400 



NEW E N {} LAND FA 11 .VI E U , 



JIJKE. 13 It43. 



MISCELLANEOUS. 



MOUSTACHES. 

 " W'liat'g them are lliin<;a growing out on your 

 upper lip, Mister?" asked a countrjj Vankte of a 

 coxcomb whom he met tlie other day. 



"S:ir!" exclaimed the dandy, firecely rnising 

 his rnttan, ond bristling iip tu the interrogator, 

 "what business is tlmt to yon, sar ?" 



"Oh, no business of any consequence to i=pcak 

 on," replied the Vankee — " I jest asked for infor- 

 mation, not being much acquainted with them are 

 tliinge." 



"Well, sar !" returned the gallant, angrily, 

 " what if you aint acquiinted with 'em ? Must a 

 fellow of your clotli have the impudence to ques- 

 tion a gentlemen of mine ?" 



"Is thai raally your cloth. Mister, or is it the 

 tailor's ?" asked the coiintryinon. 



"The tailor's!" exclaimed the coxcomb, fiercely 

 — " "hat do you mean by that.' Do you mean to 



iniinuato that I — 'S death ! sar, I 'II not 



" Well, I thought as nrncli,'! returned tlie Yan- 

 kee, carele.fsly sticking his hands in his breeches 

 pockets, and slanding stiff before the dandy — " [ 

 lliought you nee'r intend to pay for them." 



" What's that to you whether I pay for them or 

 not .-' Jlav n't I a right to do as I ploase with my 

 own tailor — to pay him or let him alone?" 



" Why, Mister, that depends very much on 

 what sort of a bargain you make. If your tailor 

 agrees to let you cheat him, why, that's his look out, 

 not mine. IJut you havn't told me what you chII 

 them are things on your upper li))." 

 " Sar, you 're an impudent puppy, sar." 

 " So I heard you say. Now father he 's got a 

 tarryer dog — but he do n't tarry much, I can tell 

 you — he'll kill three rata in two seconds — but, as 

 I was saying, father, he '.-( got a tarryer dog, that 'a 

 consider'ble rough and hairy about the mouth — but 

 liord I he aint a circumstance to you. He'd cling 

 his tail between his legs if he was to see you, and 

 cry ti-i ! li-i ! and run to the ccnd of the world 

 without ever stopping. My gracious ! how con- 

 founded unhunian you look with them are things.'' 

 "Look! why, sar, they are all the go now. 

 There's no fmi.shed gentleman now but what wears 

 moustaches." 



" Mustyches, do you call 'em ? Well, by ho- 

 kcy ! they are musty and ruity too. They look 

 very much like the latter cend of our dog's tail 

 where lie brushes it on the floor. I'augh ! I 

 would n't touch 'cm no more than — " 



"T»uch 'em ! sar, if you ofi'er to put a finger on 

 Ihem, i 'II cane you within an inch of your life — 

 I will, sar." 



" What, with that are switch, Mister ? I should n't 

 mind it no more than 1 should an oat straw. 

 Touch your mistychcs I Wl\y I 'd as lievs touch 

 two old chaws of tobacco, that have just been spit 

 out. Touch 'cm I Why, Mister, I would n't touch 

 'em with the longs. I can't conceive, for my life, 

 what should induce any human critler to wear iich 

 tarnal nasty looking things as them." 



" Nasty lookin; ! do you call 'em? Sar, you 

 have no taste. Nasty looking, indeed I Why sar, 

 they are the admiration of nil the ladies." 



"Ladies? hn, ha, Im ! [>adies ! They must 

 have a queer notion, any how. Hut there are soi.ie 

 women who ore unaccountably fond of puppies, and 

 sich like nniinalu ; and I 've seen 'cm fondle ami 

 kiss 'em as if they were human critters. But Lord I 



I do n't ite how .luy woman can let her lips come 

 witliin gunshot of yourn. Admiration of the la- 

 dfes 1" 



" Do you question what I nay, i«ar r" 



"Why, Mister, I do n't know what kind of ladies 

 you havi- in the city here. Dut one thing I can 

 tell you — our country gals would n't no more let 

 you touch 'em ih.in they would a toad : they are 

 very pertic'lar about what conies in contact with 

 their lips. Dut, Mister, how in the name of hair 

 and bniBtles do you go to work to get the victuals 

 into your inouth, with thein are things hanging 

 over it, like a hedge fence over the side of a ditch ? 

 Do you eat meat and sich like, or do you live on 

 spoon victuals ?" 



"It's none of your business, sar, what I live on. 

 I board at seven dollars a week ; and I cut what I 

 ploasp, 8:ir, and I drink what I please." 



" Seven dollars a week I my gracious ! wo get 

 board and washing, End all, in the country for a 

 dollar and a half. But I '.spose they charge five 

 and a half extra for them n'lustyches. i'augh ! I 

 would n't have them at the table for ten dollars." 



" What a fool J am to stand hrre talking with a 

 fellow of your cloth." Thus saying, the man with 

 the mousfjches flourished his dandy switch, wheeled 

 about and walked on. lie had gone but a few 

 steps "hen the Y.inkec bawled out after him — 



" IIullo Mister ! Do n't you want a currycomb ? 

