402 History of Methodism 



going into this one I knew not how it was to be con- 

 ducted, nor of what the service should consist. I first 

 found myself strongly affected on seeing one and an- 

 other refused admission by the preacher at the door, 

 a vivid representation being made to my mind of the 

 character of the meeting, in which, as I supposed, 

 none but approved persons could be present, and others 

 were rejected. At first I felt as if I, too, had no right 

 to be there. It was a meeting for Christians only, 

 and without the witness of adoption I could not claim 

 that title. Was it partiality, or lack of information, 

 which had let me in while others were excluded? I 

 might not hope to be admitted into heaven thus, for 

 God himself would be the Judge. And what should 

 it avail me to be in the Church, and gathered in com- 

 munion with its members in holy services, if at last 

 the door of heaven should be shut against me? But 

 I was not suffered to pursue this train of thought, but 

 my mind was suddenly and intensely taken up with 

 an opposite one. Was there any thing lacking to me 

 which Christ could not give ? Had he not bought me 

 with the price of his own blood, which had pledged 

 his willingness with his power to save? And why 

 was I so long without the witness of adoption, except 

 only for my unbelief? Faith that should trust him 

 to bestow his grace would honor him more than the 

 unbelief that doubted of his doing so much. All this 

 and much more was presented to my mind in an in- 

 stant, and I felt an indescribable yearning after faith. 

 Yes, I felt much more; there came with it such a pre- 

 vailing apprehension (or should I not call it manifesta- 

 tion ?) of Christ as a present Saviour, my present Saviour, 

 that to believe seemed to imply no effort. I could not 

 but believe* I saw it, as it were, and I felt it, and knew 



