60 MEMOIK OF JOHN WILSON. 



" Let none, not even Miss W., see this. Heaven protect you, my 

 dear Margaret, and love you as well as your affectionate friend, 



"John Wilson." 



The plan here referred to was a romantic project which he had 

 entertained of going with the expedition of 1 804, being Park's sec- 

 ond journey to the interior of Africa. Apparently, the hostile in- 

 fluences which ultimately prevailed in dividing him and Margaret 

 had begun, before he left Glasgow, to disturb the current of his fe- 

 licity. However extravagant the idea of a journey to Timbuctoo 

 may appear as a medicine for disappointed love, he unquestionably 

 meant it ; and with all the hardships and dangers connected with 

 such an enterprise, it was one highly calculated to excite his imag- 

 ination and love of adventure. A very old friend thus writes re- 

 garding it : — " He had certainly a wild project of going there, and 

 used to talk of it in his usual enthusiastic way. But I did not im- 

 agine it had taken any hold of him till one day he astonished me by 

 appearing in a complete sailor's dress, and told me he was going to 

 join the expedition to Africa. I used all my influence to dissuade 

 him from such a foolish proceeding. You may suppose what dismay 

 he would have occasioned in his own family, who almost worshipped 

 him." To them he never communicated his intentions in the mat- 

 ter, which only became known long after the project had been 

 abandoned. 



The next letter from which I shall quote is addressed to his dear 

 friend, Findlay. The post-mark bears the date of "August 16, 1803." 

 What had occurred between that and the month of June to give 

 rise to expressions of despondency so unmeasured, can only be con- 

 jectured to have been a further development of the cause of distress 

 alluded to in the letter to Margaret. 



..." Since I saw you, my mental anguish has been as great as 

 ever. I feel that I am doomed to be eternally wretched, and that I 

 am cut out from all the most amiable and celestial feelings of hu- 

 man nature. ... At particular times I am perfectly distracted, and 

 hope that at last the torment my rnind suffers may waste a frame 

 that is by nature too strong easily to be destroyed. I dare say few 

 would leave life with fewer lingering looks cast behind. My abili- 

 ties, understanding, and affections are all going to destruction. I 

 can do nothing ; I can't, by Heavens ! even assume that appearance 



