CHAP. VIII.] PAMPHLET ON GARROTTERS. 83 



attention to the sermon. On being asked after the service by a 

 friend, one of the clergymen of the Abbey, his opinion of the 

 sermon, my father replied, " Oh ! I liked it very well." " Liked 

 it very well ? " exclaimed his friend ; " I am surprised to hear 

 you say so, for I have often heard you denounce similar sermons 

 to that which you heard to-day." My father, finding he was 

 thus driven into a corner, confessed he had not heard one word 

 of it. This still more perplexed his friend the clergyman, 

 for Mr. Smee had appeared to be paying marked attention to 

 it. "Well," said my father, "I must tell you the truth. I 

 have been mentally writing an anonymous pamphlet the whole 



time has been preaching ; and so intent have I been upon 



my subject, that I have not heard a single word of the 

 sermon." And he added, " I will send you the result of my 

 work, providing I have your promise not to divulge from whom 

 it came." 



The pamphlet was written out within twenty-four hours, and 

 it was published within a week. It was sent to the clergyman, who, 

 I believe, was never after thoroughly convinced that Mr. Smee ever 

 listened to any sermon, however intent he might appear to be. 

 And I am afraid that but too frequently he was correct in such 

 conjectures ; for as soon as the preacher ascended the pulpit, then 

 was that quiet time when he could think out his various projects. 

 The following is the aforesaid pamphlet. 



PHILOSOPHICAL REASONS FOR NOT HANGING 

 GARROTTERS AND BURGLARS. 



BY A MEMBER OF THE SOCIETY OF FRIENDS ! ! ! 



Preface. 



DEAR FRIENDS, Stirring times have come upon us, when it behoves 

 us all to be up and moving, or all our devices for centuries past will be 

 undone, and all the schemes which we have successfully promulgated for 

 comforting the assassin, the burglar, and the garrotter, will be swept away 

 at one fell swoop. 



It is by our care that a goodly race has arisen, which is not without 

 its proper influence on society. Persons are now nightly stopped, and are 

 either eased of " the root of all evil," or, by suffering bodily injury, are 

 deprived of " the incentives to personal vanity." 



A panic has, however, all at once seized the people ; and unless the 

 Society of Friends wake up, and use all the instruments under their 

 control, as sure as Friends are meek and humble and wear broad-brimmed 

 hats, an Act of Parliament will be passed to hang every man caught com- 

 mitting an act of burglary, or garrotting. 



G 2 



