1898 



GLEANINGS IN BEE CULTURE. 



687 



A few days after our campaign I met Mr. 

 Brodbeck, and related to him our experience; 

 and I asked, "Mr. Brodbeck, do you suppose 

 Mr. Dayton left that building on account of 

 the presence of a Britisher? " 



"What' an American run for a Britisher? 

 no, never ; Mr. Dayton is not that sort of 

 American; but, ha, ha! I know just what was 

 the matter. Why, Mr. Rambler, anybody 

 who knows you would run when he sees you 

 coming. I don't blame Dayton a bit. Why ! 

 if I did not have my terrors always on hand to 

 defend me I'd run too ; ha, ha ! get away, 

 Rambler; get away. Here, Juno; here. Spot!" 



"Well, now, see here, Brodbeck; you are 

 rather rough on a fellow when it is a fact that 



I do my share of the running ; and as to the 

 Britisher, I would rather run with him than 

 to run from him; but in another field of action 

 I had a close call, and not long ago, and I tell 

 you I did get away lively. See those two 

 gray hairs in my mustache as the result ? 

 You remember that tall A. D. D. Wood, who 

 was out here from Michigan not long ago ? ' ' 



"Oh, yes! that fellow who was going to 

 breed queens on the Island of Catilina." 



"Yes, that's the chap; you see he and I 

 were talking about Michigan, and he was 

 regretting how he had left his wife and chil- 

 dren in Lansing. I helped him regret a little, 

 and then, says I, 'Any man who will leave a 



family away V^ack east, and come out to Cali- 

 fornia, doesn't think much of them.' Of 

 course, I just meant it as a joke. I knew he 

 thought just as much of his family as you do 

 of those pug terrors of yours — ha, ha! never 

 mind, Brodbeck ; never mind ; let the dogs 

 rest — but Wood did not take it kindly, and he 

 put up a job on me. 



"You see, he had a friend here he called 

 Cap. Wood and Cap were great cronies. 

 Wood owed Cap 75 cents; and as I went with- 

 in a block of Cap's residence when I went to- 

 my lodgings he requested me to hand the 

 change to him, which I agreed to do. Now, 

 Wood knew that Cap was not at home, and he 

 knew that Cap's wife is as deaf as a post, and 

 never a word did he say to me 

 about it. I waltzed right up to 

 Cap's door, with the innocence that 

 every one has when doing a good 

 deed. While waiting for an answer 

 to the bell I noticed a sign on the 

 door giving information that a face- 

 mixer lived there; that is, if there 

 are wrinkles on your face, nose too 

 large, ears prominent, lips thick, 

 all can be remodeled upon beautiful 

 lines. My bell-call was answered 

 by an amazonian woman who led 

 the way silently into the ante-room. 

 ' ' Said I, ' Is Cap Grinkle in ? ' 

 ' ' But she kept right along across 

 the room to a dressing-case and 

 took up what I at first thought a 

 blacksnake whip; but when she put 

 one end of it into her ear, and held 

 the other up to me, and laconically 

 said, 'Talk,' I took the hint that it 

 was a new-fangled ear-trumpet, and 

 began to talk about the business in 

 hand at long range ; but she said, 

 'Don't understand; come nearer.' 

 The instrument was an awful short 

 aflfair ; and, with the great drops of 

 sweat rolling down my pallid cheeks, 

 I edged up a little nearer ; but, as 

 inexorable as fate, she said, ' Near- 

 er, nearer,' until my mouth was 

 fairly in the instrument, and my 

 nose within an inch of her nose. 

 She eyed my face so critically I 

 expected she might claim me for her 

 long-lost brother, and joyfully throw 

 her arms around my neck; and, 

 Brodbeck, if she had I would have 

 certainly fainted away ; but with a trembling 

 voice I went for the business in hand. Said I, 

 ' I was sent around here to see Mr. Grinkle. ' 



" 'Why, yes, we can take up wrinkles,' 

 said she, joyfully ; and, suddenly dropping 

 her end of the instrument, ' I ob.=erve you 

 have some prominent ones on your face ; just 

 cut out a little here,' said she, putting her 

 finger on my face; ' pull the cuticle back, and 

 the wrinkle disappears, and you look 20 years 

 younger. Ha, ha ! ' She evidently thought I 

 was going to laugh too; but I didn't ; 'then 

 your ears might be improved the same way; 

 and I think your nose would be greatly im- 

 proved by taking out that lump — he, he ! ' I 



