240 OCCASIONAL HAPPY THOUGHTS. 



ejectment." The word "assault " catches Mr. Sharply's ear, 

 and, with considerable asperity, he says, "Well, where is 

 he ? " 



" He ? " says the Solicitor, astonished. 



" Yes," repeats the Magistrate, " where is he— the com- 

 plainant? Now, my dear Sir, do make haste ! " 



The Solicitor explains that the complainant is a " she." 



"Well," says the irascible Mr. Sharply, in a tone that 

 means anything but " well "— " Where is she ? Do get on." 

 And here he looks at his watch. 



]Mrs. Somebody is thereupon called, and comes into the 

 Avitness-box. She is rather vague, to commence with, on the 

 s-ibject of her name, but having succeeded in making the 

 Clerk understand it (Mr. Sharply, to expedite matters, posi- 

 tively invents a name, which the complainant repudiates), 

 she waits to be asked a question. 



The Sohcitor comm.ences— " You were, I believe, in " 



" Now," interrupts Mr. Sharply, " Do let her tell her own 

 story ! We must get on." 



This, however, turns out to be about the worst way of 

 " getting on " that could have been hit upon, as the com- 

 plainant's story is chiefly about what Somebody else said 

 (which the Magistrate won't hear), and what she told Some- 

 body else to tell a third person not present (which the 

 Magistrate won't receive as evidence). 



" I really can't listen to this," says Mr. Sharply, frowning 

 at the Solicitor, as much as to say " You ought to know 

 better." Then, to the Policeman, "' Call the next case." 



The unfortunate complainant leaves the box, and dis- 



