TUB ENGLISH WIFE ON SATURDAY EVENING. 



297 



spot, a poor toad was found in this ! wrong, for on returning home, and 



hole, which the magpie was stoning 

 for his amusement. (Thompson's 

 Passions of Animals.) 



BURNET. 



Bishop Burnet's absence of mind 

 is well known. Dining with the 

 Duchess of Maryborough, after her 

 husband's disgrace, he compared 

 this great general to Belisarius. 

 "But," said the Duchess, eagerly, 

 " how came it that such a man was 

 so miserable, and universally de- 

 serted ?" " O, madam," exclaimed 

 the distrait prelate, " lie had such 

 a brimstone of a wife !" 



CASTLE OF OTRANTO. 



Lady Craven has just brought 

 me from Italy a most acceptable 

 present, a drawing of the castle of 

 Otranto. Here it is. It is odd that 

 that back- window corresponds with 

 the description in my romance. 

 When I wrote it, I did not even 

 know that there was a castle at 

 Otranto. I wanted a name of some 

 place in the south of Italy, and 

 Otranto struck me in the map. 



I wrote the Castle of Otranto in 

 eight days, or rather eight nights ; 

 for my general hours of composition 

 are from ten o'clock at night till 

 two in the morning, when I am 

 sure not to be disturbed by visi- 

 tants. While I am writing I take 

 several cups of coffee. (Walpole.) 



PROVING AN ALIBI. 



A clergyman at Cambridge 

 preached a sermon which one of 

 his auditors commended. " Yes," 

 said the gentleman to whom it was 

 mentioned, ''it was a good sermon, 

 but he stole it." This was told to 

 the preacher. He resented it, and 

 allied on the gentleman to retract 

 what he had said. " I am not," 

 replied the aggressor, " very apt to 

 retract my words, but in this in- 

 stance I will. I said you had 

 stolen the sermon. I find I was 



referring to the book whence I 

 thought it was taken, I found it 

 there." 



FRENCH AND ENGLISH. 



A Frenchman, wishingto speak of 

 the cream of the English poets, 

 forgot the word, and said, " de but- 

 ter of poets." A wag said that he 

 had fairly churned up the English 

 language. 



We often laugh at our neigh- 

 bours' mistakes; they might have 

 smiled at our own, had they over- 

 heard a passenger in one of our 

 steam-packets, who wished to in- 

 form a French lady on board that 

 her " berth was ready," make thc- 

 communication as follows: " Ma- 

 dame, volre NAISSANCE est arrangce." 



THE ENGLISH WIFE ON SATURDAY 

 EVENING. 



And to see in every humble homo 

 the preparation for to-morrow! 

 What a mopping and scrubbing t 

 What a magnificent polishing of 

 candlesticks and saucepan-lids ; the- 

 latter to be arranged in effective- 

 devices on the kitchen walls ! AVhat 

 a dusting, and rubbing, and bees'- 

 waxing of incongruous furniture 

 beaufets and bedsteads, chairs with 

 cane seats, rush seats, horse-hair 

 seats, and no seats at all ; and all to 

 be arrayed against the walls with 

 amathematical precision which only 

 a rash man would dare disturb. 

 Above all, to what brilliance are 

 stove, and fender, and the poker 

 wrought! It is here the good 

 thoughtful English wife lingers! 

 est. " The fire-place " is her shrine 

 and altar; she returns to it, brush 

 in hand, again and again ; she bring* 

 forth all sorts of ornamental iiic'k- 

 nackeries, shells, flowers, real and 

 artificial, and all sorts of decorative 

 crockery, to embellish it ; and when 

 it is done, and she is convinced of 

 that fact by repeated observation 

 at a distance, the rest of her house- 



