252 LIFE OF ELIE METCHNIKOFF 



walk, lie had a strong cardiac intermittence, but as 

 a rule he felt well. I could see, however, that he was 

 obsessed by a grave preoccupation which he did not 

 express. Later, during his last illness, he confessed 

 to me that during the whole of that stay at St. Leger 

 he had feared to die suddenly during one of our walks. 

 The thought of my isolation weighed on his mind and 

 he hid his anxiety so as not to alarm me. . . . 



With a view to the work which he had planned on 

 the sexual question, he interested himself in the 

 influence that their sentimental life had had on the 

 activity of great men, and we read together the 

 biographies of Beethoven, Mozart, and Wagner. 

 Elie was more than ever desirous of making our 

 holidays as pleasant as possible, as if he already felt 

 that they were our last. Here are more extracts from 

 his note-book : 



ST. LEGEB-EN-YVELINES, 24*A June 1916. 



When saying that I did not fear death, I had in view the 

 dread of annihilation. That fear, manifested during a long 

 period of life and disappearing towards the end, may be com- 

 pared with the fear of darkness which children instinctively 

 feel and which also disappears gradually and naturally. When, 

 towards the end of life, the fear of nothingness ceases, no 

 desire remains for a future life, for the immortality of the 

 soul. It would even be painful to me to think that the soul, 

 surviving the body, could watch, from beyond, the misfortunes 

 of those who remain on the earth. On the contrary, towards 

 life's decline, a desire for complete annihilation becomes 

 developed. 



He spent the autumn collecting and preparing 

 the materials he required for his book on the sexual 

 function. It was a relief from the sad impressions 

 of the war and the deserted laboratory. But new 

 troubles were in store for us ; I became ill, and had 



