198 THE POPULAR SCIENCE MONTHLY, 



bath of vitriol would cure the drowsiness of a tired man. An imagi- 

 nary evil has yielded to a real evil, and, what is worse, becomes itself 

 soon real enough to confirm the opinion of the drug-worshipers that 

 the patient must be " put under a course of corrective tonics." For 

 very soon the unnatural irritation is followed by an abnormal lassitude, 

 a digestive torpor, attended with symptoms of distress that plainly dis- 

 tinguish it from the original remissness of the bowels. In the eyes of 

 the drug-dupes, however, it is nothing but a relapse of the former com- 

 plaint, and must be combated with more effective remedies. " Treacle 

 and brimstone, thrice a day," was the verdict of the mediaeval JEscu- 

 lap. " The timely use of our incomparable invigorant will regulate 

 the action of the bowels and impart a generous and speedy impulse to 

 the organic functions of the whole body," says the inventor of the new 

 patent " liver-regulator " — a new combination of " valuable herbs " 

 with the usual basis of alcohol. "A wineglassful every morning." 

 The herbs prove their value by enabling the vender to accommodate 

 his customers on Sunday morning, when common dram-shops are closed, 

 and with an equal disregard of times and seasons the alcoholic prin- 

 ciple opens the bowels. The incomparable stimulant admits no such 

 excuses as fatigue or warm weather ; the charm works ; the regular 

 attacks of a life-endangering poison have to be as regularly repelled. 

 Other symptoms, such as troubled dreams, fretfulness, heart-burn and 

 irregular pulse, seem, indeed, to indicate the approach of a new dis- 

 ease, but that will be met by other drugs, and in the mean while the 

 liver-cure is continued. After the lapse of a few months the patient 

 gets possibly a chance to escape his doom ; out-door exercise, the ex- 

 citement of a pleasant journey, a new residence, a change of diet, en- 

 courage the hope that the bowels may be left to their own resources, 

 and the " tonic " is provisionally discontinued. An exceptionally strong 

 constitution may really be able to overcome the after-effects of the 

 drug-disease (for from beginning to end it has been nothing but that), 

 but in a great plurality of cases the event proves that the stimulant 

 has fastened upon the system : constipation, in an aggravated form, 

 returns, and can now be relieved only by the wonted means — " a fact," 

 as the orthodox drug-doctor would not fail to observe, " which should 

 convince idealists that now and then Nature can really not dispense 

 with a little assistance." * 



* Two generations ago the abuse of pui^ative drugs was carried to a degree which 

 undoubtedly shortened the average longevity of many families. Thousands of parents 

 made it a rule (which still has its advocates) to dose their children at the end of every 

 month ; and Wieland's practical philosopher not only prescribes a laxative for every fit 

 of ill humor, but answers the sentimental tirades of his wife by sentencing her to a prompt 

 enema : 



" Brummt mein Engel wie ein Bar, 



' Lise,' sprech ich, ' musst purgiren,' 

 Eufe dann den Bader her, 



Lasse sie recht durch-klystiren." 