 I 've got some raal fine ones with teeth on both 

 aides. They're bang-up, I can tell you." 



The thing of moustaches quickened liis pace, 

 to find Some more kindred spirit than Jonathan for 

 company. — SiUded. 



.Mothers anil Dnvghterg. — It was a judicious reso- 

 lution of a father, as well m a most pleasing com- 

 pliment to his wife, when, on being a.^ked by a 

 friend what he intended to do with his girls, he re- 

 plied, " I intend to apprentice them all to their 

 excellent mother, that they may learn the art of im- 

 proving lime, and to be fitted to become, like her, 

 wives, mothers, heads of families, and useful mem- 

 bers of society." Equally just, but bitterly painful, 

 was the remark of the unhappy husband of a vain, 

 thoughtless, dressy slattern : " It is hard to say it, 

 but if my girls are to have a chance of growing 

 up good for any thing, they must be sent out of the 

 way of their mother's example." — Sdtcted. 



Raising the Sea. — A ship having sprung aleak, 

 an Irish sailor was employed at a pump, but first 

 looked over the rail to sec how high the water was 

 f)n the side of thc'vcssel. After pumping an hour, 

 he again took a peep over the side, and (inding the 

 vessel was four inches deeper than when he began, 

 ho exclaimed, " Arrah now capt'n, dear, an' the 

 water must be near out sure, for I have raised it 

 outeida four inches already." — Selected. 



Jlppreuliccs. — "Oh, you're a 'prentice !" said a 

 little boy tauntingly to his companion the other 

 day. The other looked proudly round, and while 

 the fire of injured pride aud the look of pity were 

 strangely blended in his countenance, coolly an- 

 Kwercd, " So was Franklin!" — Selected. 



A Inconmlive moving without intermission M the 

 ralo of ".iO miles per hour, would be ."i-12 years in 

 traversing the distance between our earth and the 

 sun. 



GR,:EX'.S PATKST STRAW CtTTER. 



JOSKPH CRKCK do Ct). ai IheNcw Enslaiul At^nci 

 tuial Warehouse ami Seed Store Niis. .11 anil Si iNonhMl' 

 kel Street, have lor sole, Green's Patent Strjw, Hay i 

 Stalk Culler, operating on a mechanical principle nol lioj 

 applieil louHV iinplemeiil lorihis purpose. Tlie niO!>l pn 

 inenl oiTicls urUiis uppliealirjii, and some of the COD& 

 pctuliarilics of Ihe inacliiiie are : 



1 . So great a reiloclioii of ihe quantum ol power rei 

 to me it. that ihe sirtiiglh of a half grown boy is sud 

 to work it elficiently. 



2. With even this mntleralc power, iteasilyculstvoll 

 els a niiiiuie, which is full twice as lasi us tuis lieen cl^ 

 liy any oiher machine even wheu worked by liorce or si 

 power. 



3. The knives, owing to the peculiar manner in which 

 CHI, require sharpening less often than lh»!>t ol any i 

 slrHw cutler. 



4. Tlie machine i« simple in its construction, made an 

 loi^eilior very stronjily. It is Ihcrefore nol so liahie a 

 coiTiplicalcd iiiachiiics in general use to gel out ofoidd 



LACTO.METERS~a simple imtirunipnt for i.sijw 

 the quality of milk. For sale by J.BUECKAliI, 



DRAFT AND TRACE CIIAIKS. 



•(no pair Trace Chains, suitahle for riou;hiii8. 

 200 " Truck and leailiii; Chains. 

 200 " Draft Chains. Kor sale hv J. BRECK & 'XI, 

 No. 62 Norlh Market st. 



TTE rp CHAIKS. 



Just received by DOO Chains for tyeiiig up i 'aiilr 

 These clKiins. inlroducL-,! jiy E. l\. Df.kbv, t".s<j. .1 ^ ■ 'n 

 and Col. Jacqces, lor ihc purpose fif seeuriuR tnlil. 'k 

 slall.are louiid Ir he the safest and most convenieia iiiui 

 of fastening cows and oxen lo ihc stanchion. 



DAHLIA AND BKAK POLES. 



BOO dozen Dahlia and neon Poles; also, 500 Spriirc I'lLj 

 12 lo 3u Iccl III l.-iistli for sale by iMOSliS l•■Kk:^Cll H. 

 Maine wharf, near the hoiioni of Summer st. 



June I, 1^12. 3w i 



SUN DIALS. 



Just received a few of Sheldon & Mo-re's, Sun I' i'' 

 very nenl and useful arlicle for llie purpose olgiviiis; ll,r i;i 

 of day in ihe inrden or field. Price rj ceiils. Kors..ici 

 J. IJKECK ^ CO., No SI and 62 Norih Market Si. 



Scpl 1, 



N K W F, N (J L A N D F A It M K R . 1 



A WEKKLT PAFKR. | 



Terms, $2 per year in advance, or$2 50 ifnm ptil 

 within iliirly days. 



N. U. — Postninslors are permitted by law lo frnr k «t 

 tiibscriptii'ns niid rcinitlancGS for nswspapors, »i l""J 

 expense to gnbtirribers. 



TWTTM! AUD DEHHETT, FBIKTRHS. 



