DIPPING CHARLES LA3IB. 135 



tlo anything else," was the prompt introduction -"This reminds me of 

 and witty reply of Elia, which has 

 become a favourite byword at the 

 present day. 



The regular routine of clerkly 

 business ill suited the literary tastes 

 and the wayward though innocent 

 habits of our essayist. Once at the 

 India House, one in authority said 

 to him : "I have remarked, Mr. 

 Lamb, that you come very late in 

 the morning." "Yes, sir," replied 

 the wit, "but I go away early in 

 the afternoon." The oddness of the 

 excuse silenced the reprover, "\vlio 



turned away with a smile. 

 A retired cheesemonger. 



who 



hated any allusion to the business 

 that had enriched him, once re- 

 marked to Charles Lamb, in the 

 course of a discussion on the poor- 

 law, " You must bear in mind, sir, 

 that I have got rid of all that stuff 

 v/hich you poets call the 'milk of 

 human kindness.'" Lamb looked 

 at him steadily, and gave his ac- 

 quiescence in these words: "Yes, 



some verses I wrote when I was 

 very young." He then, to the as- 

 tonishment of the gentleman in 

 question, quoted something from 

 the volume. 



Lamb tried this a second time : 

 the gentleman looked still more 

 surprised, and seemed evidently 

 bursting with suppressed indigna- 

 tion. At last, as a climax to the 

 fun, Lamb coolly quoted the well- 

 known opening h'nes of Paradise 

 Lost as written by himself. 



This was too much for the verse- 

 monger. He immediately rose to 

 his legs, and with an impressive so- 

 lemnity of manner thus addressed 

 the claimant to so many poetical 

 honours : " Sir, I have tamely sub- 

 mitted all this evening to hear you 

 claim the merit that may belong to 

 any little poems of my own ; this I 

 have borne in silence ; but, sir, I 

 never will sit quietly by and see 

 the immortal Milton, robbed of 

 Paradise Lost" 



DIPPING CHAIILES LAMB. 



fir, I am aware of it ; you turned 

 it all into cheese several years ago." 



"Coleridge," says De Quincey, 

 " told me of a ludicrous embarrass- 

 Lamb was once invited by an old ment which Lamb's stammering 

 friend to meet an author, who had caused him at Hastings. Lamb 

 } lublished a volume of poems, had been medically advised to a 

 When he arrived, being somewhat j course of sea-bathing ; and accord- 

 early, he wa's asked by his host to j iugly, at the door of his bathing- 



look over the volume of the expected 

 visitor. A few minutes convinced 

 Elia that it possessed very little 

 merit, being a feeble echo of differ- 

 ent authors. 



This opinion of the poetaster was 

 fully confirmed by the appearance 

 of the gentleman himself, whose 

 self-conceit, and confidence in his 

 own book, were so manifest as to 

 awaken in Lamb that spirit of mis- 

 chievous wng:?ry so characteristic 

 of the humorist. Lamb's rapid ;i nd 

 tenacious memory enabled him dur- 

 ing the dinner to quote fluently se- 

 m the pretender's 

 volume. These he gave with this 



machine, whilst he stood shivering 

 with cold, two stout fellows laid 

 hold of him, one at each shoulder, 

 like hei-aldic supporters ; they wait- 

 ed for the word of command from 

 their principal, who began the fol- 

 lowing oration to them : " Hear me, 

 men ! Take notice of this ; I am to 



be dipped " 



What more he would have said 

 is unknown to land or sea bathing 

 machines ; for, having reached the 

 word dipped, he commenced such a 



rolling fire of di 

 when at length 



di di di, that 

 ho descended a 



plomb upon the full word dipped, 

 the two men, rather tired of the 



