230 



TABLE-TALK AND VARIETIES. 



INVITATION TO DINNER BT MOORE. 



The following was one of the 

 latest productions of the poet Moore, 

 addressed to the Marquis of Lans- 

 downe. It is full of those felici- 

 tous turns of expression in which 

 the English Anacreon excels. It 

 breathes the very spirit of classic 

 festivity : 



"Some think we bards have nothing 



real 



That poets live among the stars, so 

 Their very dinners are ideal, 

 (And heaven knows, too oft they are 



so:) 



For instance, that we have, instead 

 Of vulgar chops and stews, and 



hashes, 

 First course, a phoenix at the head, 



Done in its own celestial ashes : 

 ' At foot, a cygnet, which kept singing 

 All the time its neck was wringing. 

 Side dishes, thus, Minerva's owl, 



Or any such like learned fowl. 

 Doves, such as heaven's poulterer gets 

 When Cupidshoots his mother's pets. 

 Larks stew'd in morning's roseate 



breath, 



Or roasted by a sunbeam's splendour; 



And nightingales, be-rhy mod to death 



Like young pigs whipp'd to make 



them tender. 

 Such fare may suit those bards who're 



able 



To banquet at Duke Humphrey's table; 

 But as for me, who've long'been taught 

 To eat and drink like other people, 

 And can put up with mutton, bought 

 Where Bromham rears its ancient 



steeple; 



If Lansdowne will consent to share 

 My humble feast, though rude the fare, 

 Yet, seasoned by that salt he brings 

 From Attica's salinest springs, 

 'Twill turn to dainties ; while the cup, 

 Beneatli his influence brightening up, 

 Like thnt of Baucis, touched by Jove, 

 Will sparkle fit for gods above ! " 



John Locke, having been intro- 

 duced by Lord Shaftesbury to the 

 Duke of Buckingham and Lord 

 Halifax ; these three noblemen, in- 

 stead of conversing with the philo- 

 sopher, as might naturally have 

 been expected, on literary subjects, 

 in a very short time sat down to 



cards. Mr. Locke, after looking on 

 for some time, pulled out his pocket- 

 book, and began to write with great 

 attention. One of the company 

 observing this, took the liberty of 

 asking him what he was writing. 



" My lord," says Locke, '' I am 

 endeavouring, as far as possible, to 

 profit by my present situation : for 

 having waited with impatience for 

 the honour of being in company 

 with the greatest geniuses of the 

 age, I thought I could do nothing 

 better than to write down your 

 conversation ; and, indeed, I have 

 set down the substance of what you 

 have said for this hour or two." 



This well-timed ridicule had its 

 desired effect ; and these noblemen, 

 fully sensible of its force, imme- 

 diately quitted their play, and en- 

 tered into a conversation more 

 rational, and better suited to the 

 dignity of their characters. 



STAMMERING WIT. 



Stammering (says Coleridge), is 

 sometimes the cause of a pun. 

 Some one was mentioning in Lamb's ' 

 presence the cold-heartedness of the 

 Duke of Cumberland, in restraining 

 the duchess from rushing up to the 

 embrace of her son, whom she had 

 not seen for a considerable time, 

 and insisting on her receiving him 

 in state. " How horribly cold it 

 was," said the narrator. "Yes," 

 said Lamb, in his stuttering way ; 

 " but you know he is the Duke of 

 Cu-cum-ber-land" 



MEDICINAL ANECDOTE. 



A gentleman of narrow circum- 

 stances, whose health was on the 

 decline, finding that an ingenious 

 physician occasionally dropped into 

 a coffee-house that he frequented, 

 not very remote from Lincoln's-Inn, 

 always placed himself vis-^-vis the 

 doctor, in the same box, and made 

 many indirect efforts to withdraw 

 the doctor's attention from the 

 newspaper to examine the index of 



