rivalry can be neutralized by agreement on a central value 

 of family systems: equality. The family system pulls to- 

 gether the relationship when matters get tough by sending 

 the message of equality to all family members. Therefore, 

 there are no "winners" declared in the family system. 



But in the business world, what is the antidote to sib- 

 ling rivalry? The business world is fundamentally different 

 from the family setting because it demands winners and 

 losers. Inherent in the business world is inequality of re- 

 sponsibility, uneven competency, and hierarchical author- 

 ity. The identification of winners and losers, when superim- 

 posed on siblings' views of their roles in the business, can 

 fuel rivalries, leaving family relations out of control. 



The absence of a business-driven structure to control ri- 

 valry issues can force an artificial and aberrant adjustment 

 by the siblings. Siblings, for example, may battle daily, 

 with devastating effects on business and the family. Alter- 

 natively, the siblings may avoid talking about subjects that 

 are emotionally loaded and a conspiracy of silence occurs. 

 The absence of communicating about these issues can also 

 have a devastating effect on the business and deep re- 

 sentment may develop. 



Furthermore, this dysfunction can have a very negative 

 effect on the entire family. If one sibling fails to support 

 another who asks for allegiance, the sibling seeking sup- 

 port is alienated. But choosing sides in such a rivalry en- 

 sures that the rival sibling will be alienated. 

 IN THE FAMILY-OWNED BUSINESS, the principal underiy- 

 ing issue is selection of the person or persons who will be 



in charge after the parent or founder is gone. Too often 

 this is a matter which is never discussed, seems impos- 

 sible to resolve, or — at minimum — requires difficult and 

 painful decisions. 



Another sensitive issue is compensation. Conflicts can 

 arise between siblings, all of whom work for the firm, e.g., 

 disputes about equal pay for equal work. Similarly, dis- 

 putes can arise between those who own stock and manage 

 the firm, and those who own stock and have no role in 

 management. 



The key to solving the problem of sibling rivalry is to 

 defuse these two most important issues. The most effec- 

 tive way to defuse them is for each member of the family 

 to agree upon and participate in a sustained family dia- 

 logue. During this dialogue, the very process of communi- 

 cation is important and it may be necessary to utilize ex- 

 perts to facilitate the dialogue in the beginning or at 

 points along the way. 



At this same important time, family business issues can 

 be discussed. If the family can examine and deal with the 

 issues of future leadership and compensation, it will also 

 go a long way toward resolving the sibling rivalry issues af- 

 fecting the family firm. 



Tkomas D. Davidow, a psyckologisl, and Richard L. Narva, an attor- 

 ney, are principals oj Genus Resources, Inc., a Boston consulting firm 

 made up of professionals in the fields of psychology and family dy- 

 namics, business law, and accounting that specializes in solving the 

 problems that face family-owned businesses. 



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