THE MAD MAJOR. 23 



the fair inhabitants betrayed symptoms of irritation ; 

 I have heard hackney-coachmen cursing at a crowded 

 opera over a fractured panel or broken pole ; I have 

 listened to a score of watermen squabbling for a fare at 

 Westminster Bridge ; I have been on board a transport 

 in a gale of wind, with an irreligious commander ; but 

 Tuam for ever ! there, cursing is perfection. 



Mine is but a rambling narrative, and my details, 

 however interesting, lay no claim to the lucidus ordo ; 

 therefore, I reserve full liberty, from the very start, to 

 bolt into digressions when and as I please. 



Of the many anecdotes that I have heard my father 

 narrate of his friend, the Mad Major, one was particu- 

 larly characteristic. 



When the gallant 5oth were removed to Mullingar, 

 it was supposed that this town produced a greater number 

 of beggars than any in the king's dominions : a swarm 

 of paupers rendered the streets almost impassable, 

 and ingress or egress to or from a shop was occasionally 

 impracticable. Now, beggars were to the Mad Major 

 an abomination ; and for two days he ensconced him- 

 self in his lodgings, rather than encounter the mendicants 

 of Mullingar. Confinement will increase bile, and bile 

 may induce gout ; and at last, wearied of captivity, 

 he sallied forth, and to every application for relief, 

 he specified an early day, requesting the numerous 

 supplicants to be punctual to the appointed time. His 

 wish was faithfully attended to ; and on the expected 

 morning the street where he resided was literally blocked 

 up. The Major, under a volley of blessings, appeared 

 at the hall door. " Are you all here ? " he inquired, 

 in accents of the tenderest compassion. "All, your 

 honour all, young and owld ! " responded a big beggar- 



