Some Remarks on Sibling Rivalry 



Thomas D. Davidow and Richard L. Nflrvfl 



Sibling rivalry can rear its head with disruptive 

 consequences in a variety of places in the family 

 -owned business. It is a natural phenom- 

 enon and one that never really goes away. An 

 external event can occur which may precipitate an 

 individual's historical feelings and the relationship 

 between siblings can quickly regress. Nonetheless, 

 families can learn to manage the issue and avoid a sig- 

 nificant threat to business stability and family harmony. 

 In fact, families have been trying to determine the 

 most effective way to deal with the issue of sibling ri- 

 valry since ancient times. The biblical narrative of Cain 

 and Abel and the story of loseph, his brothers, and the 

 coat of many colors both deal with issues rooted in sib- 

 ling rivalry. In many families 

 and cultures and under the 

 common law of England, one 

 solution was primogeniture, 

 passing wealth and power in a 

 family to the oldest son. This 

 doctrine created a structure to 

 deal with sibling rivalry and 

 was intended to avoid war and 

 bloodshed every time a ruler 

 died. 



But America in 1997 does 

 not lend itself to primogeniture 

 as the vehicle to determine the 

 next chief executive of a family 

 business (much as many first- 

 bom sons might wish). Our cul- 

 ture will not tolerate any such 

 an arbitrary solution because 

 doctrines of merit and equality 

 dominate our social, economic, 

 and political systems. Further- 

 more, the survival of the family- 

 owned business is too impor- 

 tant and too risky to rely on 

 any such straight-jacketed con- 

 vention. 



However, the elimination of 

 the rule of primogeniture 

 does not eliminate the drive 

 for dominance. Therefore, how 

 does one deal with the issue 

 in an American family-owned 

 business? We have found that 



The Center for Family Business 



The Center for Family Business at the Univer- 

 sity of New Hampshire was created to provide 

 a matrix of services for the famiiy firm. The 

 business climate for the entrepreneurial family 

 has never been more difficult nor offered more 

 opportunity for growth. Getting the formula right 

 is especially complicated in the family firm be- 

 cause of financial issues, sibling rivalries, tax 

 implications of decisions, family misunderstand- 

 ings, and management concerns. 



The Center offers two forums specifically 

 geared toward the needs of families in business. 

 These offer accurate, understandable advice, 

 knowledge of sound business practice, the ben- 

 efit of hearing about the experiences of other 

 firms, and creative problem-solving ideas. 



At the Center you can receive: 



• Information on cutting-edge business concepts 



• Access to university resources 



• Consultation on business and family challenges 



• An exchange with people who share your 

 concerns. 



On Thursday, May 1, 1997, the Center will 

 present a program entitled, "Creative Solutions to 

 Intergenerational Conflict and Sibling Rivalry." 

 Topics to be discussed include: Learning to Ap- 

 preciate the Benents of Conflict, Using Creative 

 Solutions to Increase Closeness and Foster a Pro- 

 ductive Family Business Team, Balancing Business 

 and Family, and How and When to Deal with 

 Delicate Issues. 



For injormalion about the forums or the May program, 

 call the Center for Family Business at 603-862-1 107. 



previous generations often developed implicit agreements 

 under which the older sibling would prevail if more than 

 one sibling participated in the business. One famous ex- 

 ample of this style is the Bingham newspaper family of 

 Louisville, whose demise has been widely reported in the 

 press and the media. 



This is a short-term solution, if a solution at all This 

 may work when the siblings are young, because rivalries 

 are resolved under the doctrine of "might makes right." 

 The older sibling is generally larger physically and more 

 developed intellertually and therefore often prevails. 



However, the transfer of this doctrine into the family 

 business arena is fraught with danger. The siblings in a 

 family business may collude to continue the system out of 

 habit and a "wish" to keep the 

 family together. But it does not 

 work. Sooner or later, the sib- 

 lings grow up and the younger 

 siblings are generally not able 

 to play along with the mas- 

 querade after they experience 

 themselves as adults. We have 

 found that an older generation 

 family member may often seek 

 consultation for fear that his or 

 her children will experience 

 the same heartache, loss, and 

 pain that he or she experienced 

 with his or her own siblings. 



By contrast, when siblings 

 learn to manage their relation- 

 ships, they can learn to man- 

 age the regressions referenced 

 above. In fact, when the sib- 

 lings learn to manage their ri- 

 valry issues, the closeness of 

 sibling relationships can be an 

 important business and per- 

 sonal asset Furthermore, such 

 close relationships can gener- 

 ate a high level of trust, which 

 is both comfortable and func- 

 tional in the family environ- 

 ment. As a result, the family 

 and the business can benefit 

 from a shared value system 

 and efficient decision-making. 

 In the family setting, sibling 



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