94 MEMOIR OF FLEEMING JENKIN 



spirit or fun or enterprise in me. Only a kind of 

 mechanical capacity for ascertaining whether two 

 really is half four, etc. ; but when you are near me 

 I can fancy that I too shine, and vainly suppose it 

 to be my proper light ; whereas by my extreme 

 darkness when you are not by, it clearly can only 

 be by a reflected brilliance that I seem aught but 

 dull. Then for the moral part of me : if it were 

 not for you and little Odden, I should feel by no 

 means sure that I had any affection power in me. 

 .... Even the muscular me suffers a sad deteriora- 

 tion in your absence. I don't get up when I ought 

 to, I have snoozed in my chair after dinner ; I do 

 not go in at the garden with my wonted vigour, 

 and feel ten times as tired as usual with a walk in 

 your absence ; so you see, when you are not by, I 

 am a person without ability, affections or vigour, 

 but droop dull, selfish and spiritless ; can you 

 wonder that I love you ? 



4 Nov 17. . . . I am very glad we married 

 young. I would not have missed these five years, 

 no, not for any hopes ; they are my own. 



* Nov. 30. I got through my Chatham lecture 

 very fairly though almost all my apparatus went 

 astray. I dined at the mess, and got home to Isle- 

 worth the same evening ; your father very kindly 

 sitting up for me. 



* Dec. 1. Back at dear Claygate. Many cuttings 

 flourish, especially those which do honour to your 



