358 WHEAT AND WOMAN 



exceedingly well in Canada had they remained to 

 take part in the more commercial farming of the 

 present phase of development. 



On the last night of my two and a half years' 

 sojourn in Canada I find this entry in my diary : 



" December lo. — My last day for the present. 

 Drove into the Fort with Lai. Cashed cheque, 

 paid taxes, &c. Breakfast with the D. H. Mac- 

 donalds. Walked up Baker Hill to say good-bye 

 to the Griggs and the Seymours at Springbrook, 

 then home. Horribly downcast. Felt a miserable 

 failure — financial situation appalling — temper 

 abominable. What will these years bring forth ? 

 They seem strange seed as one watches them lying 

 in the soil to-night — roses must always ' unfold 

 within the mould,' but seed doesn't always mean 

 roses. I tried to do my best, but one can't do that 

 from day to day, one's level best comes out in 

 occasional throbs. One thing I have learned — to 

 criticize myself without flinching. ' Know thy- 

 self.' One can't do that everywhere ! Oh, the 

 hardship, the hope, the trials, the sweetness and the 

 sadness of these two years ! How I have loved the 

 beasts, and how heartily I have hated people and 

 things here and there, and the end of it is for the 

 present that I have to go off with a pen to save the 

 plough, and that by to-morrow this time I shall be 

 on my way to New York travelling in front of the 

 dining-car minus a sleeper, certainly uncomfortable, 

 probably hungry, and doing my level best to assure 

 myself that — nothing matters ! " 



The next day I left by the stage for South 

 Qu'Appelle and New York. 



