ON SWINE. 57 



explore. In the Languages, they are easily made fa- 

 miliar with their native tongue, which is hog-latin. In 

 Geology they go deep into the different strata of the 

 dung-heap, but they prefer cold batter pudding to pud- 

 ding stone, and quarts of sour milk or even swill to any 

 other Quartz. By dint of sundry whacks from their 

 teacher they learn to distinguish Grej'-wacke but rub very 

 hard against Porphyry and Granite. In Arithmetic it is 

 doubtftd whether they ever go farther than the Extrac- 

 tion of Roots, and they close their education by obtain- 

 ing a knowledge of Music. In the practice of this di- 

 vine art they depend entirely on their own sweet voices 

 and discard all instrumental accompaniments, believing 

 that the best pitch-pipe is the wind pipe, and that 

 Church Organs are a poor substitute for the vocal or- 

 gans. They also believe that "when music heavenly 

 maid was young" she had none of these artificial helps 

 at her concerts, and that now she has grown old she can 

 do very well without them. 



In speaking of the literary attainments of the swinish 

 pupils, the Committee would not be understood to fa- 

 vor that class of "learned pigs" which have sometimes 

 been exhibited about the country, and they hope the 

 Society will offer no premiums for their encouragement. 

 The "learned pig," however, is not always confined to the 

 swinish race. He sometimes walks on two leas. looks 

 extremely wise, and at the same time appears very foolish. 

 He is not remarkable for his modesty, but is known by 

 his brazen face, and his brains are said to be made of 

 pig-lead. Sometimes he is an inventor of pills and nos- 

 trums that will cure everything — but his own impu- 

 dence, which is incurable. He issues inflated advertise- 

 ments and flaming handbills, and forgets to pay the prin- 

 ter. He is sometimes an itinerant preacher and calls 

 himself an Evangelist. In this character he is boister- 

 ous and denunciatory. He is a travelling pig and serves 

 to shew 



" How much a dunce that has been sent to roam 

 E.xcels a dunce tliat has been kept at home." 



He is often a vagabond Lecturer and delivers com- 



