376 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER 



MISCELLANEOUS 



A Paaaage in the Life of a Dninknrd. — The 

 following quizzical story was tuld at a tempcriince 

 mectinjj in Hartford, a Xevi days ago, by a reform- 

 ed toper. It oper.s rich, and as the man has be- 

 come sober, one may now laiijih over its absurdi- 

 ties with double relish. He said : 



' I used to drink, and my wife used to jaw nie 

 about it. What do you get drunk for? said she: 

 what do you jaw me for ? said \. So we agreed, 

 and made a bargain that I would not drink and 

 she would not scold. For three long days we held 

 on firm — no drinking, no scolding ; but on tlie 

 third evening, being in company with some good 

 fellows, I took a horn, and when that was down, I 

 right off wanted another, and in a very short time I 

 found myself about three shiels in the iciiid, find the 

 other shivering. (Liuigliter.) By and by it got to 

 be time to go home ; but, as you may well sup- 

 pose, I dreaded to meet my wife, like the tooth-ache. 

 (Laughter.) However, go I must ; and so I stag- 

 eered along, lioping to find my wife abed. (Laugh- 

 ter.) When I reached the house, I found it still 

 lighted, and through the window I saw my wife up 

 and waiting for me. (Laughter.) Thinks I, I can 't 

 go in yet, but I must wait till siia goes to bed ; so 

 there 1 stood half freezing in the cold rain two 

 hours. (Loud laughter.) At last she went to bod, 

 and I crept in at tho back door, stumbling over 

 pails and chairs, but finally succeeded in gutting 

 to bed without disturbing her, (laughter;) but alter 

 dozing awhile, I awoke and found myself as dry as 

 a fish, (laughter;) you know, brethren, how dry we 

 all used to be in the night, after we 'd had a spree. 

 (Laughter.) My wife always knew what was the 

 matter with nie, when I got up in the night to drink 

 cold water. I hardly dared to get up, for fear of 

 my wife ; but my thirst was greater than I could 

 bear ; so out I crawled, and groped very softly 

 after the w:iter pail — but no water was there ; I 

 then felt round in tho dark, on the tables and shelves 

 for something to cool my burning thirst ; soon I 

 found a tin pan full of liquid something; I seized 

 and put it to my mouth, and took a long and hearty 

 draught — the liquid at the same time running out 

 at each side of ujy niouih, down my cheeks. I 

 thought tho liquor ta.sted odd, i^nd at that instant it 

 flashed on my recollection that I had fixed some 

 poison a few days before to kill rate with. (Laugh- 

 ter.) Horror-struck, I stood, my hair standing on 

 and : it was death to scream out, for my wife would 

 jaw me if she waked — (laughter) — and surely it 

 would be death to hold still : but scream I must, 

 and scream I did. (Riotous laughter.) " Wife I 

 uyife! Hannah! Halloa here! What was in 

 that pan ?" said [. " You are dry, are you ?" said 

 she. " What wus in this pan .-" shouted I, still 

 louder. " What makes you dry ?" screamed she. 

 " H'hal icas in this pan f yelled I, in perfect agimy 

 offenr. "What pan?" "Why, the pan on the 

 ehelf." "Oh, you brute! you have drank up ail 

 my starch.'" (Tremendou.s laughter.) Tho next 

 morning my shirt collar was pasted fast to my neck 

 and cheeks, and it took half an hour to clear it otT.' 

 Mr Urown sat down amid the chccra of the 

 whole audience. 



"Father, is'nt that man in wjiat la called tlic 

 ••pring time' of life.'" 

 " Why, Fred ?" 

 " Because he looks confounded green." 



Frogs The Springfield Gazette records a cu- 

 rious fact illustrative of the migratory habits of 

 frogs. A portion of the large lot in Springfield, 

 now appropriated for a cemetery, lia.^, on account 

 of the low marshy land, been inhabited by a great 

 number of frogs, which have been not a little dis- 

 turbed by the recent impmven-.ents effected by 

 draining and C(dlccting the waters in running 

 streams and fountains. About sunset on Friday 

 evening last, large companies, numbering thou- 

 sands iif these frogs, were discovered making their 

 way up the high grounds which surround these 

 lowlands, and taking up their line of march in a 

 norlheasterly direction towards Goose pond, about 

 a mile distant ! A gentleman who witnessed it, 

 says that the process of evacaation continued until 

 10 or 11 o'clock, and during this time the adjacent 

 ground was literally covered with frogs, all moving 

 in the same direction. 



ji touch of the high Jtoum. — A student in one of 

 our colleges, on bis way home during vacation, 

 stopped for the night at a tavern in the country. 

 Upon alighting from his gig, he gave the following 

 very clear and plain order to the ostler : " Boy, ex- 

 tricate that quadruped from the vehicle, stahulate 

 him, donate him an adequate supply of nutritious 

 aliment, satiate his thirst with the usual element, 

 and when the .Aurora of morn sh.iU again illumine 

 the oriental horizon, I will award you a pecuniary 

 compensation for your auiialile hospitality." — Se- 

 lected. 



