The Best Fourteen-Hander in England. 207 



ordering all the witnesses out of court, with as much solemnity as if 

 I was going to be tried for my life, the clerk read the complaint 

 against me, and *'old Bung," in a severe tone, asked me what I 

 had to say to it. I merely observed that it would, perhaps, save a 

 great deal of trouble and valuable time if I pleaded guilty to all the 

 charges laid against me, except that of intoxication and hay'ingwilfully 

 endangered the life of any one. It was altogether an accident on 

 my part, and if they would call my old friend or his stable-lad, the 

 matter could be cleared up at once. After a little consultation they 

 agreed. But this did not suit the old nabob, who was very 

 fond of hearing himself speak ; and he rose directly to address 

 a few words to the chairman, who, of course, motioned him 

 to proceed, amidst a dead silence in court. He had just 

 begun, " If your worship will only allow me to say a few 

 words in reference to the — the — the prisoner at the lar " — 

 when he was suddenly brought up by a voice in the crowd calling 

 out, "'Hold hard, old Mullagatawny! we don't want any drum-head 

 court martials here." The court was convulsed with laughter j 

 the very policemen were obliged to turn their faces away , the 

 clerk pretended to be searching for something among his papers j 

 and the magistrates on the bench could hardly keep their gravity. 

 As for the old major, he grew purple with rage 3 he could only 

 stammer out the question as to ''• whether an officer in her 

 Majesty's service was to be so grossly insulted?" when he sat 

 down in his chair, and was seized with such a fit of coughing that 

 we were all fearful he would break a blood-vessel. What he was 

 about to say with reference to the " prisoner at the bar," was thus, 

 unfortunately, lost to the public, for he never put his spoke in the 

 wheel again. The chairman was dreadfully enraged, declared he 

 would clear the court at once, and, if only the policeman would 

 place the offender before him, he would make an example of him. 

 I guessed pretty well who was the offender. My old friend's 

 evidence quite satisfied the bencb that I was not to blame in this 

 affair, and I was *' discharged with a caution j" much to the chagrin 

 of the editor of the Bee, who had already prepared a very pretty 



