90 



♦ KNOWLEDGE ♦ 



[February 1, 1887 



roof, from which you can watch the meteoric display 

 to-night." 



" I didn't come here to see meteoric displays at night," I 

 replied, rather coldly. " If you've got a room where I can 

 sleep comfortably you can give my share of the meteoric 

 display to the other guests." 



" Step this way," said the bell-boy, and he led the way 

 to the fifth storey. " This is a daudy-room," he observed. 

 " You will have a boss view of the big bear to-night." 



" Will you tell me about what time I can get a boss view 

 of a big dinner ^ " I asked. 



" Dinner is ready now, sir. Will you have your 

 instruments brought up to the room t " 



" What instruments 1 " 



" Your telescopes and things f " said the boy. 



" I haven't got any telescopes," said I warmly. " Do you 

 take me for a sea captain ? " 



" No, sir ; but nearly all the gentlemen as stops here has 

 telescopes." 



" Well, I haveia't. I've got nothing but a clean under- 

 shirt, two collars, a paii' of socks, and some writing-paper. 

 Lead the way to the banquet hall." 



Being seated by a distinguished-looking darkey, I picked 

 up the bill of fare. The menu was a remarkable one, and, 

 as I am expected to go into the details, I give it in full. 

 This is what I had to select my dinner from : 



Menu. 



Arcturus Hotel, Monday, August 18. 



Souj>s. 



Lunar Shadow, Solastic, Scorpio. 



Fisli. 



Cetus, with Molecular Sauce ; Sign of the Crab, with 



Zodiacal Gravy. 



Meats, 



Aries on Toast, Capricornus Sliced, Lepus Roasted, Taurus Steak. 



Game. 



Aquila on the Wing, Cervus Pie, Cygnus Stew, Lepus Fried. 



Vei/etables. 



Potatoes Boasted il la Juno, Cabbage Orion, Onions 



Nebular, Cucumbers Comestic. 



Drinks. 



Milky Way, Tycho Tea, Corona Borealis Coffee. 



Dessert. 



Centrifugal Doughnuts, Periodic Pie, Ecliptic Pudding. 



The food isn't as bad as it appears to be in the above bill 

 of fare, and as soon as I had satisfied my appetite I ventured 

 out on the street. The first man I met was Frank Posegate, 

 manager of the St. Joseph Steam Printing Company. [ 

 asked him what he thought of the political situation, and he 

 said : 



" That isn't the question we are interested in here at 

 present. You see, I am president of the Dug Hill Ecliptic 

 Society, and we are collecting money to build an observatory. 

 That is Dug Hill — that high bluff you see rising above the 

 river to the left. We want to place an observatory on that 

 hill that will equal the Lick Observatory in California. If 

 we succeed in raising the money the discoveries we expect 

 to make will dazzle the world." 



" What discoveries do you expect to make, by the way ? " 

 I asked. 



" We expect to discover, for instance," said Mr. Posegate, 

 " that the planets do not follow regular paths between the 

 stars, and that one of these days a large planet will plunge 

 into the orbit of some of the stars and smash them all to 

 pieces. The result, in such an event, would be disastrous 

 to many heavenly bodies, and the flying particles of busted 

 stars would be apt to work great injury to our growing 

 crops. What we want is to establish a signal oftice on Dug 

 Hill, so that the moment the planet strikes in among the 

 stars we can give warning to the agricultural classes. Say, 



do you believe that our planetary system has not been 

 sensibly diminished by the incessant emission which has 

 gone on during the period of man's history 1 " 



" No, I cannot say that I do," replied the Globe- Democrat 

 reporter. 



"Then read my book," said Mr. Posegate, "my book on 



' Atmospheric Friction.' Read it and you will be convinced." 



" Are you taking much interest in the origin of solar 



heat in St. Louis 1 " asked Mr. R. L. McDonald, one of the 



leading dry goods merchants, of your reporter. 



" Yes, indeed," I replied ; " we are probably taking moi'e 

 interest in solar heat just at present than in any other kind 

 of heat, it being rather early to think of base burners, 

 furnaces, or radiators." 



" You misunderstand me," he said. " I alluded to the 

 origin of solar heat — to the meteoric theory, so to speak. 

 I have just written a small pamphlet of 300 pages on the 

 subject. If you are not in a huriy I will read it to you." 



I said I was in a desperate hurry, as I wanted to catch a 

 train. 



" Well," said he, catching me by the coat collar, " you 

 understand that a pound weight which has fallen 772 feet 

 will create a unit of heat. We know that a body falling 

 that distance will acquire a velocity of about 223 feet a 

 second. Now, I propose to sink a shaft 772 feet deep in 

 this city, into which pound weights shall be continually 

 dropped, with an apparatus for bringing them to the surface 

 again. I expect to create an intense body of heat thereby ; 

 and when I have demonstrated the feasibility of my scheme 

 I will organise a company to lay pipes from this shaft 

 throughout the city, and we will be able to furnish heat at 

 the rate of 10 cents per 1,000 feet to residences and business 

 houses, entirely doing away with the necessity of stoves for 

 cooking or heating purposes." 



I went into a gentlemen's furnishing store to purchase a 

 cheap necktie. When I had selected the article I wanted 

 the clerk said : 



" I don't agree with the leading article in the Gazette of 

 this morning, which says that afiinity, cohesion, and gravita- 

 tion are the forces which are constantly tending to convert 

 potential into actual energy." 



" The devil you don't," said I, trying to make a bow-knot 

 with both ends the same length in the tie I had just paid 

 for ; " then, what do you believe, if it is a fan- question t " 



" I believe that actual energy can be converted from the 

 potential by the application of heat." 



" I have seen," said I, for I felt bored, " potential con- 

 verted into actual energy by the application of a boot." 



The clerk wasn't crushed. He simply replied, " Yes ; but 

 that is what we call mechanical energy — the boot being, let 



us say, projected at an angle of forty-five deg " 



But I fled. 



I went into a saloon to get a glass of ginger ale, and, as 

 I stirred the sugar at the bottom, the barkeeper said : 



" I have been thinking all morning that the vibration of 

 a free pendulum in a vacuum can be explained only on the 

 suppo.sition that a moving body always tends to move in a 

 straight line, and with an unvarying velocity." 



" I quite agree with you," said I, " let me illu.strate." I 

 took my drink and made a bee line for the door. 



There is not a solitary spot in this town where a man can 

 go to escape from them — yes, there is just one place in all 

 St. Joseph where astronomy and its attendant evils are not 

 discussed. That is at Professor Proctor's home. The weary 

 stranger, driven to the verge of madness, will find an asylum 

 of rest and repose in the house of the Professor's family, 

 and there only. Only two men have attempted to talk 

 astronomy to the eminent scientist since his arrival here. 

 One of them was found in the Professor's well a few weeks 