MAT 'ii. 184 8. 11 r 



i 



GRKKS'S FAIKST BTnAAV Cf TTER. 



JOSFPH BRECK &• CO. at the New England A^i 

 lurul Warehouse and Seed Store N(is. 61 aiKl62Norlh. 

 kcl Slreel have for sale, Green's Patent Straw, Hav 

 Slalk Cutler, operating on a mechanical prmiiple not bi 

 ai.ulie.1 to aHV implement lor liiis purpose, rhc nio.si prt 

 inerileffecis of this application, and some of the conscqo 

 peculiarities of the machine arc: 



1 So "real a reduction of the quantum of power renuul 

 to use {l.^hat ihc sirenglh of a half grown boy is sutiici* 

 to work it efficiently. • ■, , . 



2 With even tliis moderate power, iteasilyculsiwclio* 

 els a minuie, which is full twice as tasi as has been cUiim* 

 fiy any other machine even when worked by borso or sv 



3 The knives owing to the peculiar manner in which 

 cul. require sharpening less often than those of any ' 



raw cutler. , . . , . 



4 Ttie machine is simple mils construction, made and 

 locclher very strongly, ll is Ihetelore not so liable M, 

 complicated machines in general use to gel out ol ordw 



A Match for Crockett. — One day last week, a 

 man, whose name we have not ascertained with 

 precision, but are told it was Cotton, was hunting 

 pheasants in the neighborhood of Worromontogus 

 Pond, in tho east part of Halhiwell, when he heard 

 a great outcry from his dog. Going quickly in 

 that direction, he saw that his dog had been seized 

 by a bear, but had got loose and was running to- 

 wards him, the bear being in pursuit. His gun 

 was only loaded with shot, and before he could put 

 a bullet in it, the bear was close upon him. The 

 animal rose up before him, and was attempting to 

 give him a not very fraternal hug, when the dog 

 seized her behind. As she turned to strike a blow 

 at the dog with her paw, the man struck her with 

 his gun with all his strength ; a second blow broke 

 his gun, when the bear rushed upon him again. 

 He seized the animal by one ear, and held her ofi' 

 at arm's length with liis left hand. In the scutlle, 

 they all came down together, the man uppermost, 

 and still holding on. By good hick his right hand 

 happened to fall upon a stone as large as ho could 

 conveniently grasp ; with this he struck the bear 

 with all his strength upon the head ond nose, (a 

 very vulnerable part in a bear,) and while he held 

 his grasp with his left hand, he actually beat the 

 bear to death with the other. 'i'ho skin of the 

 anin.al was shown in our cflice, the marks of the 

 bruises made by the stone are to be seen on tho 

 skin, which is nearly cut through in several places 

 about the head. 



The ferocity of this bear is accounted for by tho 

 fact that she had cubs, which have since been seen. 

 The man is large and athletic, and somewhat ad- 

 vanced in years. Will some one who knows him, 

 send us his name ? — Augusta Mc. Jour. 



"I see a villain in your eye," said a constable to 

 n suspected rnguc. " Do n't use my face for a mir- 

 ror," replied Smith. 



LACTOMETERS--a simple instrument for lesiia; 

 the quality of milk. For sale by J. BRECK & CO. 



DRAFT AND TRACE CHAINS. 



400 pair Trace Chains, suitable for Ploughing. 

 200 " "Truck nnd leading Chains. 

 200 " Draft Chains. For sale by J. BRECK Attl 

 No. S2 North Market st. 



TYF, VP CHAINS. 



Just received by 6iio Cliuins for lyeing up Cattle. 



These chains, inlroduced by E. H. Dehbv, Esq. of Salt* 

 and Col. Jacques, for ihe purpose of securing cnlile lo tki 

 stall, are found tc he the safest and most convenient aoi' 

 of fastening cows and oxen to the stanchion. 



SITUATION -WANTED 



AS GARDNER— by one that has served a regular if 

 prpnticeship in Europe, nnd has had seven years' fJi'iieoa 

 in this country. The best of reference given. A^ll siJ 

 D. at this office. Mar. Ii 9. 



SON DIALS. 



Just received a few of Sheldon & Moore's, Sun Pi«lt.i 

 very nent and useful arliile for tiie purpose ofgivini.' lie In" 

 of day in the cardcn orfield. Price ;i centi. Kir vil. I? 

 J. BRECK 4- CO., No &l and 62 North Market Si. 



!5.-|.t I. 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



A WEKILT PAPFR. 



Terms, $2 per year in advance, ot$2 50 ifnoipa^ 

 within thirty days. 



N. B. — PostmnBtora arc permitted by law to frmk il 

 subscriptions mid rcniittancsa for ntwapaperi, wilhoii 

 expense to subscribers. 



TDTTI.B .4SD DENNETT, PKIHTCai. 



