74 



gun or speaking-trumpet, whereby to give notice of his position, 

 but being fruitful in expedients, and having on board a tall old 

 porker, he roughly seized him by the ear, and gave it a terrible 

 twist — the consequence of which was a tremendous yell, which 

 sounded far and wide, like a steam- whistle in an agony. That 

 this expedient had the desired effect, the skipper was immediately 

 apprised, by hearing at a short distance a sharp and stentorian 

 voice call out, " Starboard your helm Jack — bear a hand, my 

 boy ! we are close aboard a hog-yard !" 



The hog is not an epicure — that is, he cares not for expensive 

 luxuries. If his breakfast is toothsome and plentiful, he asks not 

 whether it cost a dollar or a dime. Nevertheless, blessed with 

 the appetite of an " old salt," and the digestion of an ostrich, he 

 may well be called a good liver — and what is more to the point, 

 he carries a good liver within his ribs ; aye, and an excellent 

 heart., too, and other " fixins " into the bargain. 



That the hog is a glutton we are constrained to admit. Like 

 some two-legged animals of our acquaintance, he longs for the 

 good things of this life, without doing anything to deserve them, 

 and grumbles consumedly if he does not get them. 



But if the hog is a ravenous eater, he does credit to his keeper. 

 Feed him well, and if of a good breed, he will thrive upon his 

 food. He will eat and grow fat, and " lard the lean earth as he 

 waddles along :" unlike many a biped of the swinish species, who 

 are voracious as porkers — bolt an incredible quantity of food 

 without regard to quality — yet do no credit to their keepers, and 

 obstinately persist in remaining as lean as an ale-wife to the end 

 of the chapter ! 



The hog is not naturally a glutton. His gormandizing habits 

 are the result of civilization. He has acquired them by living in 

 the midst of mankind. Indeed, we have all known beasts on two 

 legs, who in gluttony emulate or set an example to the hog, and 

 like their noble prototype, grow fat and unwieldy by incessant 

 swilling and stuffing ; who eat and sleep, and sleep and eat again ; 

 v/hose lives are scenes of sensual indulgence ; and who serve no 

 useful purpose in their day or generation. 



That the hog is sometimes wanting in wisdom, and bent on ac- 

 comphshing a favorite object, regardless of the effect it will pro- 

 duce on others, we are forced to acknowledge. Indeed the 

 troubles which not long since occurred between the English and 

 American settlers in Oregon, and for a time threatened to involve 

 us in a bloody war with Great Britain, were entirely owing to un- 

 justifiable conduct on the part of a self-willed hog. This hog Avas 

 a native of the British provinces, and owed allegiance to the Hud- 

 son's Bay Company, but like the unfortunate General Walker, 

 was unable or unwilling to control his fillibustering propensities, 

 and made sad havoc in the potato field of an American squatter 



