SEVENTH EMPTYING 141 



t 



his conscience up to the pork, if the landlady would but cut 

 him " just von leetle bit off de outside." So she did, and he 

 sat down to feed. But as he raised the first mouthful to his 

 lips there was a flash of lightning and an instant peal of 

 thunder that shook the building to its very foundations. 

 " Fader Abraham ! " said he, dropping his knife and fork, 

 and rising instinctively to go, " vot a jolly row about a bit o" 

 pork." 



* * 



" John," said a friend to the plaintiff in a County Court 

 case as they left the Court, the verdict having been in 

 favour of the plaintiff with costs, " that is the most astound- 

 ing decision I ever heard ; you had no case whatever, and 

 even your own witnesses told against you. How was it 

 managed?" "Well," said the winner, "to tell you the 

 truth, I sent the judge a ^"5 note." " W-h-a-t," said his 

 friend, " do you mean to say he is open to take a petty 

 bribe ? " " Ah ! you mistake," was the answer, " I sent it 

 with the defendant's compliments." 



They were burying a deacon out in America who had 

 been a big gun in his time, and they gave him a great funeral 

 when he went off. There were six horses to the hearse, and 

 there was a brass band, and a whole town full of disconsolate 

 mourners. The solemn procession was slowly wending its 

 sad way to the grave-side, the band discoursing an appro- 

 priately doleful dirge, the mourners being thoroughly dejected 

 and miserable, when suddenly the man with the trombone 

 played just one note, so tremendous, so awful, that a general 

 stampede instantly took place ; the horses took fright and 

 bolted with the hero of the occasion ; the crowd of mourners 

 followed after, and even his fellow-bandsmen retreated to a 

 safe distance, leaving the gentleman with the trombone in 

 undisputed possession of the cemetery. As soon as the leader 



