THE FACTS LAMPOONED 93 



SCENE II 

 The DUCHESS' -Boudoir 



(MR JOHNSON and the DUCHESS in animated conversation.) 



DUCHESS. You say that the cook suggests that the cat 

 has been poisoned. 



JOHNSON. I was about to observe, your Grace, that 

 personally 



DUCHESS. Never mind that ; tell me the worst at 

 once. You are a chemist. Did you ever see a case 

 of cat poisoning ? 



JOHNSON. Your Grace, I 



DUCHESS. Enough, enough ! Your hesitation proves 

 to me that my worst fears are realised. My cat, my 

 treasured cat, with which I hoped to win the prize at the 

 Crystal Palace Show, has been foully and deliberately 

 poisoned ! Forgive me, Mr Johnson, for my display of 

 emotion. I am, I assure you, grateful for your prompt 

 attention to the poor sufferer and your courtesy to me. 

 But, oh ! the pity of it ! I will let the world know of 

 the outrage. Ha, here is a telegraph form ; let me send 

 the shocking news at once to the Universal Press 

 Agency (does so), and, Mr Johnson, pray help me to 

 step out on to the balcony so that I may tell my trouble, 

 in no uncertain voice, to the cat's-meat man, whom I 

 hear coming down the street, as if in bitter mockery. 



[Exeunt on to balcony. 



SCENE III 

 The Kitchen 



(MRS STOUT, MR MUFFLER and the CAT, the latter still 



convulsed and clawing at its mouth.) 

 MRS STOUT. Oh, sir, please, I have sent for you, 



