326 STAGE-COACH AND MAIL IN DAYS OF YORE 



succession of early coaches an unfortunate mortal 

 could endure. Breaking a man alive upon the 

 wheel would be nothing to breaking his rest, his 

 l^eace, his heart — everything hut his fast — upon 

 four ; and the punishment of Ixion (the only 

 practical person, hy-the-hy, who has discovered 

 the secret of the perpetual motion) Avould sink 

 into utter insignificance before the one we have 

 suggested. If we had l)een a powerful churchman 

 in those good times when blood was shed as freely 

 as water, and men were mowed doAvn like grass 

 in the sacred cause of religion, we would have lain 

 by very quietly till we got hold of some especially 

 obstinate miscreant, who positively refused to be 

 converted to our faith, and then we would have 

 booked him for an inside place in a small coach, 

 which travelled day and night ; and, securing the 

 remainder of the places for stout men Avith a slight 

 tendency to coughing and spitting, we Avould have 

 started him forth on his last travels — leaving him 

 mercilessly to all the tortures which the Avaiters, 

 landlords, coachmen, guards, boots, chambermaids, 

 and other familiars on his line of road might think 

 proper to inflict. 



"If," he continued, " there be one thing in 

 existence more miserable than another, it most 

 unquestionably is the being compelled to rise by 

 candle-light. If you ever doubted the fact, you 

 are painfully convinced of your error on the 

 morning of your departure. You left strict orders 

 overnight to be called at half -past four, and you 

 have done nothing all niglit but doze for five 



