having 

 died last night, and the weather being warm, he 

 will not keep long." 



Away went the servant, and soon returned with 

 a proper coffin. The wife and family having got 

 their lesson from the doctor, gathered round him, 

 and howled not a little, while they were putting 

 the body in the coffin. Presently, the pall-bear- 

 ers, who were quickly provided, and let into the 

 secret, started with the hypochondriac for the 



church-yard. They had not gone far before they 

 were met by one of the town's people, who having 

 been properly drilled by Stevenson, cried out, " Ah, 

 doctor, what poor soul have you got there ?" 



"Poor Mr G ," sighed the doctor, "left us 



last night." 



" Great pity he had not left us twenty years ago," 

 replied the other ; '' ho was a bad man." 



Presently another of the townsmen met them 

 with the same question, " And what poor soul have 

 you got there, doctor ?" 



"Poor Mr B ," answered the doctor. 



" Ah I indeed," said the other; "and so he is 

 gone to meet his deserts at last." 



"Oh you villain!" exclaimed the man in the 

 coffin. 



Soon after this, while the pall-bearers were rest- 

 ing themselves near the church-yard, another man 

 stepped up with the old question again, "What 

 poor soul have you got there, doctor?" 



"Poor Mr B ," he replied, " is gone." 



"Yes, and to the bottomless pit," said the other; 

 " for if he has not gone there, I see not what use 

 there is for such a place." 



Here the dead man, bursting off the lid of the 

 coffin, which had been purposely left loose, leaped 

 out, exclaiming, " Oh you villain I I am gone to 

 the bottomless pit, am 1 ? Well, 1 am come back 

 again to pay such ungrateful rascals as you are." 



A chase was immediately commenced, by the 

 •dead man after the living, to the great amusement 

 of the witnesses of the laughable spectacle. Af- 

 ter having excercised himself into a copious perspi- 

 ration, by the fantastic race, the hypochondriac 

 was brought home by Dr. Stevenson, freed from 

 all his complaints; and by strengthening food, 

 cheerful company, and moderate exercise, was soon 

 restored to perfect health Humorist's Own Book. 



Three Horses and One Husband. — A reverend 

 minister of the kirk of Scotland, sympathized deep- 

 ly with one of his parishioners, who, in the course 

 of a few weeks, was reduced to poverty by the 

 death of three horses ; and, to add to the trial, her 

 husband took ill and died. The minister wrote a 

 petition for her, soliciting contributions for her re- 

 lief, as follows : — " The bearer, widow , has 



met with a severe loss by the death of three horses 

 and one husband, making in all four, since May ; 

 and on that account I would recommend her to 

 your support." — Selected. 



Jl Dirty Witness A German witness in the 



course of a strict cross examination on a trial dur- 

 ing the Oxford Circuit, was asked to state the e.t- 

 act age of the defendant. " Dirty," (thirty) was 

 the reply. " And pray, sir, are you his senior, and 

 by how many years ?" " Why, sir, I am dirty -two.''' 



iN'atiiral Lamp. — The Pittsburg Chronicle says 

 that in Cincinnati they light the streets by getting 

 fire to pigs' tails, and then giving the animals the 

 freedom of the city. When this natural lamp is 

 burnt out, the pigs are found to be first rate ba- 

 con. — N'antucket Inq. 



A person bragging of the many places he had 

 visited, one of the company asked him if he had 

 ever been in Linkunjpoop. He, taking it for the 

 name of a city, said, " We saw it at a distance, 

 i but as we went post, we could not visit it." 



GUEEN'S PATENT STRAW CUTTER, 



JOSEPH BRECK & CO. at the New England Aqru 

 tural Warehouse and Seed Store Nos. 51 and 52 North M 

 kel Street, have for sale, Green's Patent Straw, Hay 

 Stalk Cutter, operating on a mechanical principle not bel 

 applied toasy implement for this purpose. The mostprt 

 iuent effects of this application, and some of the consequ 

 peculiarities of the machine are : 



1 . So great a reduction of the quantum of power requi; 

 to use it, that the strength of a half grown boy is suiSci 

 to work it efficiently. 



2. With even this moderate power, iteasilycutstwobu 

 els a minute, which is full twice as fast as has been daii 

 by any other machine even when worked by horse or sti 

 power. 



3. The knives, owing to the peculiar manner in which t 

 cut, require sharpening less often than those of any o^ 

 straw cutter. 



4. The machine is simple in its construction, made and 

 together very strongly. It is therefore not so liable as 

 complicated machines in general use to get out of orde 



AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS, &c. 



The Proprietors of the New England Agricultural W 

 house and Seed Store No. 51 and 52 NorUi Marliel sti 

 would inform their customers and the public generally 

 they have on hand the most extensive assortment of A 

 cultuial and Horticultural Tools to he found in the Uu 

 States. Part of which are the following : 



PENCE CHAINS. 



Just received from England, 10,000 feet Chains, sui 

 for Fences or other purposes. For sale by J. BREC 

 CO., No. 62 North Market St. Apri 



TYE UP CHAINS. 



Just received by 60,0 Chains for tyeing up Cattle. 



These chains, introduced by E. H. Derby, Esq. of Si 

 and Col. Jacobs, for the purpose of securing cattle I 

 stall, are found te be the safest and most convenient 

 of fastening cows and oxen to the stanchion. 



For sale by JOSEPH BRECK & CO., No, 62 I 

 Market st. 



DRAFT AND TRACE CHAINS, 



400 pair Trace Chains, suitable for Ploughing. 

 200 " Truck and leading Chains. 

 200 " Draft Chains. For sale Ly J. BRECK & 

 No. 52 North Market st. 



iS'EW ENGLAND FARMER. 



A WEEKLY PAPER. 



Terms, $2 per year sn advance, oi$2 50 if no' 

 within thirty days. 



N. B. — Postmasters are permitted by law to fra; 

 subscriptions and remittances for newspapers, wi 

 expense to subscribers. 



TUTTLE AND DENNETT. PKIKTERS. 



