HOfV THE COACH PASSENGERS FARED 355 



Among the most laughable of old-time skits 

 on coaching miseries is the following breathless 

 account, in the style of the immortal Jingle. Its 

 humour is somewhat broad, and indeed all coach- 

 ing humour was of the smoking-room rather than 

 of the drawing-room order : — 



" Stage-Coach Adventures. 



" Inside. — Crammed full of passengers — three 

 fat fusty old men — a young mother and sick 

 child — a cross old maid — a poll parrot — a bag of 

 red herrings — double-barrelled gun (Avhicli you 

 are afraid is loaded) — and a snarling lapdog, in 

 addition to yourself. Awake out of a sound nap 

 Avitli the cramp in one leg and the other in a 

 lady's bandbox — pay the damage (four or five 

 shillings) for gallantry's sake— getting out in the 

 dark at the half-way house, in the hurry stepping 

 into the return coach and finding yourself next 

 morning at the very spot you had started from the 

 evening before— not a breath of air — asthmatic 

 old woman and child with the measles — window 

 closed in consequence — unpleasant smell — shoes 

 filled with warm water — look up and find it's the 

 child — obliged to bear it — no appeal — shut your 

 eyes and scold the dog — pretend sleep and pinch 

 the child — mistake — ^pinch the dog and get bit — ■ 

 execrate the child in return — black looks — no 

 gentleman — pay the coachman and drop a piece 

 of gold in the straw — not to be found — fell 

 through a crevice — coachman says ' He'll find it ' — 

 can't — get out yourself — gone — picked up by the 



