THE MASTER AT COTTONWOOL S 15 



Besiege your men at tea. That is j'our time. You may offer 

 them a cup of coffee, but you can't ask them to take wine. Of 

 course you have a piano in the room. Music is a great 

 assistance in love-making. Its noise keeps whispers where they 

 should be, and though you are all very jealous of the time lost 

 in playing, yet if you have a fine arm and tolerable execution, 

 we don't know but you may be doing more business with your 

 fingers than you would with your tongue and eyes. At all 

 events, sisters can arrange to relieve each other, on the " now 

 thou, now me, now both together," principle. " Music," some 

 amiable gentleman writes, " has charms to soothe the savage 

 breast." God forbid that it should not have the same influence 

 upon sportsmen ! And here we may observe that, though fox- 

 hunters may not be men of many words, what they do say is 

 generally to the purpose. " Isn't this," as Beckford would say, 

 " far better than the eternal babbling of unsteady puppies ? 

 Puppies who merely babble to lead the ladies astray, to 



' Love again, and be again undone."' 



There's Henrietta's friend Smashgate, for instance — we beg 

 pardon. Sir Rasper Smashgate — we will stake our literary 

 reputation that a squeeze, a good squeeze from the Smashgate 

 hand at bed-time, would mean more than an hour and a half's 

 blather from young Fribbleton Brown, about roses and lilies, 

 and love in a cottage, hearts, darts, Cupids, and the whole mint 

 of matrimonial small coin. 



We would almost excuse Henrietta if she presented herself 

 to mamma as " Lady Smashgate," on reaching the landing. 

 "What, has he ojfered to you ? " old Turban would exclaim. 

 " No, mar, but he squeezed my hand as he gave me the 

 candle." " Silly girl," Mrs. Cottonwool would reply, in a pet 

 — not knowing the nature of the animal — " many squeezes go 

 to an offer." Were we a girl, however, matrimonially inclined 

 — which they all are, unless bespoke — we would rather have a 



