344 STAGE-COACH AND MAIL IN DAYS OF YORE 



" ' Come, waiter, d — n it all, why was not the 

 dinner on the tahle when we arrived ? ' demands 

 a superfine inside passenger. ' This is ahvays 

 the way with your confounded coach-dinners. 

 And what have you got under there, — goose, eh ? ' 



" ' No ; pork, sir.' 



" ' What is under that cover ? ' 



'"Pork too, sir." 



•' ' Great heavens ! pork again ! the country is 

 deluged with pork : who the devil do you think 

 can dine off pork ? ' 



"'A couple of ducks coming, sir,' says the 

 waiter. 



" ' Confound your ducks ! What with your 

 pork and ducks, you'll make the Avhole inside 

 of the coach reek with onions and vulgarity.' 



" ' There's a cold collation on the side-tahle, 

 sir, if you prefer cold meat.' 



" ' Hang your cold collation ! have you got any 

 real Devonshire cider in the house ? ' 



" ' Yes, sir; some very excellent.' 



" ' Then hring me a bottle, and a toothpick ' 



" ' NoAv, look here, Avaiter,' says one of the 

 diners, ' there are the horses out already, and 

 we have not half done yet : blow me if I go 

 before the half-hour's uj^.' 



" ' Take any cheese, sir ? ' asks the Avaiter. 



" ' No, to be sure, not yet ; have you no 

 tarts ? ' 



" 'Why, none, I am afraid, that Ave can recom- 

 mend, sir ; but there's some very nice cold plum- 

 pudding you can have.' 



