38 



To tie up their gaiters and pick up their pins, 



And not like the stern old Puritan wives, 



In manual labor forfeit their lives, 



But living to honor their mission of love, 



Spread blessings below which they gather above. 



To all who are met 'round this plentiful board, 



Their labors forgotten — their freedom restored , 



To the author whose plow is the merciless pen, 



And who ruthlessly harrows the feelings of men, 



To the student who goes to a college for brains, 



But gets — a diploma, the fruit of his pains, 



And then after years of drubbing and toil, 



Regrets that he did not stick to the soil, 



And thus been more appropriately made 



By holding the plough and handling the spade, 



Instead of digging 'mong Greek roots and Latin 



For that which would never come useful or pat in ; * 



To the lawyer who sports a command of his own — 



" Thou shalt not lie until thou art grown," 



To the doctor whose heaven is made out of pills, 



To the merchant whose dreams are a patch work of bills, 



To the guest, who came, as he thought, to see cattle, 



But finds himself hearing this whimsical prattle 



Which, if he felt used to the handling of curses, 



He would swear are the most unpardonable verses ; 



To all who are present — here's a quaff to your health, 



God bless you with wisdom, happiness, wealth, 



May you never be cursed with a fit of the blues, 



Pay always your debts — get always your dues, 



Have never a neighbor or friend that's suspicious. 



A dog or a nag or a boy that is vicious, 



In the garden of life be a pumpkin of size, 



More anxious for merit than getting the "prize," 



Your soul be a sweet, melodious chime, 



As you journey along on the river of Time ; 



With glorious breezes to puff at the sails, 



Good luck at the helm and content for the gales. 



Kind friends, as the moments are fluttering past, 

 May the banquet of soul not fail at the last, 

 But banished afar be discretion and fear, 

 And every fond pleasure the moment endear. 



• Bome persona may interpret me as applying such remarks to the whole class of college students. 

 I mean only those who go to college for brains. Those who give promise of actual usefulness should 

 be permitted there ; but the half-witted and unfitted should keep their place by the plow, the loom 

 or the anvil. 



